You need:
Big, juicy raisins
Flaked almonds
To make one fly -
Take one raisin and two bits of flaked almond.
Make two little holes in the raisin. (You can snip it with scissors as long as they’re clean scissors and haven’t got yucky glue on and they’re safe for kids to use and all that boring stuff.)
Stick an almond slice into each hole to look just like wings.
Then eat them in front of your annoying sisters or parents!
Have fun!

Got to go and hide now. Turns out Mum needed the raisins for a cake and we’d eaten the last ones! Can’t think how she knows it was us.

Anyway, on the way home I had to get new shoes. The most boring shopping in the history of most boring shopping.  Mum picked Max and me up in the car and we went off to this old-fashioned shop where a very cross lady got loads of really horrible shoes out for me to try. I told Mum they all looked like what grandads wear but she wouldn’t listen and the shoes lady kept tutting at me.  Suddenly Max started giggling. One of the pairs of shoes jumped out of the box and started jumping about! Then another pair joined in! Mum and the shoe lady couldn’t believe their eyes! We knew just what had happened. Zack and Neb had stowed away in the car and come in to help. 

Then we heard Toby’s growly voice from under the seats.  “Disgusting! These shoez have got fleaz. That’s why they’re jumping about.”

All the other shoppers screamed and stampeded so fast for the door that they all tried to go through it together and got stuck. The cross lady had to call the fire brigade to get them free! And in the meantime, I chose some really cool shoes and the cross lady and Mum were so upset by everything that they didn’t argue. Result! 

Next Friday is April Fool’s Day. I wonder if the gargoylz have got anything planned?

We had a tunnel and a secret lab and a launch pad for our superspy rocket. But then Jessica came along. She wanted to play but she didn’t want to play Spy-boy. We didn’t want to play Spy-boy with her either but instead she wanted our base to be a princess castle! Ben and I were nearly sick.

Luckily Bart, Jelly and Neb had come to play with us. So Jelly melted down into a squidgy blob all over her shoes, Neb blended in with the cardboard and tripped Jessica up and Bart burped some spiders down her neck.  Jessica ran away screaming and so the secret base became a princess-free zone again.

Bart wanted us to tell you his best joke for this time of year but he likes two and couldn’t decide which one.  What do you think?

Q. What season is it when you’re on a trampoline?…

A. Spring-time!

Q. Can February March?…

A. No but April May!

Ben and I have to make a model of a king for history homework so we’re going to plan it out this weekend. We’ve chosen King Henry the eighth and I’ve had an awesome idea about how to do it that will be a trick as well.

We had great fun last Saturday. We met the gargoylz at the church. We had our paper and charcoal ready to do some brass rubbings in case any grownups came along. We thought we’d have the place to ourselves though as the vicar had gone to a vicar’s paintballing day and there was nothing up on the notice board – like weddings or christenings. We’d forgotten about Doris and Aggie, the demon flower arrangers. Luckily we heard their screeching voices before they saw us so the gargoylz were able to hide and Max and I began doing a rubbing of Sir Oswald Fitzgubbins. He was a knight with a big nose who died in 1456. Doris and Aggie are so old they probably babysat for him when he was young!

Anyway the demon flower arrangers came in with their arms full of daffodils, took one look at us and started moaning.  They said we were making the place untidy and we were putting them off. They needed all their artistic power to decorate the church. We were just about to complain that we were there first when I noticed Barney sitting on a beam above their heads.  We held our noses and just in time. He made a dreadful pong. Doris and Aggie gave a shriek, threw down their daffodils and ran.

Barney felt a bit mean so he put the flowers in the vases for them. Zack tried to help but he put them in all upside-down!

I’m going to Max’s house tomorrow. We’ve got plans to make a Spy-Boy base out of  giant cardboard boxes.

Anyway, playtimes haven’t been as much fun without our stony friends. Ben and I tried to play Super special secret agents today but we made a big mistake!  We’d planned an awesome trick on those icky girls, Lucinda, Poppy and Tiffany. All week we’ve been making confetti bombs!  They’re easy peasy. Ben got some of the thin paper bags that his mum puts sandwiches in.  We filled them with all the paper bits from Dad’s paper shredder.  Our plan was to drop them on the girls when they go to have their playtime chat under the honeysuckle. 

