Yesterday was the film that Mrs Hogsbum had promised us. We were so excited when we all trooped into the hall. Mr Widget had the DVD machine all set up and there was a big screen at the front. We weren’t going to miss a thing. Mrs Hogsbottom had gone on and on in assembly about how we were going to enjoy the film and anyone who didn’t would be breaking school rule no. 568 – Children must enjoy the exciting film that the head teacher is showing them – so Max and I were sure it was Spy-Boy and the Sharkmen from Jupiter. We were so sure that we’d invited the gargoylz to join us.
But when it started we realised that the film was all about fluffy animals who lived in a riverbank and went about in silly boats. It was so old that it was in black and white! And the animals were the worst actors in the history of worst actors! No wonder Mrs Hogsbottom didn’t stay to watch it.
And even worse, Mr Widget had told us that it lasted for two hours. Then I felt a stony paw tap me on the knee. It was Neb. He’d blended in with the wooden floor and come to find out why we’d invited all the gargoylz to see such a boring film.
I explained the mix up and he scampered away, telling me not to worry.
Max and I were just wondering if the clock had stopped when suddenly the picture on the screen flickered and Spy-Boy appeared. The gargoylz had secretly changed the DVDs and they had found Spy-Boy and the Sharkmen from Jupiter from somewhere. Everyone cheered. Mrs Hogsbottom poked her nose round the door and looked really happy because she thought we were cheering at the river animals. Luckily she didn’t turn to see what was on the screen which makes me even more sure that she couldn’t bear to watch the fluffy rats and was torturing us.
Anyway Spy-Boy and the Sharkmen from Jupiter was awesome. We were amazed that the gargoylz had managed to find a copy but it turned out that Toby had noticed it on the vicar’s TV table and had sneaked in to pinch it.
We’re off to give the gargoylz some cookies as a thank you.
Next week it’s the last week of term. We have six lovely long weeks of holiday to come. But before that, Miss Bleet wants our year to have an end of term concert and we’ve all got to do something. Max and I have got to get our thinking caps on. I’m sure the gargoylz will help out.

Categories: Gargoylz, News
Tags: Bart Ben Lucinda Max

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When we got to school on Wednesday the classroom was covered in bits of wool, shiny beads, paper petals, tissue paper and all sorts of smelly girly things. Miss Bleet announced that today was THE BIG DAY – her alternative sports day. Ben and I complained that we should do proper sports as it was good exercise but Miss Bleet said this would be just as good exercise – but for our fingers and brains instead. Groan!
First she said we had to find a partner. Well that was easy. Then she told me and Ben that we’d better behave as she hadn’t forgotten our T-rex model that we made out of Mr Bucket’s best mop, two dictionaries and the class rubbish bin.
We had some really stupid things to do. We had to see who could make the most beautiful paper flower for our mums. It was so boring and we ended up glued together with tissue paper in our ears. Then we had to see who could make the quickest pair of recycled socks. Ben’s were brilliant. He shoved his feet into a couple of cereal boxes and shouted “I’ve won!” but Miss Bleet said it didn’t count as he kept falling over.
Then she gave out some bits of old card and said we had to see who could decorate the most bookmarks in half an hour. Well the girls all got to work with tiny sequins and made nasty flower patterns. Ben and I were just sitting wondering how we could get out of there when we saw a pile of dirty old leaves under the table and Zack’s head poking out from the middle. Bart and Neb were with him. “You need help!” he said. “Got these from the church gutter.” We slapped glue on the bookmarks and stuck the leaves all over them and the gargoylz helped us from under the table. Well, Miss Bleet didn’t say we had to use the things IN the classroom and she definitely didn’t say that gargoylz were not allowed to help. When the half hour was up we’d done the most bookmarks! Miss Bleet wasn’t too pleased about the dirt all over the floor but she couldn’t say anything. Lucinda and Poppy and Tiffany all starting wailing and complaining, but then a line of spiders appeared in the leaves on Ben’s bookmark and marched towards them. Well done Bart! They forgot about complaining – they were so busy running out of the classroom.

We’re having a film next week in school. Ben and I can’t wait. We’re hoping it’s the new Spy-Boy film – Spy-Boy and the Sharkmen from Jupiter.

