Christmas was awesome! I had the best presents in the history of best presents. My uncle and auntie and all my cousins came and we played games. Toby, Bart, Eli, Abel, Theo, Barney and Ira had stayed at mine and they were very excited about having Christmas dinner. Dad always cooks loads so I knew there’d be enough for them. I just hoped that they’d stay out of mischief.
But when we went to sit down at the table for our turkey we found that all the crackers had been pulled and the jokes were missing! I knew who’d done that – Bart! I could hear him chuckling at the jokes under the table. Arabella tried to say it must have been me but I’d been playing with my cousins in front of all the grown-ups so she didn’t get very far with that. And luckily, Mum had bought two boxes of crackers so we all got a new one.

Bart wants to tell you some of the best cracker jokes.

What athlete is warmest in winter? – A long jumper.

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? – Horn-aments!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? – A Christmas Quacker!

Have you got any to tell him? He’d love to hear them.
We’ll see you in 2012!

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The birthday party turned out to be for St Mark’s Church! It’s 900 years old. And the gargoylz were very excited because there was loads of lovely food in a big marquee. Sausage rolls, crisps, mini burgers in mini buns, and lots more. And there in the centre of the table was the best thing in history of best things. The vicar’s special triple choc cake. It was massive so there was plenty for everyone.
But there was a problem. There were two humans guarding the food. And worse than that, they were Doris and Aggie, the demon flower arrangers. They were being really mean with the portions. Ben and I got a bit on our plates that was so small you needed a magnifying glass to see it. We didn’t know how we were going to feed all the gargoylz as well!
We needed to make a plan so we met the gargoylz out in the churchyard. It was trying to snow but Abel turned into a banana tree because they have big leaves for us to shelter under. He said he didn’t mind getting wet. Trees like it. Zack said he’d turn invisible and grab some cake. Simple! We tried to tell him that it wasn’t simple because people would see the cake moving about on its own but Zack had already popped invisible and Toby said he could see him running off towards the church. It’s handy that the gargoylz can see Zack when he uses his special power.
We sprinted back to the church – well Max sprinted and I hobbled – to try and stop him. But it was too late. Suddenly we saw Doris and Aggie running out of the tent screaming that they were being chased by a haunted beef burger. Of course it was invisible Zack flapping the burger at them. Other people turned to see what was going on but none of them saw the burger. We saw it disappear in two bites. Zack had eaten it! We should have realised that he’d think of something. Doris and Aggie has a lie down in the first aid tent and we sneaked along and took enough cake for all the gargoylz – and big slices for us too! Everyone else looked pleased that the demon flower arrangers had gone – even the vicar. They all queued up behind us and helped themselves.

I’m having my plaster off on Tuesday. Hurray!

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It’s been a busy week, me hearties. We’ve been rehearsing for the school play – Treasure Island! I was desperate to be in it and I wanted to be a pirate. Well, most of the characters are pirates but we have this new supply teacher, Miss Wrighton, and she thought it would be funny if the girls played the pirates and the boys played all the other parts.  She saw my plaster cast and said I should be Jim Hawkins…..  I got really excited. Jim Hawkins isn’t a pirate but he is the main character of the story. I was going to be the star!  Then it turned out she hadn’t finished her sentence. Things got worse. She carried on to say I’d be Jim Hawkin’s mother!  She said I could sit down to rest my leg and look scared when the pirates popped up. And worse than that I didn’t have any lines! I just had to wail a lot.  And worse than that, I was going to wear a pink frilly dress left over from Sleeping Beauty!

Time for some gargoyle help. We had to get rid of Miss Wrighton. Our story friends scampered up to the lighting above the stage and as soon as the girly pirates appeared they scattered them with glitter and some tinsel from the Christmas tree. The girls were delighted and danced around flapping their tinsel. Miss Wrighton screamed that no one was taking it seriously and ran off and wouldn’t come back so Mr Widget had to take over as director.

All the boys went to him demanding to be pirates and Lucinda Tellingly said she wanted to be Mrs Hawkins as she wanted to wear the pink dress. So Mr Widget agreed. He started to change all the characters. I heard a voice in my ear. It was Enoch hiding behind the PE equipment. He told me to limp across the hall, with my bad leg bent up behind me. I didn’t understand why but he told me there was no time to explain and that I HAD TO DO IT. He said that last bit in the voice of the evil Tangoman and no one argues with the evil Tangoman. So I did exactly what he said.

