Shortbread biscuits

You will need…
125g butter (margarine’s not half as good.)
55g caster sugar
180g plain flour
A little bit of icing sugar for sprinkling

What you do…
1. Get your tame grownup to turn the oven to 190C/375F/Gas 5.
2. Beat the butter and sugar together in a bowl until it’s all mixed.
3. Sift the flour into the mixture and stir it all until you have a thick paste.
4. Sprinkle flour on your table or work space (this is to stop the mixture sticking to the table) and put your ball of paste on to it.
5. Roll it out until it’s about 1cm thick.
6. Now cut into rectangles (about 2cm wide and 8cm long.)
7. Put your rectangles on a baking tray (with baking paper underneath to stop them sticking.) Sprinkle with a little bit of icing sugar and put into the fridge for 20 mins.
8. Bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes until they are a pale golden-brown. Put them on a wire rack to cool and then eat them before the gargoylz get their paws on them! And don’t forget to feed one to your tame grownup.

Barney says they are especially delicious if you cover them with melted cooking chocolate. Let us know how you get on.

Max and I have got homework – and it’s going to take ages! We’ve got to make a model of the church. Well it will be lot more fun with some gargoyle help!

Then we heard ‘boyz!’ hissed through the letterbox and when we looked, Toby and Abel were peeping out of a bush in the front garden.  They sneaked in and Abel slipped into the lounge. The girls and our mums had just got really gooey about lovely wedding dresses – yuck – when Arabella screamed. She told them that the plant in the corner had winked at her. The others didn’t believe her but then Jessica said it was waving at her and showing its teeth. Max’s mum just turned up the volume but then my mum gave a shriek and said there was a twiggy monster in the pot. Max’s mum looked but Abel had ducked down out of sight.

The mums then came looking for us because they were sure that we’d played a trick on them.  Luckily Max and I had thought about this so we made sure we were helping his dad out in the garden. They had to agree it couldn’t have been us and that they’d all be much happier watching it back at my house so off they all went. Result! Max and I got to watch our film in his lounge in peace!  And his dad made us some popcorn. He was amazed how quickly we ate it but he didn’t realise that we had five hungry gargoylz hiding behind the couch. Once they’d heard how well the trick had gone, Barney, Neb and Theo had come to join Toby and Abel.  It was a bit of a squash.

So it was an awesome Royal Wedding day for us.

Now we’re just off to drop a wet sponge on Arabella’s head from the bedroom window.  She’s been complaining we smell because we don’t wash enough and she says she just loves washing all the time.  So we’re going to give her an extra rinse and see how she likes that.

It was awesome on Wednesday. Miss Bleet had been on holiday to Belgium and had come back with a recipe for Belgian Chocolate Cookies and she was going to get us all to make them. But then she told us the bad news. We were making them for the teachers! She had decided that it was ‘Be nice to a teacher day!’

We signalled to the gargoylz that we needed their help. When the cookies were nearly finished and the delicious smell was driving us mad, it suddenly changed to the most awful pong.  We all had to rush out into the playground and when we got back inside the cookies had vanished. Miss Bleet couldn’t work out what had happened because we’d all been with her. But we knew of course – there was no mistaking one of Barney’s bottom burps. The gargoylz were trying to get everyone out so that they could snatch the cookies. The bell rang for playtime and we were about to go over to the church wall to get our share when Miss Bleet said we had to stay in and make some more cookies for the teachers.  Disaster!

But the next lot of cookies were nearly done when suddenly the fire alarm went off and the whole school had to evacuate the building. And of course, when we got back inside, the new cookies had gone too. This time Azzan had breathed fire and set the alarm off.

We had a wonderful cookie feast after school although the gargoylz had managed to eat nearly all of them by the time we got there!

Anyway, Ben’s here with some stony friends so we’ve got a secret plan to make – get the ghastly wedding watchers out of the lounge!

