Gargoylz Blog » Eli
29
Jul

Posted by Ben

School holidays are awesome!

Today Max and I made a wonderful marble run at the bottom of my garden. It’s muddy down there so we built a mud mountain and then made twisting tracks all the way down. At the bottom we dug a tunnel that went along under the compost heap and came up on the lawn the other side. It was fantastic. Our marbles got such a run up down the mountain that they shot through the tunnel and sped on to the grass. My favourite marble – The Blue Wonder was the best. It went the furthest every time. Its record run was getting as far as the apple tree and that’s a long way across the grass!
We were just setting up for a double run which is two marbles racing each other when there was a loud Boo! I was so frightened I jumped and sat in the mud and Max dropped all his marbles.
Guess who it was! Yes, the gargoylz had come to see us and of course they had to play a trick on us. It was Eli, Theo and Abel. They were really impressed with our marble mountain and joined in the fun.
Then disaster! We heard a horrible moany voice and Arabella appeared. The gargoylz had to hide quickly. Eli turned into a snake and slithered under the compost, Theo turned into a kitten and Abel became a tree. When Arabella saw what we were doing she wanted to join in. I said no, but then she started yelling for Mum and Mum said we had to let her play.
Arabella only wanted to play to annoy us. Normally she says she’s too grown up for that sort of thing. Anyway she started bossing us about straight away. It really ruined the game especially when she demanded that she should have The Blue Wonder as she is the oldest. So I told her she couldn’t have it as it was mine. She stamped her foot and shouted and then told us that she didn’t want to play anyway and that we’d be sorry. She bent down by the tunnel to tie up her shoe and then she stalked off to the house.
Max and I cheered and the gargoylz came out of hiding. But when I sent the Blue Wonder down for its next run it didn’t come out of the tunnel. We tried to peer inside but we couldn’t see it. I was really upset. My favourite, record-breaking marble was stuck.
Lucky for me that I have a friend who can make himself tunnel-shaped. Eli turned back into a snake and shot down the tunnel to see what the problem was. He was soon out the other side with the Blue Wonder. And now we could see what had happened. There was a big lump of sticky chewing gum on my marble. Arabella must have poked the chewing gum down the tunnel with a stick when she tied up her shoe. She must have known that the next marble would run into it and then get stuck in the tunnel and that would be the end of our game.
So it’s time to plan a super trick to get Arabella back!


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We had the best time ever at Lasershoot!

It was set up like a deserted castle and we all had laser guns in the shape of old fashioned swordsMax and I were in a team together and we sped off to get away from the girls.  Our aim was to make it all the way from the drawbridge to the battlements without being blasted.  And we had to shoot the enemy teams and collect pretend gold coins on the way. The girls were on a different team and they were such sissies that they made our mums go with them! It was easy to know where they were because they kept screaming really girly shrieks just because it was dark.

We had an awesome time, blasting at monsters and collecting treasure.  But then something really scary happened.   We were creeping round the dark tunnels trying to find the last gold coin when we saw one whizzing along the ground ahead of us.  Every time we got near to it, it whizzed off again.  Then we realised it was being pulled along by a snake.  We thought we had it trapped in an old barrel but when we tipped it up we got covered in spiders! Yuck! It was only when the spiders vanished and we heard some growly chuckles that we realised the gargoylz were there! Eli and Bart had sneaked along for the fun! Eli was the snake of course and Bart had burped up the spiders.  Eli had found the last gold coin and we were able to get our prize – a slap up tea in the cafe.

As we were on our way there, we suddenly remembered that we were going to play a trick on the girls. But before we could think one up we heard a bloodcurdling shriek coming from a dark passageway and Jessica and Arabella came dashing out yelling that a haunted suit of armour was after them! We knew it must be one of the gargoylz.  The girls rushed off into the car park shrieking that they would never go to Lasershoot ever, ever again in their lives. RESULT!  When they’d gone, we saw Rufus – as a skeleton – waving one of his bony arms out of the suit of armour.

