We had model disaster – well almost!

By the time the gargoylz had finished helping us, our model of St Mark’s Church was blackened round the edges (Azzan), missing three windows (Neb poked his nose in) and had the top of the spire bitten off (Zack thought it was made of chocolate!)

Luckily it was big enough for Cyrus to hide in. We struggled into the classroom with it because Cyrus is very heavy. Miss Bleet told us we’d have to do it all again even though we told her it was what the church looked like just after the war when it had been bombed. Then we said that if everyone listened carefully they’d hear the choir singing inside. This was Cyrus’s cue. Ben and I just managed to get our fingers in our ears as Cyrus struck up with ‘All things bright and beautiful’ and everyone fell asleep. Ben and I went round hiding their pencils.

When they all woke up, the bell for playtime went and Miss Bleet found she’d written a very nice comment on our reports about our imaginative church – Toby had copied her writing when they were all asleep.

We’re a bit worried about next week. Our mums have said that we’re having a great outing and that it’s going to be educational!  That sounds bad!

It was awesome on Wednesday. Miss Bleet had been on holiday to Belgium and had come back with a recipe for Belgian Chocolate Cookies and she was going to get us all to make them. But then she told us the bad news. We were making them for the teachers! She had decided that it was ‘Be nice to a teacher day!’

We signalled to the gargoylz that we needed their help. When the cookies were nearly finished and the delicious smell was driving us mad, it suddenly changed to the most awful pong.  We all had to rush out into the playground and when we got back inside the cookies had vanished. Miss Bleet couldn’t work out what had happened because we’d all been with her. But we knew of course – there was no mistaking one of Barney’s bottom burps. The gargoylz were trying to get everyone out so that they could snatch the cookies. The bell rang for playtime and we were about to go over to the church wall to get our share when Miss Bleet said we had to stay in and make some more cookies for the teachers.  Disaster!

But the next lot of cookies were nearly done when suddenly the fire alarm went off and the whole school had to evacuate the building. And of course, when we got back inside, the new cookies had gone too. This time Azzan had breathed fire and set the alarm off.

We had a wonderful cookie feast after school although the gargoylz had managed to eat nearly all of them by the time we got there!

Anyway, Ben’s here with some stony friends so we’ve got a secret plan to make – get the ghastly wedding watchers out of the lounge!

When it was first playtime we got Theo to sneak a special homemade Valentine card on to her desk.  Mr Duster, the caretaker, nearly caught him but he turned into a kitten just in time and we didn’t see him for hours as Mr Duster scooped him up, gave him a cushion in his broom cupboard and found some tuna for him.  Toby tried to rescue him but Theo said he didn’t want to be rescued as he was enjoying himself. 

Anyway, we didn’t know that was all happening because Ben, Azzan, Ira and I were hiding under Mrs Hogsbum’s window waiting to see what would happen when she read her card.  Ira had written the verse and it said (in wobbly writing as he had to hold the pencil in his beak)…

Yo ho ho
And a bottle of ink
You’ve got a big nose
And you stink.

When Mrs Hogsbum came into her room and read the card she bellowed ‘Outrageous’ and the whole school heard it. Then she insisted on finding out who had written Ira’s card so she stormed round the school making everyone go into the hall and write out the poem so she could check our writing. Even the teachers! In the end she decided that Mr Widget who had sent it! Well, his writing was very wobbly with her breathing down his neck! She yelled ‘Outrageous’ another hundred and fifty times and told Mr Widget that he’d broken School Rule number 636 – Teachers must not send rude Valentine cards to the head teacher! She said he’d have to stay in at playtime!

It’s half term next week and Ben and I are going to Lasershoot.  Arabella and Jessica are going too so we’ve got to think up a really good trick so they won’t go there ever again.

Did you know there’s a contest called the World Conker Championship that takes place in October every year?  How cool is that!  Last Saturday we decided to hold our own competition with the gargoylz as there are lots of horse chestnut trees in the churchyard – and that’s where conkers come from.  It was a bit tricky trying to explain to the gargoylz that you have to put your conker on a string and whack someone else’s with it until one of them cracks. They had other ideas. We made a big pile of conkers first, but Toby and Azzan ran off with some of them and rolled them all along the church gutters and down the drainpipes. That made so much noise that the demon flower arrangers, Doris and Aggie, came out to see if the church was falling down! Luckily they didn’t spot us.

