Gargoylz Blog
5
Mar
Bart’s spider joke…

Posted by Ben

Agent Neal reporting. I’m on the computer at school and I’m meant to be finding out some boring old stuff about ‘Farming in the Swiss Alps’ but Max and I have got something much more important to do – secret plan: catch up with our blog.

Sorry you didn’t get to hear Bart’s joke. He’s says we must start with it this week so here it is…

Q.  How do you spot a modern spider?

A.  He doesn’t have a web, he has a website!

Bart rolled about on his fat tummy for five minutes after telling us that.

On Wednesday the gargoylz called us into the church after school. They said they had a surprise. We’d just sat down on a pew and Ira started to tell us a long story about when he went to sea on his pirate ship. (Ira has never been to sea in his life!)  

Suddenly Barney came running down the aisle saying it was snowing! He dashed for the door, yelling “Time for a snowball fight.” Max and I were really excited and we charged after him. When we got outside we found there wasn’t any snow – on the ground that is. The gargoylz had played a trick on us.  But there was something even better –  a big plate of round, coconutty, chocolately cakes.  Barney told us they’re called Coconut Snowballs. He got the recipe from one of the vicar’s magazines.

And they were awesome!

I can hear Miss Bleet wittering on to Lucinda Tellingly about how hard she’s worked. Yuck!

Now she’s coming over here. Better switch screens before she sees this.


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26
Feb
Mud trap!

Posted by Max

Max here. I’m on Dad’s laptop so better be quick because I’m not really meant to use it. He made such a fuss when I got crisps stuck in the keyboard. Grown-ups are so silly sometimes.

I’d better explain why Bart looked so worried when he turned up at the classroom window last Friday. We found out when school was over. He was waiting for us in the churchyard. It turned out he couldn’t find any of the gargoylz anywhere so he’d come to ask us to help him look for them.

Agent Black and Agent Neal instantly leapt into action. Secret Plan: Find the Gargoylz.

We peered up at the steeple, poked round the gravestones and even stuck our heads into the church. Of course we pulled them out again double quick when we saw Aggie and Doris, Demon Flower Arrangers, inside.

There was no sign of the gargoylz anywhere. What had happened to our little stony friends?  Had they fallen down a well or got stuck in Mrs Hogsbottom’s cupboard or been kidnapped by aliens?  

Then Bart said we should look in the trees in the corner of the churchyard. Ben and I zoomed along and – SPLAT! We fell on our faces in a pool of oozy mud. When we’d got the mud out of our ears we heard a lot of gargoyle chuckling. We looked up and saw Toby, Theo, Zack and Ira laughing at us from the trees. They’d made a mud trap and covered it with leaves. It had all been Bart’s idea! We told him it was an awesome trick.

Then Bart said he had something even better – a new joke. How do you spot…—  Whoops! Dad’s coming. Tell you next week!


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Ben Neal, superspy, here at the classroom computer.

Miss Bleet couldn’t believe it when she saw the beetle on her desk. She was wittering on about how it must be a homing beetle when Zack popped invisible and dropped it down her back. She had stopped screaming by home time.

Max and I have had an awesome footie competition this week.  It was Superspies v. Gargoylz. Max and I won on Monday night and the gargoylz won on Tuesday night – but that’s only because they cheated. We’d told Zack he couldn’t go invisible but he forgot and scored five goals.  So Wednesday’s match was the decider. But we’d only just got started when the Basher turned up. He’d seen something going on from his bedroom window.

The gargoylz just managed to hide in time but Max and I were too slow. Barry stormed over, snatched the ball and lobbed it up onto the school roof. Then he stood there laughing at us. Of course, getting your ball back from a high place is no problem when you’ve got secret gargoyle friends, but Barry doesn’t know that we have. And we couldn’t ask them to get it with him standing there. But then suddenly he shouted that there was a snake in the grass and he ran away! 

Good old Eli. His secret power is brilliant. Toby flew up and got the ball and we carried on with the match. At ten-all we decided to call the whole thing a draw!

Bart has just appeared at the window. He’s looking worried. I wonder what he wants. We’ll let you know next week . . .


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Hi! Agent Black here on the classroom computer.

(Superspy secret note: must not let anyone in class see this blog!)

Our cake for Lucinda was the best surprise fairy cake in the history of best surprise fairy cakes. It was all pink and girly with pretty little icing shapes we found in the cupboard. (Bleurgh!)