When we got our tea we made sure that all three gargoylz got plenty of cookies and doughnuts smuggled to them under the table.  Anyway Lasershoot was cool!

Bart wants me to tell you his favourite joke about Eli.

Q. What is a snake’s favourite food? 

A. Hiss Fingers!

And now Toby wants me to tell you something.  Oh yes!  The gargoylz are part of the World Book Day book.  I don’t think you’d need to be told.  Doesn’t everyone know that?  Anyway he’s insisting so I’m telling you!  And he says I must tell you to look out for the gargoylz next week as they’re going to visit lots of schools all around World Book Day. So if you live in Essex, Kent, Hertfordshire or Sussex you might see a stony paw or tail whizzing out of sight.  But remember, keep it a secret!




The Christmas fair was awesome.  There were some cool stalls in the hall – Cracker Tug-of-war, Pudding Rolling and Splat the Christmas Rat.  And of course, the cake stall.  The gargoylz were all hiding under it when Ben and I arrived and Miss Bleet, who was running it, looked very upset as the supplies kept disappearing. We had to buy a whole lot of goodies and lure the gargoylz away in case they got spotted. Then Zack saw Father Christmas and shouted – ‘Hello Santa, how’s Ruben?’

Mrs Hogsbottom thought it was me and told me I’d broken School Rule number 357 – Boys must not shout at Father Christmas! Poor Zack was very disappointed that Santa didn’t seem to recognise his voice. He cheered up when Ben and I told him it wasn’t the real Santa because we’d seen Mr Duster’s wellies under the red trousers – and Santa is far too busy to come to a school fair at this time of year.   

Anyway, the school play was yesterday and Ben was in it after all! And he played the main part – Scrooge. Luckily for him, Gavin, who was supposed to play Scrooge has chickenpox and Duncan, his understudy, came out in spots just before the curtain went up. Anyway, Miss Bleet had to ask Ben to do it instead. As he didn’t have time to learn his lines (and he couldn’t have done no matter how long he had!) he was allowed to use his script. He was very nervous but the gargoylz helped. When the ghosts visited Scrooge they sat above the stage and made wonderful wailing sounds and rattled chains and boxes of pasta.  We weren’t sure why they used pasta until Eli explained that they just liked the noise.

Signing off now. Tomorrow we’ve got to make hats for our school Christmas party next week. There’s a prize for the best one. We’ve promised the gargoylz that they can help. We’re not sure that was a good idea.



26
Nov

Posted by Max

Nan’s cakes were the best cakes in the history of best cakes. The only trouble was, she didn’t make enough of them. Well, she wasn’t to know that ten of our gargoyle friends would sneak along to her house with us and try to eat the lot. Ben and I only got three each because every time she went out of the room to get us more drinks the gargoylz popped in and snatched more.

We went back to my house afterwards. It was quite misty and the gargoylz ran along the pavement with us and no one could see them properly. One man thought we were walking a load of dogs when he saw all the little shapes scuttling along with us in the mist. Then he spotted Toby flying overhead. We told him we were walking the parrot too.

When we got home, Jessica came running out shrieking that everywhere was ‘mystery’. We knew she meant misty, but it gave us an idea for a trick. (She’s been really horrible as she wasn’t allowed to go to Nan’s with us.) We said we’d go out into the back garden with her and investigate the mystery. Then Max got the gargoylz to hide all round the flowerbeds and in the trees. Jessica followed us outside and yelped.  She said there was an ugly thing waving its nose at her from a bush. We had a look. It was Neb, of course, but we told Jessica it was just a twig. Then she said she could see a nasty-looking monster with long hair sitting on the roof. That was Eli, wiggling his snakes. Then the branch of a big tree bent over and tapped Jessica on the back. She nearly deafened us yelling that the tree was alive and coming to get her. We knew it was Abel in his tree form.