Then Zack decided to pop invisible and drop conkers down the vicar’s chimney. Out came the vicar. Luckily he didn’t spot us.

We’d just got all the conkers threaded when The Basher turned up. Unfortunately he did spot us. The gargoylz quickly hid behind the gravestones. The Basher was holding the biggest conker we’d ever seen. He said he was the Oldacre School Champion and challenged us to a conker fight and said if we didn’t fight he’d whack us over the head with his prize conker – The Killer. So we had to agree. Barry put his conker down and did his ‘warming up’ exercises. He looked really stupid wiggling his fingers in the air. Meanwhile Neb blended with the background and swapped the Basher’s conker for another big one. It was a mouldy one we’d found earlier. Barry didn’t notice. He picked it up, swung it round his head and gave Ben’s conker a massive whack before Ben was even ready. Barry’s conker burst and splattered him with mouldy bits.  It was awesome!  Barry ran off yelling that we’d cheated and we’d killed The Killer.

After that we had a great time with our Grand Gargoylz World Conker Championship – before Azzan got over excited and set fire to all the conkers!

Can’t wait for next weekend. We are going to a fantastic climbing course called ‘Be a Chimp’.

The Harvest Festival was nearly a disaster, thanks to the gargoylz!  When we told them about the food collection, they all rubbed their tummies and said it sounded like a nice feast.  We told them that the food was for the old people and they promised to leave it alone but when Max and I went to add our tins of spaghetti hoops to the pile we found that everything had been opened and scoffed.  We knew it was the gargoylz because there was a trail of custardy claw prints leading to the window.

And then we heard Mrs Hogsbottom coming.  (She was yelling at some infants and the sound was getting louder and louder.)  We quickly wiped away the prints and covered the mess with our new tins just as she came in.  She looked at us suspiciously and went on her way.  We knew we were in big trouble.  The moment she discovered the food had been eaten, she’d blame us because she’d seen us there.

We went to find the gargoylz and gave them a telling off.  They said they were very sorry but the food had looked so nice that they couldn’t resist. They told us they would sort it all out.

And they did!  Barney sneaked into the vicar’s kitchen and made muffins and cookies.  They were strange shapes and a bit burnt because Azzan helped him by breathing fire but he made loads and put them on pretty plates.  Then Abel and Eli carried all the food from the vicar’s larder into the school hall to replace the things that the gargoylz had eaten.  The next time Mrs Hogsbum checked on the display it was bursting with food and Max and I were safe.

We felt a bit sorry for the vicar because Miss Bleet recognised the plates and told him off for burning the cookies!

I can hear Arabella screeching from her bedroom.  I think she might have found the fake dog poo I put on her carpet.

And here we are, staying in a caravan right next to the beach.  It’s great.  We’ve got sand and huge waves – and some gargoyle friends of course. 

Yesterday we entered a sandcastle competition. Max and I made a superspy motor launch with shells for the missile launch buttons and seaweed for missiles – it made Arabella scream when we launched it at her.  The gargoylz all got together behind a rock and made a sand church which they decorated with sand models of themselves.  While we waited for the judges we had ice cream and Azzan got covered in it.  (He got overexcited and melted his with his flames.)

At that moment we saw the judges coming.  The other gargoylz hid but Azzan tripped!  He rolled over and the sand stuck to the ice cream on his stone.  He looked like a sand dragon.  He just had time to sit up with one paw in the air when the judges arrived.  And we won first prize for him!  The gargoylz were really cross until they realised what the prize was.  Free ice cream for the rest of the holiday.      

Bart has a holiday joke for Abel. 

Q. What do trees wear at the seaside?

A. Swimming trunks!

We go back to school next Wednesday, worse luck.  But we have a plan.  Every time we see Mrs Hogsbum we’re going to lean to one side and hold our noses!  We’ll never let her forget her holiday trip to Pisa.

The play was awesome!  There were witches and walking trees and ghosts.  And at the end, the baddie, who was called Macbeth, got his head cut off and someone held it up.  It looked really real and dripped with blood and the Basher burst out crying. We didn’t need Ira to make it rain at all but we forgot to tell him so the whole audience got soaked! 

Anyway, the gargoylz really liked it so they invited us to go and watch them put on their version of the play in the churchyard. It was called MacGargoyle. Zack was MacGargoyle and he kept disappearing so it was hard to follow what was going on. Rufus, Eli and Azzan were the walking trees but they only had two leaves and a dandelion between them. We tried not to laugh. MacGargoyle’s head was a balloon with a face drawn on it so when Toby lifted it up, the wind blew it away and it popped on the spire.

