School holidays! No more Mrs Hogsbum for two weeks. And it’s nearly Christmas!!
I went to hospital with Ben and his mum on Tuesday after school so he could have his plaster off. Theo and Jelly came with us as they wanted to see what happened. They sneaked into the boot of Ben’s car and when we got to the hospital they hid behind a curtain in the cubicle. It was okay until the nurse came in with an electric saw! They were so scared that Jelly melted into a pool of purple goo and Theo ran up the curtain in fright squeaking ‘She’s going to cut his leg off!’ The nurse thought it was me and told me not to be silly.
We were really looking forward to school the next day because Barry the Basher had been telling Ben that his leg would be all thin and weedy and would drop off when he didn’t have his plaster on any more. Of course, Ben’s leg looked fine but I found a an old chair leg and we put a sock on it and strapped Ben’s trainer to the bottom. Then at playtime we rolled Ben’s trousers up to the knee and he bent his leg up behind him so that it couldn’t be seen. Neb blended in with the background and held his leg steady for him. Then Zack popped invisible and held the chair leg in place. It really looked as if Ben had a skeleton leg under his sock. We called Barry over and told him he was right about Ben’s leg – it could drop off at any moment. Ben gave a little cough and Zack grabbed the chair leg and waved it in the Basher’s face.
Barry ran off screaming about haunted legs and did five laps of the netball courts before the dinnerladies tackled him to the ground.
It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow!! The gargoylz have decided that they will split into two groups and one will lot sleep in my room and the others with Ben. They want to stay awake and see Ruben, their gargoyle friend from the North Pole. We’d like to see Father Christmas as well and see how he is but we know that we have to be asleep or he can’t leave us any presents.
Happy Christmas, everyone!

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The play was awesome. Most of Ben’s lines were ‘Arggh, Jim lad,’ and even he could remember that! And Ira was in the play! Long John Silver has a parrot called Captain Flint and the stuffed model went missing just before the curtain went up. No one had any idea where it was except I did find some claw-shaped footprints in the dust near the costume box. Then Ira appeared. He’d covered himself in green paint and had an eye patch. Gargoylz don’t usually let humans see them but Ira was in disguise so it was all right. And he’s convinced that he’s a fierce pirate parrot, although he’s never been on a ship, so he knew all the right things to say, like ‘pieces of eight’ and shiver me timbers!’ Everyone was impressed and wondered how Ben was making the model talk. Though they were a bit puzzled when he suddenly squawked ‘pigeons on the spire’!  There was one sticky moment when he forgot himself and flapped his wings, making his special power work. It began to rain over Mrs Hogsbum but only for a few seconds!

I was a character called Blind Pew and I had to walk about as if I couldn’t see. I had great fun, bashing into Lucinda!  The audience gasped when she nearly fell off the stage though – but then they laughed as they must have thought it was part of the play. And Mr Widget said it was good character acting.

Then the gargoylz started to sing a pirate song from the lighting.

Pirates, pirates we are pirates

Pirates, pirates here we come

Fighting, swishing, swashing, swinging

Falling over on our … backs.

They’re still no good at rhymes!

Mum says we’re going to a party tomorrow and she said it’s not a person’s birthday. What a mystery! Hope there’s plenty of cake!!

