Gargoylz Blog » Ben
13
Aug

Posted by Ben

Max’s Dalek impression with the tin foil and the plunger was really realistic. He knew Jessica is scared of them so he barged into her bedroom in his disguise, chanting ‘exterminate, exterminate’ and hoping she’d run for her life. But it didn’t work like that.  She whacked him over the head with a fairy wand saying that she was Doctor Who and that was her sonic screwdriver.

We had a postcard from Italy today.  It was a bit damp round the edges.  We’d been wondering where Barney had got to as we hadn’t seen him on the church recently and the other gargoylz couldn’t tell us.  Anyway, it was his writing on the card.  It said that last week he saw Mrs Hogsbum packing for her holiday and filling her case with cookies.  He dived straight in, got zipped up and next thing he knew he was in a hotel in Venice and Mrs Hogsbum was unpacking her knickers.  He was so scared he scrambled out of the window and fell straight in a canal.  He didn’t know the roads are all made of water in Venice.

He says he’s having a great time eating pasta and gelato – that’s Italian for ice cream – and he can’t wait until she visits the Leaning Tower of Pizza.  He hopes it’s cheese and tomato!



30
Jul

Posted by Ben

We were so excited about the amusement park.  My mum took me and Max while his mum took our annoying sisters, Arabella and Jessica to a dolls’ museum – glad they didn’t get the tickets mixed up!  Of course the gargoylz sneaked into the car as well.

We’d just arrived and were making for the Cliff Drop Ride when disaster struck.  Barry Price, also known as the Basher, codename: School Bully, came round the corner.

He got in the queue behind us and dropped ice cream down our backs while we waited for our go. (Luckily it was a hot day)  Then he pelted us with peanuts when we were on the airplanes. We got our own back later though – thanks to the gargoylz.

We all climbed aboard the Supersonic Speedcoaster – the one that turns you upside down and has 15 twists. As the ride began, Cyrus sang quietly into Barry’s ear. He fell asleep straight away and missed the whole ride. And it was awesome. We were nearly sick it was so great. When we got to the end Barry woke up and couldn’t understand why the man was telling him to get out. Barry insisted the ride hadn’t started yet and had a tantrum. In the end his mum had to drag him away.

We had a wonderful time after that. The gargoylz’ favourite was the storybook slow river ride. While the boats went round they all hid among the exhibits. We heard lots of happy kids coming out talking about the stony models that squirted their parents with water! Gargoylz’ tricks are awesome!

Uh oh! Arabella’s coming. I bet she wants to show me all her photos of the dolls’ museum. Boring. Got to hide! 



16
Jul

Posted by Ben

The world cup is over – boo hoo!  Only stupid sisters like Arabella and Jessica are pleased about that.  Never mind, the football season starts soon!

Sports day was wicked. Toby and Eli hid in the sacks and Miss Bleet thought they were haunted.  And then Neb blended in with the sand in the long jump and tickled all the jumpers’ feet!

Next, Max and I won the leapfrog race! Lucinda and Tiffany were in the lead but they kept stopping to make sure that they weren’t showing their pants so we beat them easy peasy – and without the gargoylz help. 

But you can never keep the gargoylz quiet for long and soon they were playing a trick.  Mr Widget was selling his homemade lemonade to the parents. First Theo distracted him by doing his kitten impression. While he was busy shooing him off, Zack popped invisible and stuck a pin in all the plastic cups. Every time Mr Widget went to serve a drink he was showered in lemonade! He was so sweet and sticky he got chased by wasps. He zoomed down the 50m sprint faster than all the year 6 kids and won the race!  (The wasps came second.)

On Monday we’ve got a school trip. We’re going to an open air theatre to see a play by some bloke called Shakespeare.  Mrs Hogsbum says it will be really good so it definitely won’t be.  We’re going to get all the gargoylz to come along. They’ll have fun and Ira can make it rain during the boring bits which will probably be all the time.



