We had to go down to the corner shop and buy some more raisins for Mum after we’d eaten them all. That was good as it got us away from Arabella’s screeching. Later on we got tummy ache and that wasn’t Arabella’s screeching. It was too many raisins.

Mrs Hogsbum has discovered Skype! At first this was really good because she was so busy talking to people that she didn’t come out of her office all week. It was so peaceful. Even the teachers looked happier. Then she appeared at assembly this morning and told us that each class were going to talk to another class in another school on the other side of the country. This sounded cool until we heard that our class had to recite a poem written by Lucinda Tellingly called ‘My ickle kitty’. We were to do this after first break so at playtime we ran to the church wall to ask for some gargoyle help.
We trooped into the hall and stood in front of the computer, ready to talk to the other school. A terrifying face appeared on the screen. Miss Bleet screamed and Mr Widget fainted. Ben and I high-fived because we thought we were going to see a ghost film but it turned out to be the head teacher from the other school. Her name is Mrs Scratchard and she is Mrs Hogsbottom’s sister!
Mrs Scratchard moved aside to show us the class we’d be reciting our poem to. They looked really cool and we knew we just couldn’t be seen reading the awful words that Lucinda had written. We hoped the gargoylz would come to our rescue soon.
We had just started with the first line, ‘My ickle kitty is fluffy wuffy’. I thought I was going to be sick! And of course we could hear all the children from the other school start to giggle.
At that moment, there was a loud tapping at the hall window that drowned out our voices. Everyone stopped and looked but it was only the branches of a tree. Ben nudged me and winked. We know there isn’t a tree outside the hall. It was Abel coming to our rescue.
But Mrs Hogsbum told us to just speak louder! We started again, shouting, ‘My ickle kitty is fluffy wuffy’ which was even worse because it meant other classes in our school could hear us too.
Then Toby appeared up at the top window but before he could do anything, Miss Bleet pulled the lever that shut it and he was knocked flying. Lucky he can fly.
We were really worried now because it looked as if the gargoylz were shut out and they wouldn’t be able to do anything. Then I felt something pull on my t-shirt. There was no one there but then I heard a gargoyly whisper in my ear – ‘Don’t worry, boyz. We have a plan! Put your fingers in your ears!’ It had to be Zack and he was warning us that Cyrus was about to sing!
All around us everyone fell asleep, including Mrs Scratchard’s school. Ben and I told each other jokes for ten minutes until they all woke up. And then Mrs Scratchard told Mrs Hogsbum off for making them hear a boring poem that put them to sleep. They started arguing so we all went back to our classes!

Ira thinks we should tell you the whole poem so you can see what the gargoylz saved us from. But we’ll be sick so maybe you can see it next week when we haven’t just had our tea.

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Arabella has been the bossiest school monitor in the history of bossiest school monitors all week! We decided to play an awesome trick on her. It was Cyrus’s idea. He’d seen it on the vicar’s tv. The vicar had been watching a boring programme all about church porches so Cyrus sang him to sleep and watched the programmes he wanted to. And he got this great idea.
Max and I were at my house and we called Arabella into the kitchen then we showed her our plates which were covered in flies. And then we ate them in front of her! She screamed. Then we got more flies to fly round her head making really loud buzzing noises. And of course when Mum came in to see what all the noise was about, our plates were clean and the flying flies buzzed off. Then at tea time, we put some flies into her spaghetti and just as she was about to eat a big mouthful, we pointed them out. Arabella spat sauce and pasta all over the table. It was awesome!
We didn’t eat real flies of course. That would be disgusting. Cyrus made them for us. And guess who ran round Arabella’s head holding a fly in each hand and buzzing in her ear – you’ve got it, invisible Zack.
Want to make your own flies? Well here’s how you do it…

You need:
Big, juicy raisins
Flaked almonds
To make one fly -
Take one raisin and two bits of flaked almond.
Make two little holes in the raisin. (You can snip it with scissors as long as they’re clean scissors and haven’t got yucky glue on and they’re safe for kids to use and all that boring stuff.)
Stick an almond slice into each hole to look just like wings.
Then eat them in front of your annoying sisters or parents!
Have fun!

Got to go and hide now. Turns out Mum needed the raisins for a cake and we’d eaten the last ones! Can’t think how she knows it was us.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, News, Pranks
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Remember the gargoylz paw prints all over Mrs Hogsbum’s office? We thought she’d go ballistic when she saw them. But she didn’t. She liked them! She thought that the painters had got some clever stencils and she wanted the staffroom to be decorated just like it. But of course the workmen didn’t know what she was talking about. When we got to school she was having a big argument with the chief decorator. They were shouting ‘you did’ and ‘we didn’t’ at each other like a couple of kids. In the end Mr Widget and Miss Bleet had to lead Mrs Hogsbum away and make her a cup of tea!
When we told the gargoylz they decided they’d help her out. But they didn’t put the prints on the staffroom walls. Instead they put them on the staffroom windows so no one could see out. Then Mrs H really did go ballistic. I don’t think the decorators will be coming back for a long time.