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Everyone in the class wanted to try out Ben’s crutches. And everyone wanted to sign his cast. The gargoylz hadn’t left much room with their paw marks but they managed somehow.
Then Mr Widget came over. He was full of boring facts about how they make plaster of Paris – which is what they used to put on broken bones a hundred years ago when he was a boy. And then he went on about how crutches should be measured. Then suddenly he noticed the marks on Ben’s cast. Mr Widget got really excited. He grabbed a magnifying glass and started inspecting the paw prints saying that he was sure that they’d been made by the Allogonian lizard that was extinct! We couldn’t tell him that Azzan had made them and that he wasn’t an Allogonian lizard but a stone gargoyle dragon! Ben had to pretend that he’d drawn them.
But it gave us an idea for a trick. Just before school, Azzan, Jelly and Enoch slipped into Mr Widget’s classroom, spilled flour all over the floor and then left their prints all over the place. We could hear Mr Widget from the school gates. He was telling Mrs Hogsbum that there was an escaped Allogonian lizard, a pterodactyl and an owl loose in the school. Mrs Hogsbum said that was outrageous and they’d all broken School rule number 3803 – escaped extinct creatures, extinct flying reptiles and nocturnal birds must not leave footprints on classroom floors!
Poor Mr Widget. He telephoned the local paper to come and see but by the time they arrived, Mr Bucket had swept up all the mess. The reporter took his picture and wrote a story about teachers going mad in Oldeacre Primary School.
Jelly has written a poem about it.

See the prints upon the floor
Claws and paws, claws and paw
Make the teacher scream and shout
Can’t see what the fuss is over, it’s only prints.

Hey it’s just one month to Christmas! See you all in December.

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Last Saturday was AWESOME! It was even better than last year’s display at the church. The gargoylz were all there – even Theo, who is terrified of fireworks! He hid under the roundabout in the playground and watched from there. While the fireworks were whizzing about, there was a stall where people were cooking sausages and baked potatoes and all sorts of yummy food for afterwards.
While everyone was ooo-ing and ahh-ing over the display I suddenly saw Barry Price – the Basher – sneak up to the sausage stall and nick a great big handful – and he has very big hands! He ran off to the playground and stuffed his face. I told Ben and as soon as the display had finished we went off after him. I had A PLAN. First we went on the swings. Of course Barry came along and pushed us off so he could have a go. Next we got on the climbing frame and guess what – Barry kicked us off there as well so he could have it to himself. So then we got on the roundabout. Barry immediately ran up and threw us off. He sat on it and smirked at us while he stuffed his face with his last sausage.
“That’s not fair!” I said so that Barry could hear. “He won’t let us have a go but he’s not even making it go round.”
“Of course not!” said the Basher. “I get sick on roundabouts and then I can’t eat – and I want to eat all the sausages – and all the potatoes – and all the cakes.”
“Then you’d better make sure it doesn’t move,” I said very loudly so that Theo could hear.
Theo was brilliant. The roundabout started moving straight away! By the time Barry realised what was happening it was going too fast for him to jump off. We waved goodbye and left him looking green and clinging on. We got in the queue for food and counted up our money. Nan had given us some to spend and when we put our pocket money with it we found we’d got enough to buy sausages and potatoes and cakes for us and all the gargoylz.
As we staggered off with our feast to find our stony friends, the Basher ran past clutching his stomach. “Hi, Barry!” we called cheerily. “Want a sausage?” Well, we were only being friendly but he gave us a very dirty look. I don’t know why. We sat on the roundabout with the gargoylz and ate until we were full to bursting. (We gave Theo extra, of course, as he’d helped us with our trick) Then we played hide-and-seek until it was time to go home. Zack won, of course, as he kept popping invisible!
Better go now. Ben and I are going to do some circus tricks in the garden with the gargoyz. Awesome!