2
Jul

Posted by Ben

Posted by Ben Neal

Max has a very interesting haircut at the moment.  Ira and Neb went with him to the hairdressers.  They had a great time playing hide and seek among the towels and curlers but just as the hairdresser was about to use the battery-powered clippers on Max, Ira got excited and made it rain – indoors!  The clippers fizzed and sparked and ran all round Max’s head.  He looks like a spiky tennis ball!

Max is at my house at this moment and we’re having a footie sleepover. More World Cup tonight so we’re going to watch it together in the lounge with the big TV. Barney, Azzan and Jelly are here too.  The others are going to watch the match on the vicar’s television. Not that the vicar has any idea.

Max and I had our own World Cup match at lunchtime yesterday. I scored the winning goal – thanks to Mrs Hogsbum! It was three-all and it was nearly the end of lunchtime. Mrs Hogsbum was just stomping across the playground to shout at some infants when I did a brilliant kick. The ball sailed in the air, bounced off her nose and zoomed straight into the goal. Mrs Hogsbum staggered about a bit and fell on her bottom in a flowerbed. Just then the bell went for afternoon school which meant I had won! I told Mrs H she’d scored the winning goal for me. I don’t know why she was so cross about it. She said I’d broken school rule 765 – boys must not use their head teacher to score winning goals.

We’ve got a special football feast of chocolate crackolates and cola to share with Barney, Azzan and Jelly. And best of all, Arabella’s banned from the lounge. She made a big fuss about it so the gargoylz have promised us they’ll play a trick on her.  And she deserves it. She said that football is silly!



18
Jun

Posted by Ben

Posted by Ben Neal

I’ve got to tell you what happened to Max and me last Friday after school.  We were about to rush home to watch the World Cup match when Mrs Hogbottom came marching into the class and said that everyone who was signed up for the basket weaving club with Mr Widget should go to the hall. Well that wasn’t us!  Max and I made for the door to go home, laughing about the silly basket weavers, when Mrs Hogsbum asked us where did we think we were going?  Our mothers had signed us up for the club. We were going to miss the match!

There was nothing to be done.  Mr Widget told us to make dog baskets to sell at the school fair. We decided to make a mouse basket instead so we’d finish and at least get home for half time.

Then we had a brilliant idea. Max went to the window and called the gargoylz over. He asked Cyrus to sing everyone else to sleep so that we could escape.

But then double disaster! Cyrus didn’t give us any warning to put our fingers in our ears and we heard him sing and both fell asleep as well. When we woke up it was one minute to four. We wouldn’t get home for kick off.

And now I’m going to surprise you because Mr Weedy Widget did a wonderful thing, for the first time ever. When he woke up he yawned and told us he had a surprise for us.  He moved aside all the wicker and straws to reveal a TV!  And we watched the match!

Tonight is going to be awesome. England are playing Algeria and I’m going to Max’s house for a sleepover so we can watch it together on the TV in his bedroom. We’ve told the gargoylz they can watch with us but NO TRICKS!




Posted by Ben from Sunnybrook Campsite.

It’s raining this afternoon so we’ve come to an Internet café to catch up with our blog. Our mums and dads are writing postcards and Arabella is teaching Jessica how to make friendship bracelets. (Yuck!)

We’re having a great holiday. This campsite is awesome. There’s an adventure playground and a swimming pool. But best of all, Max and I are sharing a tent.

It’s a bit crowded as the gargoylz have all come with us and they insist on getting in our sleeping bags at night. Gargoylz don’t get cold but Rufus explained that they want to do the whole camping thing properly.

Toby’s just popped up from under the table. He’s reminded me to tell you about the fantastic trick we played on our pesky sisters.

We told them that there was a haunted toilet on the campsite. Of course they didn’t believe us so we dared them to go and look. Neb was already in there, using his special power to blend in with the background. As soon as the girls came along he made ghostly noises, flapped the lid up and down and flushed the chain. They screamed so loudly we had to put our fingers in our ears!