Bart has just nudged my elbow.  He wants me to tell you a joke he heard in a school recently.

Q. What do you call an exploding ape?

A. A ba-boom!

We’re off to an amusement park on Monday – hurrah!

Barney has insisted that I give you the recipe for Crackolates.  He says they’re drainpipingly delicious and should be eaten at least once a week.  So here it is.

Crispy Crackolates

Makes 12

Place 12 paper cake cases in muffin tray or on baking tray.

You will need a grown up to help you and -

• 50g butter
• 4 tablespoons golden syrup
• 100g good quality dark/plain chocolate
• 80g cornflakes

1. Put butter, syrup and chocolate in large saucepan.  Warning – syrup is very gloopy!
2. Melt it all very carefully over gentle heat until it’s mixed.
3. Remove from heat and stir the cornflakes in well.
4. Place spoonfuls of the mix in the paper cases. Leave to set in fridge.
5. Eat from the fridge as soon as you come in.  Store in fridge. Crackolates keep for a couple of days – but we bet you won’t have any left. We didn’t.

Azzan says you should eat them four times a week! Jelly says every day!

The gargoylz were very excited yesterday.  They’ve been visiting lots of schools and the children have sent photos of the gargoylz models and pictures they’ve made.  They were amazing.  Toby flew up and decorated the church ceiling with them which really scared the vicar who rushed out in the middle of his sermon shouting ‘monsters!’

We’ve got Sports day on Tuesday.  I bet the gargoylz will do something to make it fun.  Can’t wait to see what.

Max has a very interesting haircut at the moment.  Ira and Neb went with him to the hairdressers.  They had a great time playing hide and seek among the towels and curlers but just as the hairdresser was about to use the battery-powered clippers on Max, Ira got excited and made it rain – indoors!  The clippers fizzed and sparked and ran all round Max’s head.  He looks like a spiky tennis ball!

Max is at my house at this moment and we’re having a footie sleepover. More World Cup tonight so we’re going to watch it together in the lounge with the big TV. Barney, Azzan and Jelly are here too.  The others are going to watch the match on the vicar’s television. Not that the vicar has any idea.

Max and I had our own World Cup match at lunchtime yesterday. I scored the winning goal – thanks to Mrs Hogsbum! It was three-all and it was nearly the end of lunchtime. Mrs Hogsbum was just stomping across the playground to shout at some infants when I did a brilliant kick. The ball sailed in the air, bounced off her nose and zoomed straight into the goal. Mrs Hogsbum staggered about a bit and fell on her bottom in a flowerbed. Just then the bell went for afternoon school which meant I had won! I told Mrs H she’d scored the winning goal for me. I don’t know why she was so cross about it. She said I’d broken school rule 765 – boys must not use their head teacher to score winning goals.

We’ve got a special football feast of chocolate crackolates and cola to share with Barney, Azzan and Jelly. And best of all, Arabella’s banned from the lounge. She made a big fuss about it so the gargoylz have promised us they’ll play a trick on her.  And she deserves it. She said that football is silly!

This has been a great Easter holidays. We’ve done loads of tricks this week.  The best one was the prank we played on the Basher.

On Wednesday we went to see the gargoylz at the church. But just as we started a fantastic game of ‘had’ in the churchyard, the Basher loomed over his garden wall. He was the last person we wanted to see – the gargoylz only just hid in time. He said we had to tell him what we were doing and he climbed over the wall. 

Then I saw Azzan waving at me from behind a grave. Theo was with him and it gave me an idea. I nudged Ben to let him know we had a secret plan and then told Barry that we’d found a fire breathing cat. He scoffed of course and said he’d thump us for wasting his time.

I winked at Theo and he turned into a kitten and gave a sweet miaow. Azzan stayed hidden but just as the Basher bent down to peer at Theo, Azzan blasted a flame over Theo’s head.  Barry was so frightened he vaulted his wall and was inside his house shouting for his mum before you could say ‘dragon!’

 Of course Theo was convinced it was because he’d turned into a fierce tiger but it didn’t matter. The Basher didn’t disturb us again.

Back to school on Monday (boo!) but we’re going to play an awesome trick on super annoying Lucinda Tellingly (Yay!) We haven’t forgotten she was going to tell on us about the rainforest.