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We had a really awesome half term and a great stone skimming day on Wednesday. The competition was held on the big lake in the park. Ben is the best stone skimmer in the history of stone skimmers. He always picks the best stones and then he can throw them with that super special sideways skimming action that makes them skip across the surface of the water. His record before this was seven skips before the stone sank. So this competition was made for him.
The gargoylz were very excited when they heard about it. Abel said it was because they were also made of stone but Azzan let out the real reason. The prize is a box of chocolates and they wanted Ben to win so that they could help him eat them!
So we all went to the park. The gargoylz hid by the fountain so that if anyone saw them, they’d freeze and look like part of the decoration.
There were all sorts of competitors there from Miss Bleet to old Mr Windcheef who’s about ninety! To make it fair, the organisers had put a lot of flat pebbles into bags and the contestants could only use those and when they’d run out that was the end of their go. But then disaster struck. The competition was about to start when we heard a skuffle as someone with big fists was pushing their way through the crowd. I used my super sensitive radar and you’ve guessed it, it was Barry Price, codename: The Basher. He’d entered the competition as well and he came to stand next to Ben.
Ben tried not to let it put him off and his first stone did four skips before it sank. That put him in second place behind Mr Windcheef. Then the Basher had a go. He did six skips! And his next attempt was seven skips!
Ben was looking very sad. Then I felt a gargoyle paw on my arm and heard a whisper in my ear. There was no one there so I knew it was Zack. He’d gone invisible so that he could talk to me in private. He said that Barry was cheating! He’d brought his own stones with him and he told someone he’d rubbed them with sandpaper until they were superflat – just right for skimming.
So the gargoylz and I made a plan. I winked at Ben and then started telling him to be careful because the ghost of the lake didn’t like people throwing stones into it. Of course I said it all loudly so that Barry could hear. Ben pretended to look scared but the Basher laughed and said we were scaredy-scaredy girls’ pants!
He threw his next stone but as it hit the water, it rose up and came straight back at him. Barry couldn’t see that Neb had blended with the water, caught his stone and lobbed it back. He just looked gobsmacked. Then he took another stone and the same thing happened.
“That was the ghost,” I told him. “You’ve made it angry!”
The Basher picked up his next stone from his secret bag but before he could even move his arm, he was showered with tiny pebbles. All the gargoylz had joined in. He gave a scream of fright and ran away.
Success! It was up to Ben now. He drew level with Mr Windcheef and then on his last throw, his stone skipped across the water eight times! It was a world record – for Ben – and it won the competition. The big box of chocolates were yummy and the gargoylz were especially delighted as they were all shaped like pebbles!
It’s back to school next week, worst luck, but it’s Halloween on Monday so I’m going round to Ben’s house for a special spooky tea! I bet some little stony friends come too.

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I never thought I’d be writing this but science club was cool. In fact it went with a bang! We all trailed out into the playground following Mr Widget who had his bicycle pump under his arm. At first we thought we were going to watch him pumping up his bike tyres. BORING. Then he got out a lemonade bottle so we thought maybe there’d be food as well and we were going to have a picnic! AWESOME! But then he tipped out some of the lemonade and put the bottle on a stand and attached the pump to the bottle. He told us he was going to show us how to make a water rocket.  That sounded good to us but Lucinda and Poppy and Tiffany started shrieking that it was going to explode all over them.

The rocket was fantastic. It shot up really high in the air and the water all whooshed out of the end. It was only spoilt by those stupid girls shrieking so loudly that we were nearly deafened. Then the best thing of all – Mr Widget had brought loads of lemonade bottles and pumps and he said he’d let us do our own rockets. We had to wait about a year before he’d stopped Lucinda and Poppy and Tiffany whimpering.

We got everything ready and decided to play a trick on them for being so silly and girly. We tried to aim the rocket over their heads so the water would go all over them but it didn’t go the right way. We tried again but the rocket just zoomed off into a tree and we had to get it down. Luckily we spotted Toby, Rufus and Zack in the hedge, watching. And Ben had the most awesome idea in the history of awesome ideas. Zack popped invisible and clung on to the rocket. We pumped it up and off it shot with Zack clinging on. We saw it climbing into the air then suddenly it changed direction and the water shot all over the stupid girls. RESULT! We didn’t even get told off because Mr Widget said it wasn’t possible to control where the rockets went so we can’t have done it deliberately.

Must go now. Been writing this on the school computer and it’s playtime. There’s a huge pile of leaves in the playground and the gargoylz are going to hide inside and wait until

Arabella goes by!  Ben says she’s been the bossiest older sister in the history of bossy older sisters and deserves a trick.

And we have to give you a warning. The gargoylz have been writing more poetry and they want us to put it on the blog!