Something completely amazing is happening next Friday.  The World Cup is starting!  Poor old Bart thought that the World Cup must be an enormous cup of tea and we had to explain that it was in fact the best football competition in the history of best football competitions. 

Anyway, it looks like the rain’s stopping so we’re off to have a match in the mud. Off home tomorrow – worst luck, but tonight Bart’s going to burp spiders into the girls’ sleeping bags! Awesome!




We had a gargoyletastic weekend! We got the gargoylz together in my bedroom. Rufus, Jelly and Neb – our new friends – had some great ideas for pranks to play. The trouble was they started arguing about which one to do first. And they were so loud that my annoying sister Arabella came storming in to tell us off. For one horrible moment we thought she was going to spot the gargoylz.

Max quickly stood in front of Rufus, and Neb used his special power to blend in with my duvet. But Jelly was so alarmed that he turned into a ball of gloopy jelly on the floor. Arabella stepped right in the middle of him with her bare feet. It was so funny to see her slipping about trying to get him off – and she got even more annoyed when we started laughing.

Then we got going with our pranks.  We played loads but I’ll tell you about the best one.  Mum and Dad were sitting in the garden having a drink.  Neb used his secret power to blend in with the grass and went over to them.  He sucked up all the tea in their cups when they weren’t looking and put muddy water in instead.  They both took a big gulp and spat it out all over each other.  Trouble was, they heard Max and me laughing and thought we’d done it.

I’m writing this on Arabella’s laptop as mine’s gone funny ever since Bart burped spiders on it. It’s gone to be fixed. Arabella doesn’t know I’m in her room. Or does she? The door’s opening. Help!




Blog writer: Agent Neal

Max’s dad wasn’t too pleased when he had to change all his clothes because they were covered in milk and cornflakes. I don’t know why Max got into trouble. After all, he only gave his sister the rubber egg.  It was Jessica who hit their dad with it.

Talking of sisters, we played a great trick on my sister, Enemy Agent Arabella: also known as Manic Monitor.  Arabella snitched on Max and me just because we were doing an experiment at school. We wanted to know whether Mrs Hogsbum’s prize cactuses would grow better if they got fed on custard. They didn’t – they went floppy and died.

Mrs Hogsbottom didn’t listen when we said it was an important scientific experiment and she made us water all the plants in the school. It took ages.

So we decided to get our own back on Arabella. We asked Ira to rain on her. Then we hid and watched with Eli and Cyrus. It was awesome! As soon as she stepped out at playtime Ira flapped his wings and a little black cloud sprinkled drops of cold rain on her head. She started screaming. Mrs Plod, one of the dinnerladies, came up to see what all the fuss was about and Arabella complained that it was raining and said everyone should go in. Mrs Plod looked up at the blue sky and told her not to be silly. When she’d gone, Ira flapped his wings again! This time Arabella was soaked. She bellowed for Mrs Plod and got told off for pouring water over herself. Eli and his snakes laughed so loudly I thought we’d get found out.

I’m writing this on the classroom computer at lunchtime. I think I can hear Miss Bleat coming. I’ll hide in the stock cupboard. She’ll never find me there.




School has been wonderful! Mrs Hogbum is stuck out in Mongolia because of the volcano that’s erupting in Iceland. She can’t fly back. Obviously she forgot to pack her broomstick when she went on holiday. Ha ha! The volcano will be in such trouble. It’s probably broken school rule number one million and five: volcanos must not erupt and stop head teachers getting back for the start of term.

Anyway, it’s 4 o’clock and we’re in the ICT room. The bell went half an hour ago. Unfortunately our mums signed us up for computer club with Mr Weedy Widget! They said it would make us behave sensibly after we got into trouble for making Lucinda shriek in English. Well it’s not our fault if she does that when she sees a skeleton.  Good old Rufus. He loomed up outside the classroom window right by her desk. It was awesome.