Categories: News
Tags: Bart Ben Gargoylz Lucinda Max Miss Bleet Mr Bucket Poppy spiders Spy-boy Tiffany

3

We made an awesome base by sticking loads of big boxes together.

We had a tunnel and a secret lab and a launch pad for our superspy rocket. But then Jessica came along. She wanted to play but she didn’t want to play Spy-boy. We didn’t want to play Spy-boy with her either but instead she wanted our base to be a princess castle! Ben and I were nearly sick.

Luckily Bart, Jelly and Neb had come to play with us. So Jelly melted down into a squidgy blob all over her shoes, Neb blended in with the cardboard and tripped Jessica up and Bart burped some spiders down her neck.  Jessica ran away screaming and so the secret base became a princess-free zone again.

Bart wanted us to tell you his best joke for this time of year but he likes two and couldn’t decide which one.  What do you think?

Q. What season is it when you’re on a trampoline?…

A. Spring-time!

Q. Can February March?…

A. No but April May!

Ben and I have to make a model of a king for history homework so we’re going to plan it out this weekend. We’ve chosen King Henry the eighth and I’ve had an awesome idea about how to do it that will be a trick as well.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks, jokes
Tags: Bart Ben Gargoylz Jelly Jessica jokes Max Neb Pranks spiders

29

We had the best time ever at Lasershoot!

It was set up like a deserted castle and we all had laser guns in the shape of old fashioned swords.  Max and I were in a team together and we sped off to get away from the girls.  Our aim was to make it all the way from the drawbridge to the battlements without being blasted.  And we had to shoot the enemy teams and collect pretend gold coins on the way. The girls were on a different team and they were such sissies that they made our mums go with them! It was easy to know where they were because they kept screaming really girly shrieks just because it was dark.

We had an awesome time, blasting at monsters and collecting treasure.  But then something really scary happened.   We were creeping round the dark tunnels trying to find the last gold coin when we saw one whizzing along the ground ahead of us.  Every time we got near to it, it whizzed off again.  Then we realised it was being pulled along by a snake.  We thought we had it trapped in an old barrel but when we tipped it up we got covered in spiders! Yuck! It was only when the spiders vanished and we heard some growly chuckles that we realised the gargoylz were there! Eli and Bart had sneaked along for the fun! Eli was the snake of course and Bart had burped up the spiders.  Eli had found the last gold coin and we were able to get our prize – a slap up tea in the cafe.

As we were on our way there, we suddenly remembered that we were going to play a trick on the girls. But before we could think one up we heard a bloodcurdling shriek coming from a dark passageway and Jessica and Arabella came dashing out yelling that a haunted suit of armour was after them! We knew it must be one of the gargoylz.  The girls rushed off into the car park shrieking that they would never go to Lasershoot ever, ever again in their lives. RESULT!  When they’d gone, we saw Rufus – as a skeleton – waving one of his bony arms out of the suit of armour.

When we got our tea we made sure that all three gargoylz got plenty of cookies and doughnuts smuggled to them under the table.  Anyway Lasershoot was cool!

Bart wants me to tell you his favourite joke about Eli.

Q. What is a snake’s favourite food? 

A. Hiss Fingers!

And now Toby wants me to tell you something.  Oh yes!  The gargoylz are part of the World Book Day book.  I don’t think you’d need to be told.  Doesn’t everyone know that?  Anyway he’s insisting so I’m telling you!  And he says I must tell you to look out for the gargoylz next week as they’re going to visit lots of schools all around World Book Day. So if you live in Essex, Kent, Hertfordshire or Sussex you might see a stony paw or tail whizzing out of sight.  But remember, keep it a secret!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Arabella Bart Ben Eli Gargoylz Jessica Max Rufus Toby World Book Day

3

Bart insisted that we give you his Christmas present a bit early so here it is… a bunch of Christmas jokes!

What is a child’s favourite king at Christmas?  

A stocking!

What did the cow say on 25^th December?

Mooey Christmas!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis!

How did Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep and crisp and even!

What goes oh, oh, oh?

Santa walking backwards!

What did Rudolph want for Christmas?

A sleigh-station!

What’s warm and delicious and sneaks round the kitchen?

Mince spies!