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We had to go down to the corner shop and buy some more raisins for Mum after we’d eaten them all. That was good as it got us away from Arabella’s screeching. Later on we got tummy ache and that wasn’t Arabella’s screeching. It was too many raisins.

Mrs Hogsbum has discovered Skype! At first this was really good because she was so busy talking to people that she didn’t come out of her office all week. It was so peaceful. Even the teachers looked happier. Then she appeared at assembly this morning and told us that each class were going to talk to another class in another school on the other side of the country. This sounded cool until we heard that our class had to recite a poem written by Lucinda Tellingly called ‘My ickle kitty’. We were to do this after first break so at playtime we ran to the church wall to ask for some gargoyle help.
We trooped into the hall and stood in front of the computer, ready to talk to the other school. A terrifying face appeared on the screen. Miss Bleet screamed and Mr Widget fainted. Ben and I high-fived because we thought we were going to see a ghost film but it turned out to be the head teacher from the other school. Her name is Mrs Scratchard and she is Mrs Hogsbottom’s sister!
Mrs Scratchard moved aside to show us the class we’d be reciting our poem to. They looked really cool and we knew we just couldn’t be seen reading the awful words that Lucinda had written. We hoped the gargoylz would come to our rescue soon.
We had just started with the first line, ‘My ickle kitty is fluffy wuffy’. I thought I was going to be sick! And of course we could hear all the children from the other school start to giggle.
At that moment, there was a loud tapping at the hall window that drowned out our voices. Everyone stopped and looked but it was only the branches of a tree. Ben nudged me and winked. We know there isn’t a tree outside the hall. It was Abel coming to our rescue.
But Mrs Hogsbum told us to just speak louder! We started again, shouting, ‘My ickle kitty is fluffy wuffy’ which was even worse because it meant other classes in our school could hear us too.
Then Toby appeared up at the top window but before he could do anything, Miss Bleet pulled the lever that shut it and he was knocked flying. Lucky he can fly.
We were really worried now because it looked as if the gargoylz were shut out and they wouldn’t be able to do anything. Then I felt something pull on my t-shirt. There was no one there but then I heard a gargoyly whisper in my ear – ‘Don’t worry, boyz. We have a plan! Put your fingers in your ears!’ It had to be Zack and he was warning us that Cyrus was about to sing!
All around us everyone fell asleep, including Mrs Scratchard’s school. Ben and I told each other jokes for ten minutes until they all woke up. And then Mrs Scratchard told Mrs Hogsbum off for making them hear a boring poem that put them to sleep. They started arguing so we all went back to our classes!

Ira thinks we should tell you the whole poem so you can see what the gargoylz saved us from. But we’ll be sick so maybe you can see it next week when we haven’t just had our tea.

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Remember the gargoylz paw prints all over Mrs Hogsbum’s office? We thought she’d go ballistic when she saw them. But she didn’t. She liked them! She thought that the painters had got some clever stencils and she wanted the staffroom to be decorated just like it. But of course the workmen didn’t know what she was talking about. When we got to school she was having a big argument with the chief decorator. They were shouting ‘you did’ and ‘we didn’t’ at each other like a couple of kids. In the end Mr Widget and Miss Bleet had to lead Mrs Hogsbum away and make her a cup of tea!
When we told the gargoylz they decided they’d help her out. But they didn’t put the prints on the staffroom walls. Instead they put them on the staffroom windows so no one could see out. Then Mrs H really did go ballistic. I don’t think the decorators will be coming back for a long time.

Bart has been looking at our photos from the animal park and it made him think of some animal jokes. He’s insisted that we tell you them. The gargoylz have already picked their favourites.
So here they are.

(Bart’s favourite)
What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
Lost!

(Barney’s favourite)
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the Pooh!

(Theo’s favourite)
What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripy pyjamas!

(Toby’s favourite)
How do you make a green Gorilla?
Cross a blue gorilla with a yellow one!

(Eli’s favourite)
Q: Why did the snake cross the road?
A: To get to the other ssssssside!

