We made an awesome base by sticking loads of big boxes together.

We had a tunnel and a secret lab and a launch pad for our superspy rocket. But then Jessica came along. She wanted to play but she didn’t want to play Spy-boy. We didn’t want to play Spy-boy with her either but instead she wanted our base to be a princess castle! Ben and I were nearly sick.

Luckily Bart, Jelly and Neb had come to play with us. So Jelly melted down into a squidgy blob all over her shoes, Neb blended in with the cardboard and tripped Jessica up and Bart burped some spiders down her neck.  Jessica ran away screaming and so the secret base became a princess-free zone again.

Bart wanted us to tell you his best joke for this time of year but he likes two and couldn’t decide which one.  What do you think?

Q. What season is it when you’re on a trampoline?…

A. Spring-time!

Q. Can February March?…

A. No but April May!

Ben and I have to make a model of a king for history homework so we’re going to plan it out this weekend. We’ve chosen King Henry the eighth and I’ve had an awesome idea about how to do it that will be a trick as well.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks, jokes
Tags: Bart Ben Gargoylz Jelly Jessica jokes Max Neb Pranks spiders

29

Bart insisted that we give you his Christmas present a bit early so here it is… a bunch of Christmas jokes!

What is a child’s favourite king at Christmas?  

A stocking!

What did the cow say on 25^th December?

Mooey Christmas!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis!

How did Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep and crisp and even!

What goes oh, oh, oh?

Santa walking backwards!

What did Rudolph want for Christmas?

A sleigh-station!

What’s warm and delicious and sneaks round the kitchen?

Mince spies!

And talking of mince pies, Ben and I are off to see the gargoylz with a whole tin of them.  We’re going to have a Christmas Feast.  So here’s the last joke.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Mary.

Mary who?

Mary Christmas Everyone!

Categories: Gargoylz, jokes
Tags: Bart Christmas jokes

13

We covered Jessica’s cupcakes in green gooey icing and told her it was snot!  She stamped her foot and said ‘it’s not!’ We roared with laughter and said we were glad she agreed. Do you get it, gargoylz fans?  If not, try saying ‘It’s not’ and ‘It’s snot’ out loud!!

We’re going to start rehearsing for our class Christmas play. It’s called ‘A Christmas Carol’. It’s an awesome story. This mean old man called Scrooge gets visited by four ghosts and it makes him nicer.  The ghosts are brilliant.  I want to be the ghost of Christmas present.  I thought I’d be dressing up as a ghostly parcel till Miss Bleat told me that ‘Christmas present’ didn’t mean a present that you give at Christmas. It means the ghost of this Christmas. Why do grownups have such funny ways of saying things? Anyway, the ghost of Christmas present gets to say lots and I’ve been practising like mad so that I get chosen. But as usual I’m having trouble remembering the words. Still Max and the gargoylz said they’d help.  The gargoylz haven’t been that helpful so far. I popped into the churchyard after school for a rehearsal. But they had their fingers in their ears when I was trying the lines and Barney even said my acting was giving him a tummy ache. Then he got very anxious that he’d upset me and did an accidental bottom burp. The dreadful stink went everywhere. That was enough for Max and me. We ran home. If this goes on, I don’t think I’m going to get any part at all in the play.

It’s the Christmas fair tomorrow. The gargoylz weren’t too sure about coming into school on a Saturday until they heard there’d be a cake stall.  I wonder what tricks they’ll get up to…

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks, jokes
Tags: Barney Ben cupcakes ghosts Jessica Max

5

Halloween was super spooky!  Max dressed as a mummy with blood-soaked bandages (tomato sauce) and I was a zombie, with my face painted green. When our friends arrived in their awesome costumes we set off to go trick-a-treating.  Mum took us – and we only went to people we knew of course. It was awesome!  (Even though Jessica insisted on being dressed as a pink princess.)  Theo thought he was being a fierce ghostly tiger but could only manage a sweet little kitten!  Everyone loved our costumes – especially the skeleton at the back of the line. That was Rufus if you hadn’t guessed.  Abel came as well and kept turning into different trees and shaking his branches at everyone. We came back with lots of goodies.

Then we played games. Max is the best at apple bobbing although his bandages got very wet.  He said he was an underwater mummy!  We put a bowl of water and some apples out in the garden for the gargoylz to play too where no one would see them. They spluttered so loudly that Mum and Dad thought the drains were playing up. Then we had a ghastly ‘pass the parcel’ with sets of vampire teeth in each layer.

Max’s mum cooked little sausages and Max and I had done our spaghetti and mozzarella and we all pretended they were ghouls’ fingers, guts, and eyeballs!  Max’s mum had made a chocolate cake that looked like a coffin.  It was scrumptious.  She was surprised to find it had all gone when she went to put the leftovers away.  Rufus, Theo and Abel all had very chocolatey stone faces when they went home.