And talking of mince pies, Ben and I are off to see the gargoylz with a whole tin of them.  We’re going to have a Christmas Feast.  So here’s the last joke.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Mary.

Mary who?

Mary Christmas Everyone!

Categories: Gargoylz, jokes
Tags: Bart Christmas jokes

13

The trick on Arabella worked spectacularly well!  She followed Theo round to our pile of leaves, cooing at him all the time and then we burst out – with ear-splitting screeches.  She was so scared she fell over backwards and got her bottom wedged in the washing basket.  She scuttled about the garden like a tortoise until her mum freed her.

We’ve had a great half term.  We went to an activity swim at the leisure centre on Tuesday with lots of floats and inflatables.  But mostly we’ve been getting ready for Halloween on Sunday.  And there’s lots to plan.  I’m having a Halloween party and everyone has to dress up in a scary way.  Ben’s coming of course and some other friends from our class – or should I say, fiends from our class.

The gargoylz have been helping and we’ve promised them their own party when everyone else has gone home.  We’ve been making paper ghosts and shiny skeletons to decorate my bedroom.  I left a skeleton on Jessica’s pillow and waited for her screams.  But Mum found it first.  She screamed really loudly so the trick worked in a way.  Bart’s going to burp up lots of spiders for us so my bedroom will be Scary! Scary!! Scary!!!  That will keep Jessica out.

Bart was wondering if anyone has some Halloween jokes for him.  Ben has one.

Q.  Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?

A.  Because he had no body to go with!

Bart likes that one and so does Rufus!

Abel’s joke is -

Q. Why do witches wear name badges?

A. So you can tell which witch is which! 

Don’t forget to post your Halloween jokes too.

Right, we’re off to the kitchen to practise making witch’s guts and eyeballs. We’re going to use spaghetti and lots of gungy tomato sauce that looks like blood, with mozzarella cheese balls on top. Yummy and yucky!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Arabella Bart Ben Halloween Jessica Max party Pranks Theo tricks

6

Unfortunately Ben wasn’t fast enough hiding from Arabella and her five zillion and three photos of the dolls’ museum even though he hid on the top shelf of the airing cupboard.

Anyway he soon recovered when I told him we were going to spend the whole of the next day in my garden right away from his annoying sister.

However, I’d forgotten that my annoying sister would be around.  When we got outside, ready for a game of superspies, Jessica had taken over the whole lawn with a yucky teddy bears’ picnic and told us to go away and play indoors. 

We were about to spray her with water from the hose when Mum saw us and made us sweep the patio – and she said she was going to keep an eye on us.

We were just thinking that this wasn’t going to be a fun day after all when a pair of stony ears popped up from a pot plant.  It was Zack, and Neb was with him.  We pretended to be polishing the pot and bent down to tell them all about Jesscia taking over the garden.  Zack and Neb grinned at each other so we knew they were going to do something cool.  Zack disappeared and Neb blended with the patio stones.

When Jessica went inside to get more juice, her teddy bears began moving about.  She couldn’t believe her eyes when she came back to see Grumblytum on his head, Sleepytime Ted up a tree and Mr Fuzzyfur with his head through a hole in the fence and the others were all in a heap on the shed roof.  And half the picnic had been eaten.  She let out an ear-splitting scream and told Mum that we’d done it!  Of course Mum knew it wasn’t us as she’d been watching us making a beautiful job of the patio.  Jessica was so cross she started taking her bears inside.  We helped which made her even crosser and then we had a great game of superspies.   It’s extra good when you’ve got two vanishing gargoylz!

Bart has read a teddy bear joke in a book.

Q. What do you get if you cross a skunk with a teddy bear?
A. Winnie the Pooh!

Oh dear he’s just made one up one of his own.

Q. What do you get if you cross a bottom burping gargoyle with a teddy bear?

A. Barney the Pooh!

I’ve thought of another trick I can play on Jessica.  Going off to get tin foil and a plunger!

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Arabella Bart Ben Jessica jokes Max Neb Pranks tricks Zack

5

Last day of school! Hurray!

The play was awesome!  There were witches and walking trees and ghosts.  And at the end, the baddie, who was called Macbeth, got his head cut off and someone held it up.  It looked really real and dripped with blood and the Basher burst out crying. We didn’t need Ira to make it rain at all but we forgot to tell him so the whole audience got soaked! 