(Jelly’s favourite)
Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A: A dino-snore!

Bart would love it if you could tell him which one you like best. Or even better – tell him some new jokes.

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Mum and Dad’s surprise for us was a trip to a wildlife park – and not just any wildlife park. It was the best wildlife park in history of wildlife parks.

We thought it might be a disaster though because of course our yucky sisters had to come too. But then our parents did an awesome thing!  The moment we arrived, our dads took the girls off to the petting zoo so that they could touch some sweet furry things. We think it was really our dads’ idea, they’re so soppy! And we went with our mums to find the cool animals, starting with the lions.

The lions were in an amazing enclosure. It was so big that you couldn’t see the other side and they had trees to sharpen their claws on and rocks to lie on. There was one big lion with a fantastic mane, two lionesses and four cubs. Ben and I were just thinking it was a shame the gargoylz couldn’t see them when a stony head popped up between the lion’s paws. It was Barney. He must have sneaked inside the car when we left. He gave all the lions a good scratch on the heads.

Then we went to see the tigers. And who do you think popped up here? Theo, of course. He’d changed into his kitten form and started playing hide-and-seek with the tigers. When he saw us, he scuttled over and told us not to be scared.  (As usual he thought he’d turned into a fierce tiger.) Trouble was our sisters turned up at this moment and screamed their heads off because they could see Theo in the enclosure and thought he was a dear little kitten about to be eaten by the horrible tigers. Luckily our parents didn’t see him as he jumped into the tigers’ pond just in time. But the screams brought some of the animal warders along to see what was going on. Just then, Jessica screamed again and said that an escaped monkey was flying over the ice cream stand! We knew who that was of course – Toby! Luckily the warders ran off to find it.

Our dads decided that the girls had seen too many fierce animals and took them back to the petting zoo and Ben and I were able to see every animal – and gargoyle – in peace.

We ended up on the most awesome adventure playground. It had the biggest tube slides in the history of biggest tube slides. Ben, Toby, Theo, Barney and I all slid down together! Trouble was Barney got a bit excited and did one of his horrible bottom burps. But that kept the rest of the visitors away and the tube slide was ours!

On the way home, Jessica kept talking about the flying monkey that had escaped. I wonder what she’d have said if she’d realised the ‘monkey’ was in the boot, finishing off the picnic with his friends.

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We were at my house when Eli appeared and told us that Mrs Hogsbum had come back from her sailing holiday yesterday – a week early! We ran off to the church to hear how Jelly and Ira and Bart had got on as they’d gone with her.

When we got there all the gargoylz were rolling about on the grass, laughing so much that they couldn’t speak. At last Jelly and Ira and Bart managed to tell us that Mrs Hogsbum had been awful from the moment she stepped on to the boat. She wore a hat with ‘Captain’ written on it and kept telling the rest of the crew ‘The Rules of Sailing’. Everyone got so fed up that the gargoylz decided to do something about it before the crew jumped overboard. Ira started by making it rain on her head when it was a really sunny day. She kept shouting ‘storm approaching – take cover’ and everyone thought she was mad. Then Bart burped spiders into her dinner. She ran around shrieking but by the time anyone looked they’d gone. Jelly made himself into a long thin rope of gloopy goo and pretended to be one of the boat’s ropes that had come loose. When Mrs H leaned out of the boat to catch him, he flipped out of the way and she fell into the water head first. She swam round the boat shouting ‘Sailing rule number 372, the captain must not fall overboard’ but somehow the crew didn’t hear her and she had to swim to the nearest island and hitch a lift home when a cruise went by. The gargoylz carried on with the sailing holiday and had a lovely time (in secret of course). At the end of the holiday they sneaked into her luggage – which she’d left behind – and were sent home inside it.

We’ve got to go to a fun day in park run by Jessica’s play club next Sunday.  We don’t think it’ll be fun at all – all the rides and things will be for little kids. Of course it could be fun if the gargoylz come along.

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