We had great fun last Saturday. We met the gargoylz at the church. We had our paper and charcoal ready to do some brass rubbings in case any grownups came along. We thought we’d have the place to ourselves though as the vicar had gone to a vicar’s paintballing day and there was nothing up on the notice board – like weddings or christenings. We’d forgotten about Doris and Aggie, the demon flower arrangers. Luckily we heard their screeching voices before they saw us so the gargoylz were able to hide and Max and I began doing a rubbing of Sir Oswald Fitzgubbins. He was a knight with a big nose who died in 1456. Doris and Aggie are so old they probably babysat for him when he was young!

Anyway the demon flower arrangers came in with their arms full of daffodils, took one look at us and started moaning.  They said we were making the place untidy and we were putting them off. They needed all their artistic power to decorate the church. We were just about to complain that we were there first when I noticed Barney sitting on a beam above their heads.  We held our noses and just in time. He made a dreadful pong. Doris and Aggie gave a shriek, threw down their daffodils and ran.

Barney felt a bit mean so he put the flowers in the vases for them. Zack tried to help but he put them in all upside-down!

I’m going to Max’s house tomorrow. We’ve got plans to make a Spy-Boy base out of  giant cardboard boxes.

We weren’t going to let her get the better of us.  We thought we’d wait a few days until she’d forgotten all about it and then yesterday we played a wonderful trick.  Swotty Arabella had worked really hard on a project about barometers.  (They hang on the wall and tell you what the weather’s going to be like – boring!)   On our way to school, she went on and on about how it was the best project ever and she was the brainiest girl in the school and her teacher would be really pleased with her when she whipped it out of her bag.  Little did she know that we had a prank in store for her.

When we got to the playground, she put her bag down and started chatting with her horrible friends.  Barney was hiding in a nearby hedge and he made one of his best smells.  The girls all ran away coughing and spluttering, leaving their bags behind.  Quick as a flash, Toby grabbed the project and flew away with it.  Meanwhile Cyrus quickly shredded some paper with his claws and shoved that in her bag instead so it would look as if she’d torn her project into pieces.  Then we all went into our classes.

Soon there was a humungous shriek from Arabella down the corridor.  I jumped up and told Miss Bleet that my sister needed me.  Max and I dashed out of the door to where Toby was waiting for us with the project. We grabbed it and ran along to Arabella’s classroom.  We peered through the glass door at her.  She was having a tantrum, chucking shredded paper everywhere as she ransacked her bag looking for her project.  Her teacher looked cross.

I knocked at the door and asked in my sweetest voice if Arabella had lost anything.  Then I held up the project.  Arabella went purple and shrieked that I had stolen it.  It was great because her teacher got really cross then and told Arabella she should be grateful to have such a lovely brother. 

Max and I did the biggest high five ever outside! 

It’s Valentine’s day on Monday which is really yucky.  Wonder if we can play a special Valentine’s trick on someone?

The gargoylz said that as we had ten minutes before she opened her eyes, they could help us get everything ready and give her a big surprise. Well, she certainly got a big surprise! We put all the ingredients in a bowl and Neb jumped in and snorkelled round. He said he was mixing it all up but he squirted most of it round the room. By the time Max’s nan woke up there was egg on the ceiling, butter all over the bread bin and flour in the cooker. In the end she made the muffins and we ate them – at least, we ate as many as we could before the gargoylz got their stony paws on them!

This Saturday is going to be soooo boring. Max and I have to go and watch Jessica and Arabella take part in some sort of girly dance show. Hold on – maybe if the gargoylz come along it won’t be so bad…

Nan brought round some lovely cakes yesterday and that reminded me. We promised you all a scrumptious recipe and Barney chose this one – Muffins. He says it’s one of my nan’s best and it’s easy peasy. 

It looks like a lot of ingredients but the muffins are really easy to make. Get a grownup to help you.

Barney’s Favourite Muffins

You will need: 

• 250g self-raising flour
• 25g cocoa powder
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 175g caster sugar
• 175ml milk
• 2 large eggs, beaten
• 100ml sunflower oil
• 75g plain chocolate chunks (don’t eat them all before you start)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• Paper muffin cases
• A 12-hole muffin tray

1. Get your grownup to turn the oven on to 170ºC (375ºF, gas mark 5).
2. Put muffin cases into a 12-hole deep muffin tray.
3. Sift together the flour, cocoa and baking powder; stir in the sugar. Add everything else and mix it all lightly together.
4. Spoon the mixture into the cases. Bake them for about 20 minutes until they’re springy and not squidgy when your grownup gives them a poke. Cool for 10 minutes; then put on a wire rack and leave until cool.