So we got in position and when we heard the footsteps we dropped our bombs.  But we didn’t know that the girls had been overtaken at the last minute and our paper bombs splattered all over…. Barry-the Basher-Price!

He was really angry and started rampaging about.  We were sure he was going to find us any minute when all of a sudden it began to rain over his head.  It was Ira using his special power.  Before he could say ‘you’re bashed’ the paper and water turned to papier-mâché and got stuck on his head like a sort of drippy helmet.

It took three dinner ladies and Mr Duster the caretaker to get Barry free.  And then he had to walk round school with pink bits stuck on his stubbly hair because Dad had shredded some pink paper. Mrs Hogsbottom said he’d broken School Rule number 363 – boys must not have shredded pink paper in their hair.

So Ira saved us in the nick of time.

The gargoylz are off again next week to visit more schools but we’re going to spend all weekend with them. We’ve told our mums we’ve got a brass rubbing project at the church. I wonder what we’ll get up to. 

Oh… Toby wants to know if anyone saw them this week? They were in Brighton, Essex and Kent. They hid from the teachers of course!

It was set up like a deserted castle and we all had laser guns in the shape of old fashioned swords.  Max and I were in a team together and we sped off to get away from the girls.  Our aim was to make it all the way from the drawbridge to the battlements without being blasted.  And we had to shoot the enemy teams and collect pretend gold coins on the way. The girls were on a different team and they were such sissies that they made our mums go with them! It was easy to know where they were because they kept screaming really girly shrieks just because it was dark.

We had an awesome time, blasting at monsters and collecting treasure.  But then something really scary happened.   We were creeping round the dark tunnels trying to find the last gold coin when we saw one whizzing along the ground ahead of us.  Every time we got near to it, it whizzed off again.  Then we realised it was being pulled along by a snake.  We thought we had it trapped in an old barrel but when we tipped it up we got covered in spiders! Yuck! It was only when the spiders vanished and we heard some growly chuckles that we realised the gargoylz were there! Eli and Bart had sneaked along for the fun! Eli was the snake of course and Bart had burped up the spiders.  Eli had found the last gold coin and we were able to get our prize – a slap up tea in the cafe.

As we were on our way there, we suddenly remembered that we were going to play a trick on the girls. But before we could think one up we heard a bloodcurdling shriek coming from a dark passageway and Jessica and Arabella came dashing out yelling that a haunted suit of armour was after them! We knew it must be one of the gargoylz.  The girls rushed off into the car park shrieking that they would never go to Lasershoot ever, ever again in their lives. RESULT!  When they’d gone, we saw Rufus – as a skeleton – waving one of his bony arms out of the suit of armour.

When we got our tea we made sure that all three gargoylz got plenty of cookies and doughnuts smuggled to them under the table.  Anyway Lasershoot was cool!

Bart wants me to tell you his favourite joke about Eli.

Q. What is a snake’s favourite food? 

A. Hiss Fingers!

And now Toby wants me to tell you something.  Oh yes!  The gargoylz are part of the World Book Day book.  I don’t think you’d need to be told.  Doesn’t everyone know that?  Anyway he’s insisting so I’m telling you!  And he says I must tell you to look out for the gargoylz next week as they’re going to visit lots of schools all around World Book Day. So if you live in Essex, Kent, Hertfordshire or Sussex you might see a stony paw or tail whizzing out of sight.  But remember, keep it a secret!

When it was first playtime we got Theo to sneak a special homemade Valentine card on to her desk.  Mr Duster, the caretaker, nearly caught him but he turned into a kitten just in time and we didn’t see him for hours as Mr Duster scooped him up, gave him a cushion in his broom cupboard and found some tuna for him.  Toby tried to rescue him but Theo said he didn’t want to be rescued as he was enjoying himself. 

Anyway, we didn’t know that was all happening because Ben, Azzan, Ira and I were hiding under Mrs Hogsbum’s window waiting to see what would happen when she read her card.  Ira had written the verse and it said (in wobbly writing as he had to hold the pencil in his beak)…

Yo ho ho
And a bottle of ink
You’ve got a big nose
And you stink.