Mum told us not to tease Jessica and wouldn’t listen when we said it wasn’t us. Anyway, tomorrow we’ve got to bake some cakes for Jessica. Not fair.  I wonder what we can put in them so she won’t be too keen on eating them. Hmmmm…




Miss Bleet nearly saw our blog last week.  Just in time, Max fell off his chair and pretended he’d broken his nose so she forgot all about the tea cosies – whatever they are.

The Harvest Festival was nearly a disaster, thanks to the gargoylz!  When we told them about the food collection, they all rubbed their tummies and said it sounded like a nice feast.  We told them that the food was for the old people and they promised to leave it alone but when Max and I went to add our tins of spaghetti hoops to the pile we found that everything had been opened and scoffed.  We knew it was the gargoylz because there was a trail of custardy claw prints leading to the window.

And then we heard Mrs Hogsbottom coming.  (She was yelling at some infants and the sound was getting louder and louder.)  We quickly wiped away the prints and covered the mess with our new tins just as she came in.  She looked at us suspiciously and went on her way.  We knew we were in big trouble.  The moment she discovered the food had been eaten, she’d blame us because she’d seen us there.

We went to find the gargoylz and gave them a telling off.  They said they were very sorry but the food had looked so nice that they couldn’t resist. They told us they would sort it all out.

And they did!  Barney sneaked into the vicar’s kitchen and made muffins and cookies.  They were strange shapes and a bit burnt because Azzan helped him by breathing fire but he made loads and put them on pretty plates.  Then Abel and Eli carried all the food from the vicar’s larder into the school hall to replace the things that the gargoylz had eaten.  The next time Mrs Hogsbum checked on the display it was bursting with food and Max and I were safe.

We felt a bit sorry for the vicar because Miss Bleet recognised the plates and told him off for burning the cookies!

I can hear Arabella screeching from her bedroom.  I think she might have found the fake dog poo I put on her carpet.




Last day of school! Hurray!

The play was awesome!  There were witches and walking trees and ghosts.  And at the end, the baddie, who was called Macbeth, got his head cut off and someone held it up.  It looked really real and dripped with blood and the Basher burst out crying. We didn’t need Ira to make it rain at all but we forgot to tell him so the whole audience got soaked! 

Anyway, the gargoylz really liked it so they invited us to go and watch them put on their version of the play in the churchyard. It was called MacGargoyle. Zack was MacGargoyle and he kept disappearing so it was hard to follow what was going on. Rufus, Eli and Azzan were the walking trees but they only had two leaves and a dandelion between them. We tried not to laugh. MacGargoyle’s head was a balloon with a face drawn on it so when Toby lifted it up, the wind blew it away and it popped on the spire.

Bart has just nudged my elbow.  He wants me to tell you a joke he heard in a school recently.

Q. What do you call an exploding ape?

A. A ba-boom!

We’re off to an amusement park on Monday – hurrah!



16
Jul

Posted by Ben

The world cup is over – boo hoo!  Only stupid sisters like Arabella and Jessica are pleased about that.  Never mind, the football season starts soon!

Sports day was wicked. Toby and Eli hid in the sacks and Miss Bleet thought they were haunted.  And then Neb blended in with the sand in the long jump and tickled all the jumpers’ feet!

Next, Max and I won the leapfrog race! Lucinda and Tiffany were in the lead but they kept stopping to make sure that they weren’t showing their pants so we beat them easy peasy – and without the gargoylz help. 

But you can never keep the gargoylz quiet for long and soon they were playing a trick.  Mr Widget was selling his homemade lemonade to the parents. First Theo distracted him by doing his kitten impression. While he was busy shooing him off, Zack popped invisible and stuck a pin in all the plastic cups. Every time Mr Widget went to serve a drink he was showered in lemonade! He was so sweet and sticky he got chased by wasps. He zoomed down the 50m sprint faster than all the year 6 kids and won the race!  (The wasps came second.)

On Monday we’ve got a school trip. We’re going to an open air theatre to see a play by some bloke called Shakespeare.  Mrs Hogsbum says it will be really good so it definitely won’t be.  We’re going to get all the gargoylz to come along. They’ll have fun and Ira can make it rain during the boring bits which will probably be all the time.