 Lucinda didn’t like it! I don’t know why. We got Zack to pop invisible and sneak it onto her desk before school on Monday. Then we made sure we didn’t go into the classroom until Lucinda was already inside so that we couldn’t be accused of anything. Poppy and Tiffany and the others crowded round the cake, going ooh and ahh. We went ooh and ahh too, so it didn’t look suspicious.

Lucinda said she’d love to share it but it was too small so she’d have to eat it all herself. Then she took a big bite.

She didn’t know we’d put a plastic beetle on a spring inside it. As soon as she got her teeth into the cake the beetle popped up and her face got splattered with pink sloppy icing!

We made sure we kept our faces straight. Ben even got a cloth and wiped the icing off her dress. It wasn’t his fault the icing got spread around even further – it was Lucinda’s because she was screeching and flapping her arms about.

We could see Zack, Barney, Bart and Azzan at the window rolling about laughing. They soon ducked when Miss Bleet flung it open to release the toy beetle into the wild. After that, the beetle kept turning up in funny places – thanks to the gargoylz.

In fact I’ve just noticed that it’s now lurking on Miss Bleet’s desk . . .

Uh-oh. She’s coming! Must sign off fast.


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Ben Neal, top trickster, signing in . . .

Max and I rushed off to the church really early last Saturday morning to see what prank Toby was going to play on the choir. Toby was waiting for us in the porch and Cyrus was with him. They wouldn’t tell us what the trick was going to be. It was a surprise.

We all crept into the church and hid behind the font. The choir were sitting in rows, warbling some soppy song about love (yuck!) for a wedding (double yuck!). Cyrus crept up behind them and started singing along – and you all know what happens when Cyrus uses his special power! Max and I stuffed our fingers in our ears, but the whole choir slowly fell asleep and slid off their seats! 

Then Toby and Cyrus started running round putting animal masks on everyone.  They said they’d borrowed them from the dressing up box at school.  When the choir woke up there was a terrible panic. One of the elephants started a stampede for the door, followed by three zebras and a newt.

Toby said it was better than watching TV.

Signing off now. Max has just arrived. We’ve decided to make a surprise cake for Lucinda Tellingly Supersneak. It’s going to have something very special in it. (Well, she shouldn’t have said our model of a T-rex looked more like a pigeon with measles.)

More next week . . . Hee hee hee!


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29
Jan
The photo trick!

Posted by Max

Hello, Agent Black reporting!

Remember Ben and Azzan’s photo trick?  It should have been awesome.  All the pictures went up in the hall before school. Soon there was a deafening shriek. We put our earplugs in and rushed into the hall on our superspy propelling machines – codename feet. Arabella was yelling her head off because everyone was laughing at her picture. That is until they came across this really gruesome child holding a watering can over his head.  It was voted most ugly.  And then it turned out that Arabella had brought it in and it was Ben!  We had to hide in the boys’ toilets until the mocking stopped.  Barry the Basher Price was the worst.  He’s been on about it all week.  Until today.

Today I took my telescope (best Christmas present in the history of best Christmas presents) into school. Ben and I hid behind the bins with Toby and Zack and poked it over the top. We took it in turns to spy on Lucinda Tellingly picking her nose. But then the Basher snatched it and ran off! He was about to use it as a cricket bat when Zack popped invisible and snatched it back. It was great seeing the look on the Basher’s face when the telescope danced off in mid-air. He didn’t eat any of his chips at lunchtime. He just sat there muttering about the Telescope of Terror.

We’re going to play with the gargoylz all day tomorrow. The choir will be practising for a wedding in the church and Toby says he’s got a spectacular trick to play on them.

We’ll tell you all about it next time . . .


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22
Jan
Soaptastic superspy!

Posted by Ben

Hi! Ben Neal soaptastic superspy here.

Remember Miss Bleet’s lunchbox and us swapping the grated cheese for grated soap? Well, Miss Bleet foamed at the mouth all afternoon. Mrs Hogbum thought she had some dreadful disease and sent her home before we all got it. Trouble is, the trick didn’t work quite as well as it should have done because Mrs H. took us for the rest of the day and said ‘outrageous’ two hundred and fifty-seven times.

Azzan is helping me go through some old pictures of me as a baby. (It’s very kind of him but he’s singed half of them!) We’ve got to take one of our baby photos into school next week for everyone to guess who’s who.  Azzan has just found a gruesome picture of my sister Arabella when she was one. She was so ugly!  Of course she’s even uglier now.