Mr Widget clapped his hands and jumped up and down in excitement. Max and I were worried that he’d gone mad too and that Mrs Hogsbum would take over but it turned out that Mr Widget thought I was just the boy to play the villain of Treasure Island – Long John Silver. He’s only got one leg you see.  So it’s all sorted. It’s going to be the best school play in the history of school plays.

There’s one little problem. Can I learn the lines? I’m not very good at that.

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The circus tricks didn’t quite go as well as they should have done. When Max tried juggling we lost all the balls over next door’s. He tried again with plant pots and they flew over the fence too. Then we both had a go with the apples that had fallen off the tree but they ended up in the neighbour’s garden too. Max’s mum came out then so the gargoylz had to hide in the flowerbeds. Mum was a bit cross when she found the apples had all disappeared and she kept asking what the funny noises were coming out of the bushes. We pretended we couldn’t hear any gargoyle giggling. In the end she went in saying she’d better get her ears checked.
As we couldn’t do any more juggling we thought we’d have a go at tightrope walking. We tied a rope to the fences on each side of Max’s garden and the gargoylz showed us how to walk along and not lose our balance. Well it’s okay for them. They’re used to scampering about on the church roof. And they’re not as heavy as us. Max couldn’t even get on the tightrope! Then it was my turn. I was sure I was going to do it easy peasy. I jumped on, got my legs tangled in the rope and fell off. Then I found I couldn’t get up. My leg was really hurting.
Anyway, Max’s mum phoned my mum and she came round and took me off to hospital. Of course Max came too (So did the gargoylz. They hid in Mum’s car boot)
I hopped in to casualty and Max found me a wheelchair and wheeled me round the corridors! Awesome! I suddenly realised I was going faster and faster and when I turned round Max wasn’t pushing any more. It was Neb. I could just see his outline. Anyway a nurse told me off. Well it wasn’t my fault but I couldn’t tell her a camouflaged gargoyle was making me go too fast.
When it was my turn to have an X-ray there was a tall man and a small child in front of me. They were both wrapped up in hospital gowns and hats. The child suddenly gave me a wink and I realised it wasn’t a child at all. It was Barney. Off he went and the next minute there was a lot of fuss from the X-ray room. We could hear people shouting that the child didn’t have any bones! Well of course not. Gargoylz don’t need bones. While they were all shouting Barney sneaked out chuckling.
Then it was the man’s turn. Soon there was a lot more shouting and the man ran out. He gave us a bow and rushed off down the corridor. It was Rufus – in his skeleton form. Well, they wanted to see bones and they didn’t even need to X-ray Rufus to see his. Some people are never happy.
When I’d had my X-ray it turned out that – bad news – I’d broken a small bone in my ankle, but good news – I got a plaster cast to wear (and crutches to hop about with!) When we got back home Max signed the cast and drew a picture of me falling off the tightrope – and the gargoylz crept into the lounge put their paw marks on it.
Better hop off now. Miss Bleet says a broken leg does not stop me doing my homework. Huh! I’ll have to think of a way out of this, with the help of the gargoylz…

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We didn’t mind about going back to school as it was Halloween and we all dressed up as spooky things and couldn’t do any work. Well, it’s hard when you’re dressed in a sheet with a couple of eye holes. And Max kept his skeleton mask on in all the lessons so he couldn’t even see the sums he was meant to be doing. Miss Bleet said we’d have to work harder the next day.
Anyway, Halloween night was awesome. Mum said we couldn’t have a big party as it was a school night. She had no idea that it was a big party because we had our secret guests – the gargoylz!
Tea was fingers dipped in blood! They were really chips, carrots, celery, all sorts of things cut to look like fingers, with tomato sauce. In fact there were a lot of vegetables and Mum was really pleased when we asked for seconds. She didn’t realise that there were a bunch of stony friends hiding under the table helping us to eat them.
But because we’d eaten so many vegetables – or so she thought – she said we could have extra spiders for dessert!
We had to make the spiders first which was fun but not easy when your bossy older sister keeps coming into the kitchen and moaning at you. The gargoylz had to hide every time and they started to grumble loudly enough for her to hear which made her very suspicious. Luckily Bart burped some of his spiders around her feet and she ran out screaming that we’d made real spiders and she wouldn’t come back into the kitchen for the rest of the evening. Mum and Dad were watching a film so the gargoylz were able to sit on the kitchen table. We stuffed our faces with spiders and told ghost stories/jokes.
Here’s one from Bart.
What is a ghost’s favourite game?
Hide and shriek!