Anyway, the gargoylz really liked it so they invited us to go and watch them put on their version of the play in the churchyard. It was called MacGargoyle. Zack was MacGargoyle and he kept disappearing so it was hard to follow what was going on. Rufus, Eli and Azzan were the walking trees but they only had two leaves and a dandelion between them. We tried not to laugh. MacGargoyle’s head was a balloon with a face drawn on it so when Toby lifted it up, the wind blew it away and it popped on the spire.

Bart has just nudged my elbow.  He wants me to tell you a joke he heard in a school recently.

Q. What do you call an exploding ape?

A. A ba-boom!

We’re off to an amusement park on Monday – hurrah!

Categories: Gargoylz, jokes
Tags: Azzan Barry the Basher Bart Eli Gargoylz Ira jokes Rufus Shakespeare Toby Zack

5

Posted by Max Black

Bart’s spiders in the sleeping bags trick was great! Bart burped his spiders and then we all hid nearby and listened. As soon as Arabella and Jessica got into bed they gave a shriek and flapped about so much that the tent collapsed on top of them!

On the way home we stopped for a picnic by a church. When we got the food out half of it had gone and everyone thought Ben and I had eaten it. We said it wasn’t us (which was true), it must have been rats (which wasn’t true but it made Jessica squeal). We knew who’d been at the picnic hamper really – the gargoylz.

 Then we lost Bart and our parents were telling us to hurry up and get in the car. We couldn’t go without him and we guessed that he must be in the old church.  So we told our mums and dads we had to have a quick look around the church.  We said it was for a school project. (That always shuts parents up.)

Time for secret plan – Find Bart.  We took all the gargoylz with us and started searching inside. Then we heard gargoyly chuckling coming from the font. And there was Bart having a bath.  But before we could get him the door at the back opened and the vicar came in! Bart just managed to climb on to the end of a nearby pew and freeze like a statue. We quickly pretended to be admiring him. The vicar was really surprised to see Bart there. He said he didn’t remember an ugly statue like that being in the church yesterday, especially a wet one. Toby whispered from the rafters that it wouldn’t be there tomorrow either and we had to make sure we didn’t giggle till the vicar had gone. Zack wanted to pop invisible and trick the vicar by ringing the church bells but then Arabella shouted that we were going so we had to rush back to the cars and make sure all the gargoylz got in the boot.

We’re looking forward to tonight. Straight after school we’re going to watch the first match of the World Cup!  South Africa v Mexico.  We expect all our readers will be watching too. And tomorrow it’s England’s first match – Goaltastic!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks, world cup
Tags: Arabella Bart Ben football Jessica Max Toby vicar world cup

0

Posted by Ben from Sunnybrook Campsite.

It’s raining this afternoon so we’ve come to an Internet café to catch up with our blog. Our mums and dads are writing postcards and Arabella is teaching Jessica how to make friendship bracelets. (Yuck!)

We’re having a great holiday. This campsite is awesome. There’s an adventure playground and a swimming pool. But best of all, Max and I are sharing a tent.

It’s a bit crowded as the gargoylz have all come with us and they insist on getting in our sleeping bags at night. Gargoylz don’t get cold but Rufus explained that they want to do the whole camping thing properly.

Toby’s just popped up from under the table. He’s reminded me to tell you about the fantastic trick we played on our pesky sisters.

We told them that there was a haunted toilet on the campsite. Of course they didn’t believe us so we dared them to go and look. Neb was already in there, using his special power to blend in with the background. As soon as the girls came along he made ghostly noises, flapped the lid up and down and flushed the chain. They screamed so loudly we had to put our fingers in our ears!

Something completely amazing is happening next Friday.  The World Cup is starting!  Poor old Bart thought that the World Cup must be an enormous cup of tea and we had to explain that it was in fact the best football competition in the history of best football competitions. 

Anyway, it looks like the rain’s stopping so we’re off to have a match in the mud. Off home tomorrow – worst luck, but tonight Bart’s going to burp spiders into the girls’ sleeping bags! Awesome!

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Arabella Bart camping Jessica Neb Toby world cup

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