Blog writer: Agent Neal

Max’s dad wasn’t too pleased when he had to change all his clothes because they were covered in milk and cornflakes. I don’t know why Max got into trouble. After all, he only gave his sister the rubber egg.  It was Jessica who hit their dad with it.

Talking of sisters, we played a great trick on my sister, Enemy Agent Arabella: also known as Manic Monitor.  Arabella snitched on Max and me just because we were doing an experiment at school. We wanted to know whether Mrs Hogsbum’s prize cactuses would grow better if they got fed on custard. They didn’t – they went floppy and died.

Mrs Hogsbottom didn’t listen when we said it was an important scientific experiment and she made us water all the plants in the school. It took ages.

So we decided to get our own back on Arabella. We asked Ira to rain on her. Then we hid and watched with Eli and Cyrus. It was awesome! As soon as she stepped out at playtime Ira flapped his wings and a little black cloud sprinkled drops of cold rain on her head. She started screaming. Mrs Plod, one of the dinnerladies, came up to see what all the fuss was about and Arabella complained that it was raining and said everyone should go in. Mrs Plod looked up at the blue sky and told her not to be silly. When she’d gone, Ira flapped his wings again! This time Arabella was soaked. She bellowed for Mrs Plod and got told off for pouring water over herself. Eli and his snakes laughed so loudly I thought we’d get found out.

I’m writing this on the classroom computer at lunchtime. I think I can hear Miss Bleat coming. I’ll hide in the stock cupboard. She’ll never find me there.




Ben Neal, superspy, here at the classroom computer.

Miss Bleet couldn’t believe it when she saw the beetle on her desk. She was wittering on about how it must be a homing beetle when Zack popped invisible and dropped it down her back. She had stopped screaming by home time.

Max and I have had an awesome footie competition this week.  It was Superspies v. Gargoylz. Max and I won on Monday night and the gargoylz won on Tuesday night – but that’s only because they cheated. We’d told Zack he couldn’t go invisible but he forgot and scored five goals.  So Wednesday’s match was the decider. But we’d only just got started when the Basher turned up. He’d seen something going on from his bedroom window.

The gargoylz just managed to hide in time but Max and I were too slow. Barry stormed over, snatched the ball and lobbed it up onto the school roof. Then he stood there laughing at us. Of course, getting your ball back from a high place is no problem when you’ve got secret gargoyle friends, but Barry doesn’t know that we have. And we couldn’t ask them to get it with him standing there. But then suddenly he shouted that there was a snake in the grass and he ran away! 

Good old Eli. His secret power is brilliant. Toby flew up and got the ball and we carried on with the match. At ten-all we decided to call the whole thing a draw!

Bart has just appeared at the window. He’s looking worried. I wonder what he wants. We’ll let you know next week . . .



15
Jan

Posted by Max

Agent Max Black signing in to the secret superspy blog on our classroom computer.

The teacher snow trap was brilliant…

We arrived at school early on Monday and got Eli and Cyrus to pile up loads of snow on the roof just above the staffroom window. The plan was that we’d throw a snowball at the window and when one of the teachers stuck their head out to see who’d done it, Eli and Cyrus would give them a snow shower.

Brilliant plan, Agent Black, I hear you say.

Well, Ben threw the snowball and we got ready to watch the fun. The window flew open and Mrs Hogsbum stuck her beaky nose out! I don’t know how she knew we’d done it but she went purple and told us it’s against school rule number three hundred and six to knock on the staffroom window with a snowball. She was in the middle of a very loud ‘Outrageous!’ when Eli and Cyrus pushed the whole pile of snow down on top of her head. Awesome avalanche! She looked very funny with icicles sticking out of her hair.

The snow’s all gone now but there’s plenty of other ways to play tricks. I’ve just noticed that Miss Bleet has left her lunchbox open. Ben and I are off to swap her grated cheese for grated soap! Can’t wait to see what happens. We’ll tell you next week!

See you then fellow agents…



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