When Mrs Hogsbum came into her room and read the card she bellowed ‘Outrageous’ and the whole school heard it. Then she insisted on finding out who had written Ira’s card so she stormed round the school making everyone go into the hall and write out the poem so she could check our writing. Even the teachers! In the end she decided that Mr Widget who had sent it! Well, his writing was very wobbly with her breathing down his neck! She yelled ‘Outrageous’ another hundred and fifty times and told Mr Widget that he’d broken School Rule number 636 – Teachers must not send rude Valentine cards to the head teacher! She said he’d have to stay in at playtime!

It’s half term next week and Ben and I are going to Lasershoot.  Arabella and Jessica are going too so we’ve got to think up a really good trick so they won’t go there ever again.

We weren’t going to let her get the better of us.  We thought we’d wait a few days until she’d forgotten all about it and then yesterday we played a wonderful trick.  Swotty Arabella had worked really hard on a project about barometers.  (They hang on the wall and tell you what the weather’s going to be like – boring!)   On our way to school, she went on and on about how it was the best project ever and she was the brainiest girl in the school and her teacher would be really pleased with her when she whipped it out of her bag.  Little did she know that we had a prank in store for her.

When we got to the playground, she put her bag down and started chatting with her horrible friends.  Barney was hiding in a nearby hedge and he made one of his best smells.  The girls all ran away coughing and spluttering, leaving their bags behind.  Quick as a flash, Toby grabbed the project and flew away with it.  Meanwhile Cyrus quickly shredded some paper with his claws and shoved that in her bag instead so it would look as if she’d torn her project into pieces.  Then we all went into our classes.

Soon there was a humungous shriek from Arabella down the corridor.  I jumped up and told Miss Bleet that my sister needed me.  Max and I dashed out of the door to where Toby was waiting for us with the project. We grabbed it and ran along to Arabella’s classroom.  We peered through the glass door at her.  She was having a tantrum, chucking shredded paper everywhere as she ransacked her bag looking for her project.  Her teacher looked cross.

I knocked at the door and asked in my sweetest voice if Arabella had lost anything.  Then I held up the project.  Arabella went purple and shrieked that I had stolen it.  It was great because her teacher got really cross then and told Arabella she should be grateful to have such a lovely brother. 

Max and I did the biggest high five ever outside! 

It’s Valentine’s day on Monday which is really yucky.  Wonder if we can play a special Valentine’s trick on someone?

The show was as bad as we thought – full of dancing pixies and furry animals.  Ben and I got really fidgety.  We had to sit through ten minutes of this and Neb and Zack hadn’t played any pranks at all.  I was just telling Ben that I thought they must have gone to sleep somewhere when Mum poked us in the back.  She told us that if we didn’t keep quiet we’d be banned from playing football for a month!  So we zipped our lips while Jessica and eight other little lambs skipped about.  (They looked more like a herd of hippopotamuses.)  Then Arabella pranced on to the stage to do a dance called the Dying Duck.  She had a stupid pink costume on which was covered in feathers.  Ben and I were just agreeing that we’d never seen a pink duck before when we remembered the footie ban threat and shut up.

Arabella was jumping and twirling to some horrible twinkly music when suddenly the feathers on her dress began to fly off into the air.  We knew what was happening of course.  Invisible paws were plucking the dancing duck!  The feathers were all around Arabella like a pink blizzard.  She tried to dance on, spitting out bits of fluff when suddenly she began to spin like a top across the stage and then disappeared into the wings.  There was an earsplitting crash and that was the end of the show.  She’d bowled into the rest of the farm animals and they were all shrieking so loudly with terror they couldn’t dance.  Result!

I’m at Ben’s house now for tea and we’re going to leave some pink feathers all over her bed! 

The gargoylz said that as we had ten minutes before she opened her eyes, they could help us get everything ready and give her a big surprise. Well, she certainly got a big surprise! We put all the ingredients in a bowl and Neb jumped in and snorkelled round. He said he was mixing it all up but he squirted most of it round the room. By the time Max’s nan woke up there was egg on the ceiling, butter all over the bread bin and flour in the cooker. In the end she made the muffins and we ate them – at least, we ate as many as we could before the gargoylz got their stony paws on them!

This Saturday is going to be soooo boring. Max and I have to go and watch Jessica and Arabella take part in some sort of girly dance show. Hold on – maybe if the gargoylz come along it won’t be so bad…