Eat up as soon as they are cool!!!

Nan’s going to let us help her make some when Ben and I go round there on Sunday. The gargoylz are going to join in – when Nan’s not looking, of course.

We felt really stupid at the party in our hats. I had one of Max’s football socks dangling in my face and he had toilet paper over one eye. We wanted to take our hats off but Mrs Hogsbum said we’d be breaking school rule number 961 – boys must not take party hats off at Christmas parties. And then it was brilliant because we won the prize for the funniest hats!

Then Abel played the most awesome Christmas trick on Mrs Hogsbum. He waited until she was making her rounds of the school at lunchtime and transformed into a Christmas tree, complete with baubles and tinsel. He took up the whole corridor. We were just coming along and saw Mrs Hogsbum going red in the face with steam blowing out of her ears. Unfortunately she spotted us and thought we’d done it. She told us we’d broken school rule number 962 – boys must not block the corridor with Christmas trees. The moment she’d gone, Abel turned back into his normal self, scampered round to overtake her and turned into a tree again. She couldn’t understand how the tree kept moving and in the end she thought she must be going mad and went home. Result!

Now we’ve got two whole weeks off for Christmas!

We’re going to start rehearsing for our class Christmas play. It’s called ‘A Christmas Carol’. It’s an awesome story. This mean old man called Scrooge gets visited by four ghosts and it makes him nicer.  The ghosts are brilliant.  I want to be the ghost of Christmas present.  I thought I’d be dressing up as a ghostly parcel till Miss Bleat told me that ‘Christmas present’ didn’t mean a present that you give at Christmas. It means the ghost of this Christmas. Why do grownups have such funny ways of saying things? Anyway, the ghost of Christmas present gets to say lots and I’ve been practising like mad so that I get chosen. But as usual I’m having trouble remembering the words. Still Max and the gargoylz said they’d help.  The gargoylz haven’t been that helpful so far. I popped into the churchyard after school for a rehearsal. But they had their fingers in their ears when I was trying the lines and Barney even said my acting was giving him a tummy ache. Then he got very anxious that he’d upset me and did an accidental bottom burp. The dreadful stink went everywhere. That was enough for Max and me. We ran home. If this goes on, I don’t think I’m going to get any part at all in the play.

It’s the Christmas fair tomorrow. The gargoylz weren’t too sure about coming into school on a Saturday until they heard there’d be a cake stall.  I wonder what tricks they’ll get up to…

The Harvest Festival was nearly a disaster, thanks to the gargoylz!  When we told them about the food collection, they all rubbed their tummies and said it sounded like a nice feast.  We told them that the food was for the old people and they promised to leave it alone but when Max and I went to add our tins of spaghetti hoops to the pile we found that everything had been opened and scoffed.  We knew it was the gargoylz because there was a trail of custardy claw prints leading to the window.

And then we heard Mrs Hogsbottom coming.  (She was yelling at some infants and the sound was getting louder and louder.)  We quickly wiped away the prints and covered the mess with our new tins just as she came in.  She looked at us suspiciously and went on her way.  We knew we were in big trouble.  The moment she discovered the food had been eaten, she’d blame us because she’d seen us there.

We went to find the gargoylz and gave them a telling off.  They said they were very sorry but the food had looked so nice that they couldn’t resist. They told us they would sort it all out.

And they did!  Barney sneaked into the vicar’s kitchen and made muffins and cookies.  They were strange shapes and a bit burnt because Azzan helped him by breathing fire but he made loads and put them on pretty plates.  Then Abel and Eli carried all the food from the vicar’s larder into the school hall to replace the things that the gargoylz had eaten.  The next time Mrs Hogsbum checked on the display it was bursting with food and Max and I were safe.

We felt a bit sorry for the vicar because Miss Bleet recognised the plates and told him off for burning the cookies!

I can hear Arabella screeching from her bedroom.  I think she might have found the fake dog poo I put on her carpet.