We tried to get out of computer club. Bart wanted us to go and play with all the gargoylz after school and he looked so sad when we said we couldn’t that we were determined not to let him down. When the bell rang I told Miss Bleet that I had the Mercury measles – like the Martian measles but with bigger spots – and Max said he was allergic to mice, especially wireless ones. Miss Bleet looked like she believed us but then Mrs Hogsbottom stalked past. She told us we were being outrageous and breaking School Rule number two hundred and seventeen – Boys must not pretend to have impossible diseases to get out of computer club.

So now we’re meant to be learning how to do research on the Internet but I’m secretly blogging instead. Max is looking up jokes and acting as superspy look out. He’s found some great jokes for Bart. That should cheer him up. Trouble is which one would work best? See what you think.

Q.  On which day do monsters eat people?
A.  Chewsday.

Q.  What is a sea monster’s favorite dish?
A.  Fish and ships.

Q. What’s big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has 16 wheels?
A.  A monster on roller-skates.

Let us know which one you like best.

Ow! Max just kicked me under the table. Here comes Mr Widget…




 Secret Plan: Write this blog before Mum finds out that I flooded the bathroom because I forgot to turn the bath taps off.

We had meant to play a trick on Arabella when we suddenly remembered what day it was yesterday! So we forgot all about silly sisters and spent the week planning for it. And it was worth it.

Yesterday was the last day of school – and APRIL FOOLS DAY! The gargoylz were so excited. It’s almost better than Christmas for a gargoyle because they play even more tricks than usual. We had to go to school but it didn’t matter because Max and I had thought up the most fantastic trick ever for the gargoylz to do.

 We decided to turn the school hall into a rainforest. (As we’ve been doing a project about rainforests we thought it would be quite educational.) First of all Cyrus went round the school singing everyone to sleep, including the teachers. He had to keep going up and down the corridors as his power doesn’t last very long. While he was doing that, me and Max and the gargoylz got soil and plants from the playground and decorated the whole hall. The wall bars made excellent trees when we’d put ivy all over them, and you couldn’t see the floor at all. It was completely covered in earth and leaves (and so was the piano). Our rainforest looked fantastic, especially when Ira flapped his wings to make it rain and Azzan breathed fire and turned it all into steam.

Then Max and I sneaked back to class as everyone woke up. The bell rang for the end of term assembly and we all had to go to the hall. We remembered to look surprised and not giggle when we went in and joined the rest of the kids who were gawping in amazement at the steamy green forest. Then Toby flapped past, wearing one of the vicar’s bright holiday shirts and looking like a cockatoo. Eli turned into a snake and slithered about – making all the silly girls shriek. Bart burped up some of his best spiders and Theo tried to turn into a rainforest tiger. Zack popped invisible and ran around with some paper butterflies. The other gargoylz made loud monkey noises.

Mrs Hogsbottom rushed in, slipped on the rainforest floor and fell flat on her face! She looked very funny covered in mud and shrieking ‘Outrageous!’ She was just about to think up a terrible punishment for the whole school as we had broken school rule number six hundred and seventy-four – children must not make rainforests on school property – when Barney came to the rescue. He did one of his stinkiest bottom burps ever, and we all ran out. And just in time as Lucinda Tellingly was telling Mrs Hogsbum that she thought Max and I had done the forest. She even said it was the sort of horrible thing we’d do.  We won’t forget that, Lucinda!

When we saw the gargoylz after school we all agreed it was the best April Fools Day in the history of best April Fools Days.

I’m going to meet Max now. His gran – codename:supercook – is going to make hot cross buns as it’s Good Friday!  Uh oh. I can hear someone squelching along the landing. Mum’s been in the bathroom. Now she’s coming to find me. Signing off in a hurry and going to hide in the wardrobe.



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