Then we told each other ghost stories!  Max told the best one. A boy was going home through the dark graveyard when he heard a tapping noise. He was really scared until he came across a man, chiselling away at one of the tombstones. “Oh,” he said in relief. “I didn’t know anyone worked here this late.” The man shook his head. “I don’t work here. I’m just sorting this out.” He pointed to the tombstone. “They’ve spelt my name wrong, you see.”

Do you get it?  At least the gargoylz weren’t scared to go home to their graveyard.

Got to dash now. We’re off the church fireworks display. Bet the Gargoylz will be watching.

Categories: Gargoylz, jokes
Tags: Abel Ben fireworks Gargoylz Halloween Max Rufus Theo

2

Max’s banana trick didn’t work quite as well as he thought it would. Well, he wasn’t to know that his mum had decided to do baked bananas with syrup and sugar for afters.  The whole thing got covered in melted plastic so no one could eat it. And somehow, Max got the blame!

We had a scare on Wednesday.  We were just going home when Miss Bleet reminded us about a nature project on birds that we should have done during the holidays. Boring. We were supposed to give them in on Thursday.  Of course Max and I had forgotten all about it.  We were just wondering if she’d ban us from playing football all term when the gargoylz came to our rescue.  They sneaked home with us and rolled in Dad’s vegetable patch.  When they were really sticky with earth and squashed tomatoes, they covered themselves in feathers.  Zack had brought along all the vicar’s pillows and we got the feathers from there.  Then the gargoylz climbed up in the apple tree and pretended to be birds while we took photos.  Toby flew about so we got some video shots too.  Then we quickly put them on a powerpoint and called it Unusual Birds of Oldacre.

Miss Bleet was a bit puzzled as she didn’t recognise all the types of bird, especially the Tobybird that seemed to wave at the camera, but she told our mums how well we’d done and they’ve signed us up for a footie training day on Sunday as a reward.  Can’t wait.

PS Bart has a joke…

Q. What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A. A carrot!

Well, he thought it was funny!

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks, jokes
Tags: Ben football Gargoylz homework jokes Max Miss Bleet Toby tricks Zack

3

Max nearly deafened me when I told him what the awesome surprise was.  He was coming on holiday with me! 

And here we are, staying in a caravan right next to the beach.  It’s great.  We’ve got sand and huge waves – and some gargoyle friends of course. 

Yesterday we entered a sandcastle competition. Max and I made a superspy motor launch with shells for the missile launch buttons and seaweed for missiles – it made Arabella scream when we launched it at her.  The gargoylz all got together behind a rock and made a sand church which they decorated with sand models of themselves.  While we waited for the judges we had ice cream and Azzan got covered in it.  (He got overexcited and melted his with his flames.)

At that moment we saw the judges coming.  The other gargoylz hid but Azzan tripped!  He rolled over and the sand stuck to the ice cream on his stone.  He looked like a sand dragon.  He just had time to sit up with one paw in the air when the judges arrived.  And we won first prize for him!  The gargoylz were really cross until they realised what the prize was.  Free ice cream for the rest of the holiday.      

Bart has a holiday joke for Abel. 

Q. What do trees wear at the seaside?

A. Swimming trunks!

We go back to school next Wednesday, worse luck.  But we have a plan.  Every time we see Mrs Hogsbum we’re going to lean to one side and hold our noses!  We’ll never let her forget her holiday trip to Pisa.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks, jokes
Tags: Arabella Azzan Ben holiday Max Mrs Hogsbum

5

Last day of school! Hurray!

The play was awesome!  There were witches and walking trees and ghosts.  And at the end, the baddie, who was called Macbeth, got his head cut off and someone held it up.  It looked really real and dripped with blood and the Basher burst out crying. We didn’t need Ira to make it rain at all but we forgot to tell him so the whole audience got soaked! 

Anyway, the gargoylz really liked it so they invited us to go and watch them put on their version of the play in the churchyard. It was called MacGargoyle. Zack was MacGargoyle and he kept disappearing so it was hard to follow what was going on. Rufus, Eli and Azzan were the walking trees but they only had two leaves and a dandelion between them. We tried not to laugh. MacGargoyle’s head was a balloon with a face drawn on it so when Toby lifted it up, the wind blew it away and it popped on the spire.

Bart has just nudged my elbow.  He wants me to tell you a joke he heard in a school recently.

Q. What do you call an exploding ape?

A. A ba-boom!

We’re off to an amusement park on Monday – hurrah!