Bart has been looking at our photos from the animal park and it made him think of some animal jokes. He’s insisted that we tell you them. The gargoylz have already picked their favourites.
So here they are.

(Bart’s favourite)
What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
Lost!

(Barney’s favourite)
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the Pooh!

(Theo’s favourite)
What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripy pyjamas!

(Toby’s favourite)
How do you make a green Gorilla?
Cross a blue gorilla with a yellow one!

(Eli’s favourite)
Q: Why did the snake cross the road?
A: To get to the other ssssssside!

(Jelly’s favourite)
Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A: A dino-snore!

Bart would love it if you could tell him which one you like best. Or even better – tell him some new jokes.

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Back to school this week. The one good thing about school is being able to see the gargoylz on the church next door. When we arrived there were vans in the car park because the school had been painted during the holidays and the decorators hadn’t quite finished the staff room. The whole place ponged of new paint!

Anyway we hadn’t been back a second when we all had to troop into the hall for an assembly with Mrs Hogsbottom. She began to tell us how we all had to work really hard this term or it would be outrageous and she was thinking about banning football until we could all recite our nine times table and blah blah blah. She didn’t really say blah blah blah, I just stopped listening so that’s what it sounded like.

Suddenly I realised that the infants were giggling and pointing up at the ceiling. Gradually the whole school looked and it was awesome. Everywhere was covered with yellow pawprints. The prints ran all over the ceiling. Max nudged me and we could see that new prints were appearing on the wall behind Mrs Hogsbum. We looked closely and could just see the outline of a stony tail and long stony nose. It was Neb! He must have jumped in a paint pot and then used his special power to blend in with the background.

Now the infants could see the prints appearing behind Mrs H and they got scared. Their shrieks were so loud that their teachers had to take them out. Mrs Hogsbum kept bellowing to everyone to be quiet as it was against school rule number 256 – children must not look at the wall and shriek when the head teacher is talking to them. Then at last she turned round and spotted the footprints that were still appearing – and gave the biggest shriek of all!! As we marched out of the hall we heard her gibbering about the school being haunted by a ghost that didn’t obey school rule number 778 – spooks must not put ghostly footprints on the wall behind the head teacher.

When we set off for home, Neb told us that all the gargoylz were going to jump in the paint and decorate Mrs Hogsbottom’s office. Can’t wait to see what she thinks of it.

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8

Mum and Dad’s surprise for us was a trip to a wildlife park – and not just any wildlife park. It was the best wildlife park in history of wildlife parks.

We thought it might be a disaster though because of course our yucky sisters had to come too. But then our parents did an awesome thing!  The moment we arrived, our dads took the girls off to the petting zoo so that they could touch some sweet furry things. We think it was really our dads’ idea, they’re so soppy! And we went with our mums to find the cool animals, starting with the lions.

The lions were in an amazing enclosure. It was so big that you couldn’t see the other side and they had trees to sharpen their claws on and rocks to lie on. There was one big lion with a fantastic mane, two lionesses and four cubs. Ben and I were just thinking it was a shame the gargoylz couldn’t see them when a stony head popped up between the lion’s paws. It was Barney. He must have sneaked inside the car when we left. He gave all the lions a good scratch on the heads.

Then we went to see the tigers. And who do you think popped up here? Theo, of course. He’d changed into his kitten form and started playing hide-and-seek with the tigers. When he saw us, he scuttled over and told us not to be scared.  (As usual he thought he’d turned into a fierce tiger.) Trouble was our sisters turned up at this moment and screamed their heads off because they could see Theo in the enclosure and thought he was a dear little kitten about to be eaten by the horrible tigers. Luckily our parents didn’t see him as he jumped into the tigers’ pond just in time. But the screams brought some of the animal warders along to see what was going on. Just then, Jessica screamed again and said that an escaped monkey was flying over the ice cream stand! We knew who that was of course – Toby! Luckily the warders ran off to find it.

Our dads decided that the girls had seen too many fierce animals and took them back to the petting zoo and Ben and I were able to see every animal – and gargoyle – in peace.

We ended up on the most awesome adventure playground. It had the biggest tube slides in the history of biggest tube slides. Ben, Toby, Theo, Barney and I all slid down together! Trouble was Barney got a bit excited and did one of his horrible bottom burps. But that kept the rest of the visitors away and the tube slide was ours!

On the way home, Jessica kept talking about the flying monkey that had escaped. I wonder what she’d have said if she’d realised the ‘monkey’ was in the boot, finishing off the picnic with his friends.

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