Azzan has just reminded me that we should let you into the secret of our edible spiders. We used chocolate digestives, fruit strings, red jam and jelly cake decorating sweets. You put a choccy biscuit on a plate, chocolate side down. Then you smear it with jam for blood (though chocolate spread is good too) and arrange four fruit strings across so that it looks like four legs each side. Then you put another biscuit on top, chocolate side up and stick it down on the jam. Now it looks like it has eight legs. You can make a face on top with the jellies and then enjoy! And you will because they are scrummy.

Tomorrow night we’re going to the park for a mega firework display. The gargoylz can’t wait. Nor can we!!!

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The gargoylz got a bit overexcited with the trick we were going to play on Arabella. I told them that all the monitors stay behind in the playground after the bell rings for afternoon lessons. It’s the monitors’ job to make sure nothing’s been left behind. So the gargoylz were to hide inside the pile of leaves and then throw them all over Arabella. I know I told them after the bell rang. Well! First of all they heard the church bell ring for one o’clock so they showered the infants by mistake. Luckily we were nowhere near so we couldn’t get the blame. In fact the dinner lady was really pleased when we offered to sweep up the pile again.

This time the gargoylz heard a mobile phone ring and thought that was the school bell. Poor Mr Bucket the caretaker got the next shower of leaves. We saw him sweeping them all up, muttering about the wind.

At last the moment came. We went inside for afternoon lessons and watched from our classroom. Arabella walked past the pile of leaves and… nothing happened. The gargoylz had got bored of waiting and were now on the school roof. We were just thinking that the trick had gone wrong when there was a screech! Our stony friends had found heaps of wet leaves in the gutter and had pelted Arabella with those. Result!

Toby has been pestering me to put his poem on the blog so here it is. Just remember, gargoylz have a different way of doing poems to us.

Dangling drainpipes, I can fly!

Ever so, ever so, ever so high

See me whiz around the spire

The birds fly high but I go a lot faster than them and they can’t catch me.

Even Toby isn’t sure about that last line. Maybe you can suggest a better one.

And here’s one from Rufus all about him turning into a skeleton.

Here comes Rufus

With terrible groans

Running round the churchyard

And rattling his fingers and toes so it scares everybody away. Especially at Halloween which is coming up.

We can’t wait until next week. It’s half term so NO SCHOOL. There’s a stone skimming competition in the park on Wednesday and I’m an ace stone skimmer.

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As promised, here’s the kitty poem. We have to warn you, it’s very bad.

My ickle kitty is fluffy wuffy

Fluffy wuffy puffy puffy

My ickle kitty likes to purr

And has softy wofty fur

My ickle kitty is the cutest pie

When I see her I have to sigh

Oh fluffy wuffy puffy puffy

Softy wofty cutey pie!

Pass the sick bag!  Here’s our poem about our kitten – It’s called ‘Here comes Theo’.

Here comes Theo

Fluffy tail and paws

But inside he’s a tiger

With giant teeth and claws

Here comes Theo

He isn’t soft or cute

Warning – if pick him up

He’ll turn into a brute

We let the gargoylz write the last verse.

Here comes Theo

Everybody hide

He may look like a kitten

But he’s very fierce and nobody should mess with him. Ever.

The gargoylz don’t really understand poetry!

We have to go to science club tonight. It was our mums’ idea. Mr Widget has said we’re going to do something really exciting. Bet it’s not! Mr Widget thinks that jam on toast is exciting!

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Arabella has been the bossiest school monitor in the history of bossiest school monitors all week! We decided to play an awesome trick on her. It was Cyrus’s idea. He’d seen it on the vicar’s tv. The vicar had been watching a boring programme all about church porches so Cyrus sang him to sleep and watched the programmes he wanted to. And he got this great idea.
Max and I were at my house and we called Arabella into the kitchen then we showed her our plates which were covered in flies. And then we ate them in front of her! She screamed. Then we got more flies to fly round her head making really loud buzzing noises. And of course when Mum came in to see what all the noise was about, our plates were clean and the flying flies buzzed off. Then at tea time, we put some flies into her spaghetti and just as she was about to eat a big mouthful, we pointed them out. Arabella spat sauce and pasta all over the table. It was awesome!
We didn’t eat real flies of course. That would be disgusting. Cyrus made them for us. And guess who ran round Arabella’s head holding a fly in each hand and buzzing in her ear – you’ve got it, invisible Zack.
Want to make your own flies? Well here’s how you do it…

You need:
Big, juicy raisins
Flaked almonds
To make one fly -
Take one raisin and two bits of flaked almond.
Make two little holes in the raisin. (You can snip it with scissors as long as they’re clean scissors and haven’t got yucky glue on and they’re safe for kids to use and all that boring stuff.)
Stick an almond slice into each hole to look just like wings.
Then eat them in front of your annoying sisters or parents!
Have fun!