Categories: Gargoylz, jokes
Tags: Azzan Barry the Basher Bart Eli Gargoylz Ira jokes Rufus Shakespeare Toby Zack

5

Ben nearly got away with hiding in the stockroom last Friday. It would have been okay if he hadn’t knocked a box of rulers on to the floor just as Miss Bleet opened the stockroom door. When she’d stopped shaking and shrieking about ghosts she spotted him hiding on the top shelf. He had to stay in and clean all the paint pots. By the time she came back to check he’d done it properly he was covered in green paint. She started shrieking about monsters and scuttled off to the staffroom. 

 When we told Bart later he said it reminded him of a monster joke and we had to tell you all.  So here goes…

 What’s green and goes up and down?

A  monster on a trampoline!

Then he told us he’d been to a school recently and heard some great jokes.  Here’s two of them.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Doctor.

Doctor who?

That’s right!

Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom!

Must stop now and put a toothbrush and a pair of pants in my rucksack. I’m going to sleep over at Ben’s for the whole weekend. We’re going to play tricks with the gargoylz. I wonder what they’ve got planned. See you next week.

Categories: Gargoylz, jokes
Tags: Bart Ben Gargoylz jokes Max Miss Bleet

8

Blog writer: Agent Black

Mrs Hogsbum is back – worst luck.  She couldn’t wait for a flight so she hired a donkey all the way to Oldacre School.  Don’t know how it managed to swim the Channel!

Up early this morning and I’ve just played a great trick on my annoying little sister, Jessica. Mum’s going to call her for breakfast at any moment and I’ve swapped her boiled egg for rubber egg I got from the joke shop. It looks very realistic. She’s going to get so cross when she can’t break the shell.

Last Friday at computer (boring) club I clicked off the blog just as Mr Widget came up. Unfortunately he caught sight of a picture of Toby on the blog page so I had to pretend that I was researching Gargoyles of the World. Mr Widget said the picture looked nothing like a real gargoyle. He’d have a fit if he knew the truth – which he never will.

Anyway Toby overheard what Mr Widget said about him so he decided to play a trick on him.  He got Zack to pop invisible and go and borrow some green food colouring from the vicar’s kitchen. He put it in Mr Widget’s tea, so when Mr Widget drank it he went green all round his mouth. We went and told Mrs Hogsbum. She didn’t believe us until she came along and saw him. She told him he’d broken school rule number five hundred and thirty-two – teachers must not go green without permission. Computer club finished early – good result!

And then we told Bart all the jokes and he cheered up immediately so double good result.

Oh dear! Dad’s on the warpath. It turns out that Jessica hit the rubber egg so hard it bounced out, hit Dad’s spoon and splattered him with cornflakes and milk. For some reason they think it’s my fault. Got to go!

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks, jokes
Tags: Bart Gargoylz Max Mr Weedy Widget Pranks Toby Zack

9

School has been wonderful! Mrs Hogbum is stuck out in Mongolia because of the volcano that’s erupting in Iceland. She can’t fly back. Obviously she forgot to pack her broomstick when she went on holiday. Ha ha! The volcano will be in such trouble. It’s probably broken school rule number one million and five: volcanos must not erupt and stop head teachers getting back for the start of term.

Anyway, it’s 4 o’clock and we’re in the ICT room. The bell went half an hour ago. Unfortunately our mums signed us up for computer club with Mr Weedy Widget! They said it would make us behave sensibly after we got into trouble for making Lucinda shriek in English. Well it’s not our fault if she does that when she sees a skeleton.  Good old Rufus. He loomed up outside the classroom window right by her desk. It was awesome.

We tried to get out of computer club. Bart wanted us to go and play with all the gargoylz after school and he looked so sad when we said we couldn’t that we were determined not to let him down. When the bell rang I told Miss Bleet that I had the Mercury measles – like the Martian measles but with bigger spots – and Max said he was allergic to mice, especially wireless ones. Miss Bleet looked like she believed us but then Mrs Hogsbottom stalked past. She told us we were being outrageous and breaking School Rule number two hundred and seventeen – Boys must not pretend to have impossible diseases to get out of computer club.

So now we’re meant to be learning how to do research on the Internet but I’m secretly blogging instead. Max is looking up jokes and acting as superspy look out. He’s found some great jokes for Bart. That should cheer him up. Trouble is which one would work best? See what you think.

Q.  On which day do monsters eat people?
A.  Chewsday.

Q.  What is a sea monster’s favorite dish?
A.  Fish and ships.

Q. What’s big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has 16 wheels?
A.  A monster on roller-skates.

Let us know which one you like best.

Ow! Max just kicked me under the table. Here comes Mr Widget…

Categories: Gargoylz, jokes
Tags: Bart Ben computer club jokes Lucinda Max Miss Bleet Mr Weedy Widget Mrs Hogsbum Rufus volcano

9