 Anyway we’ve thought of a cool trick.  I’m going to take the picture of Arabella in.  No one will guess it’s me because it isn’t!  And if Miss Bleet complains, I’ll just give her my innocent wide eyed smile.  It worked on Mrs Simmer today at lunch – she gave me extra jam on my rice pudding. 

Can’t wait to see Arabella’s face when she catches sight of the photo in the school hall.  Must remember to take earplugs to school on Monday so I can put them in when she starts shrieking. I’m off to phone Max and tell him all about it.

We’ll report back to you all next week . . .


5

15
Jan
Teacher snow trap

Posted by Max

Agent Max Black signing in to the secret superspy blog on our classroom computer.

The teacher snow trap was brilliant…

We arrived at school early on Monday and got Eli and Cyrus to pile up loads of snow on the roof just above the staffroom window. The plan was that we’d throw a snowball at the window and when one of the teachers stuck their head out to see who’d done it, Eli and Cyrus would give them a snow shower.

Brilliant plan, Agent Black, I hear you say.

Well, Ben threw the snowball and we got ready to watch the fun. The window flew open and Mrs Hogsbum stuck her beaky nose out! I don’t know how she knew we’d done it but she went purple and told us it’s against school rule number three hundred and six to knock on the staffroom window with a snowball. She was in the middle of a very loud ‘Outrageous!’ when Eli and Cyrus pushed the whole pile of snow down on top of her head. Awesome avalanche! She looked very funny with icicles sticking out of her hair.

The snow’s all gone now but there’s plenty of other ways to play tricks. I’ve just noticed that Miss Bleet has left her lunchbox open. Ben and I are off to swap her grated cheese for grated soap! Can’t wait to see what happens. We’ll tell you next week!

See you then fellow agents…


2

8
Jan
Snow, snow, SNOW!

Posted by Ben

Hello, Ben here!

NEWS FLASH – OLDACRE PRIMARY SCHOOL CLOSED DUE TO SNOW

That came on the radio on Monday and we haven’t been to school all week. Awesome!

Anyway, I expect you’ve been wondering what happened when Jessica found the Christmas spider in her knicker drawer. We were just making a snow fort at the bottom of the garden when we heard a yell. We ran in to see the fun. Big mistake.

It wasn’t Jessica who’d found the Christmas spider – it was Mrs Black. I don’t know how she knew it was us who’d put it there! When she’d finished telling us off, she noticed the snow prints we’d left on the new carpet in the hall . . . and up the stairs . . . and on the landing. We scarpered – leaving a load more prints on the way down!

Anyway, we were still determined to get Jessica so we asked Bart to come and burp some spiders into her toy box in the lounge. But it wasn’t Jessica who found the spiders – it was Mrs Black again! She doesn’t like spiders, so she’s locked herself in her bedroom and won’t come out, even though Max has promised her there are no spiders anymore – which is true. They’ve all disappeared, of course, like Bart’s burped spiders always do.

School’s open on Monday and we’ve got an idea for a snowtastic trick to play on the teachers. It’s going to be brilliant! We’ll tell you all about it next week. Now we’re off to make plans with the gargoylz . . .

P.S. Bart’s just made up a great joke and he can’t stop laughing.

Q: What do you call a hot snowman?

A: A puddle


8


Happy New Year!

I had the most AWESOME Christmas ever. The best bit was the look on my sister Jessica’s face when she saw my giant plastic spider on top of the Christmas tree. I skateboarded straight round to Ben’s house to tell him how loudly she’d screamed. When I got there I skidded on the snow and landed on top of the snowman he’d made in his front garden. It got squashed flat so we called for the gargoylz and Toby, Barney and Azzan came and helped us make another one.

It took a long time because Azzan kept breathing fire and melting it. In the end Toby sat on him and he wasn’t very happy. Then Ben’s mum poked her head out of the window and the gargoylz had to hide in the wheelie bin. She asked us to sweep the snow off the front path and she said if we did it straight away we could have some chocolate chip cookies that she’d just baked. Then she said our snowman looked a bit odd. I suppose she’d never seen one with a dragon’s tail and wings before.

As soon as she’d gone we asked Azzan to breathe all over the path. He cheered up straight away and melted the snow at super speed. Ben’s mum couldn’t believe it! We got extra cookies – and shared them with the gargoylz, of course.

Must stop now. Ben and I are going to put the Christmas spider in Jessica’s knicker drawer. We’ll let you know what happens next week!


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