What is a child’s favourite king at Christmas?  

A stocking!

What did the cow say on 25^th December?

Mooey Christmas!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis!

How did Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep and crisp and even!

What goes oh, oh, oh?

Santa walking backwards!

What did Rudolph want for Christmas?

A sleigh-station!

What’s warm and delicious and sneaks round the kitchen?

Mince spies!

And talking of mince pies, Ben and I are off to see the gargoylz with a whole tin of them.  We’re going to have a Christmas Feast.  So here’s the last joke.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Mary.

Mary who?

Mary Christmas Everyone!

We felt really stupid at the party in our hats. I had one of Max’s football socks dangling in my face and he had toilet paper over one eye. We wanted to take our hats off but Mrs Hogsbum said we’d be breaking school rule number 961 – boys must not take party hats off at Christmas parties. And then it was brilliant because we won the prize for the funniest hats!

Then Abel played the most awesome Christmas trick on Mrs Hogsbum. He waited until she was making her rounds of the school at lunchtime and transformed into a Christmas tree, complete with baubles and tinsel. He took up the whole corridor. We were just coming along and saw Mrs Hogsbum going red in the face with steam blowing out of her ears. Unfortunately she spotted us and thought we’d done it. She told us we’d broken school rule number 962 – boys must not block the corridor with Christmas trees. The moment she’d gone, Abel turned back into his normal self, scampered round to overtake her and turned into a tree again. She couldn’t understand how the tree kept moving and in the end she thought she must be going mad and went home. Result!

Now we’ve got two whole weeks off for Christmas!

Mrs Hogsbottom thought it was me and told me I’d broken School Rule number 357 – Boys must not shout at Father Christmas! Poor Zack was very disappointed that Santa didn’t seem to recognise his voice. He cheered up when Ben and I told him it wasn’t the real Santa because we’d seen Mr Duster’s wellies under the red trousers – and Santa is far too busy to come to a school fair at this time of year.   

Anyway, the school play was yesterday and Ben was in it after all! And he played the main part – Scrooge. Luckily for him, Gavin, who was supposed to play Scrooge has chickenpox and Duncan, his understudy, came out in spots just before the curtain went up. Anyway, Miss Bleet had to ask Ben to do it instead. As he didn’t have time to learn his lines (and he couldn’t have done no matter how long he had!) he was allowed to use his script. He was very nervous but the gargoylz helped. When the ghosts visited Scrooge they sat above the stage and made wonderful wailing sounds and rattled chains and boxes of pasta.  We weren’t sure why they used pasta until Eli explained that they just liked the noise.

Signing off now. Tomorrow we’ve got to make hats for our school Christmas party next week. There’s a prize for the best one. We’ve promised the gargoylz that they can help. We’re not sure that was a good idea.

I had the most AWESOME Christmas ever. The best bit was the look on my sister Jessica’s face when she saw my giant plastic spider on top of the Christmas tree. I skateboarded straight round to Ben’s house to tell him how loudly she’d screamed. When I got there I skidded on the snow and landed on top of the snowman he’d made in his front garden. It got squashed flat so we called for the gargoylz and Toby, Barney and Azzan came and helped us make another one.

It took a long time because Azzan kept breathing fire and melting it. In the end Toby sat on him and he wasn’t very happy. Then Ben’s mum poked her head out of the window and the gargoylz had to hide in the wheelie bin. She asked us to sweep the snow off the front path and she said if we did it straight away we could have some chocolate chip cookies that she’d just baked. Then she said our snowman looked a bit odd. I suppose she’d never seen one with a dragon’s tail and wings before.

As soon as she’d gone we asked Azzan to breathe all over the path. He cheered up straight away and melted the snow at super speed. Ben’s mum couldn’t believe it! We got extra cookies – and shared them with the gargoylz, of course.

Must stop now. Ben and I are going to put the Christmas spider in Jessica’s knicker drawer. We’ll let you know what happens next week!