Got to go and hide now. Turns out Mum needed the raisins for a cake and we’d eaten the last ones! Can’t think how she knows it was us.

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Back to school this week. The one good thing about school is being able to see the gargoylz on the church next door. When we arrived there were vans in the car park because the school had been painted during the holidays and the decorators hadn’t quite finished the staff room. The whole place ponged of new paint!

Anyway we hadn’t been back a second when we all had to troop into the hall for an assembly with Mrs Hogsbottom. She began to tell us how we all had to work really hard this term or it would be outrageous and she was thinking about banning football until we could all recite our nine times table and blah blah blah. She didn’t really say blah blah blah, I just stopped listening so that’s what it sounded like.

Suddenly I realised that the infants were giggling and pointing up at the ceiling. Gradually the whole school looked and it was awesome. Everywhere was covered with yellow pawprints. The prints ran all over the ceiling. Max nudged me and we could see that new prints were appearing on the wall behind Mrs Hogsbum. We looked closely and could just see the outline of a stony tail and long stony nose. It was Neb! He must have jumped in a paint pot and then used his special power to blend in with the background.

Now the infants could see the prints appearing behind Mrs H and they got scared. Their shrieks were so loud that their teachers had to take them out. Mrs Hogsbum kept bellowing to everyone to be quiet as it was against school rule number 256 – children must not look at the wall and shriek when the head teacher is talking to them. Then at last she turned round and spotted the footprints that were still appearing – and gave the biggest shriek of all!! As we marched out of the hall we heard her gibbering about the school being haunted by a ghost that didn’t obey school rule number 778 – spooks must not put ghostly footprints on the wall behind the head teacher.

When we set off for home, Neb told us that all the gargoylz were going to jump in the paint and decorate Mrs Hogsbottom’s office. Can’t wait to see what she thinks of it.

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It was the Fun Day yesterday and it was fun! The gargoylz came and dashed off the moment they saw all the baby rides. The last we saw of them, they were hiding in the mini train and they were having a great time.
Max and I were asked to help with the bubbles. We thought we’d be blowing them out of those little wand things but it turned out they had a machine. It was awesome. All we had to do was fill it with soapy mixture and turn it on. It made the most humungous bubbles and the little kids loved them. They ran all over the place, chasing them and trying to make them burst. The bubbles were super strong and very hard to break. Jessica had a great time and almost seemed human. Hard to believe, I know!
But then disaster! We were told to have an ice cream break and we didn’t need to be told twice. We got a double scoop with chocolate flake and crunchy cone completely free because we were helpers. They were mega-delicious. We’d eaten about half when a stony paw pulled at my sleeve. It was Rufus and he looked worried. It turned out that Toby had been mucking about with the bubble machine trying to make the biggest bubble in the history of biggest bubbles. He’d been sitting on the machine when the bubble came out and he’d got trapped inside. Now he was floating high above the park and the others didn’t know how to rescue him as Toby is the only one who can fly.
We asked Barney and Eli to look after our ice creams and then we gathered the rest of the gargoylz together. We could see Toby’s bubble floating away over the play park. Luckily no one was in there as they were all at the Fun Day. Abel dashed up to the top of the slide and then turned into the tallest tree he could. But he still wasn’t high enough to reach Toby. I had a brainwave – gargoyle ladder! I got the others to scramble up to the very top of Abel’s tree and then stand on each other’s shoulders. Rufus turned into a skeleton to make himself as tall as possible. The gargoyle ladder was very wobbly but it worked. As Toby floated by, Theo stretched out a claw and popped the bubble. Toby flew away and the other gargoylz tumbled down in a heap and slid down the slide. Mission success!
Max and I went back to the bubble machine and found that Barney and Eli had finished our ice creams! Luckily we had some pocket money and bought our own – triple scoop with two flakes each.

Mum and Dad have been hinting all day about a surprise to finish off the school holidays. Wonder what it will be…

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