Our Valentine’s day trick worked awesomely – and you won’t believe who we played it on!  Mrs Hogsbottom! 

When it was first playtime we got Theo to sneak a special homemade Valentine card on to her desk.  Mr Duster, the caretaker, nearly caught him but he turned into a kitten just in time and we didn’t see him for hours as Mr Duster scooped him up, gave him a cushion in his broom cupboard and found some tuna for him.  Toby tried to rescue him but Theo said he didn’t want to be rescued as he was enjoying himself. 

Anyway, we didn’t know that was all happening because Ben, Azzan, Ira and I were hiding under Mrs Hogsbum’s window waiting to see what would happen when she read her card.  Ira had written the verse and it said (in wobbly writing as he had to hold the pencil in his beak)…

Yo ho ho
And a bottle of ink
You’ve got a big nose
And you stink.

When Mrs Hogsbum came into her room and read the card she bellowed ‘Outrageous’ and the whole school heard it. Then she insisted on finding out who had written Ira’s card so she stormed round the school making everyone go into the hall and write out the poem so she could check our writing. Even the teachers! In the end she decided that Mr Widget who had sent it! Well, his writing was very wobbly with her breathing down his neck! She yelled ‘Outrageous’ another hundred and fifty times and told Mr Widget that he’d broken School Rule number 636 – Teachers must not send rude Valentine cards to the head teacher! She said he’d have to stay in at playtime!

It’s half term next week and Ben and I are going to Lasershoot.  Arabella and Jessica are going too so we’ve got to think up a really good trick so they won’t go there ever again.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Azzan Ben Gargoylz Ira Max Mr Duster Mr Weedy Widget Mrs Hogsbum Theo Toby

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Happy new year, Gargoylz fans!

I’m supposed to be looking up how the Vikings farmed!  I’d much rather find out how they had battles and all that.  But Miss Bleet isn’t looking so I’m writing this blog and looking up Viking battles!

We’ve been back at school for four days now.  It’s been fun thanks to the gargoylz.  Mrs Hogsbottom was in her usual bad mood and really moaned at everyone in assembly today for coughing. She said we had broken school rule number 422 – children must not have colds during school time. After saying ‘outrageous’ three times in a row, she put her glasses on to read some important messages – well she thought they were important.  Ben and I don’t care about her new sprout garden in the playground! When she took her glasses off to glare at us, everyone started laughing, even the teachers. Mrs Hogsbottom now had black circles around her eyes. She looked like a disgruntled panda! She got crosser and crosser and of course that made us all laugh even more. Eventually Mr Duster, the caretaker, went over and offered her his sponge.  That was the end of assembly – five minutes early.

At playtime we rushed over to the wall next to the churchyard and sure enough there were Toby and Ira waiting to hear what we thought of their trick. We told them it was awesome and asked how they did it. Ira explained that it was an old pirate prank! They rubbed pencil on her glasses frames so that the lead rubbed off on to her face when she put her spectacles on.

I’m going to try it on my dad tonight!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Ben Ira Max Miss Bleet Mr Duster Mrs Hogsbum Toby

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Our party hats started off okay. I went round to Max’s house on Saturday and found that Jelly, Neb, Barney and Ira were already there, helping Max to get out all the paper and glue and stuff that we needed. We decided to make pirate hats.  We’d just got our cardboard into cool pirate hat shapes when Max’s mum called us for a snack.  When we got back (bringing cookies for our friends, of course) we found a terrible mess and not a gargoyle in sight. The hats were covered in dead leaves, old socks and toilet paper!  And so was the furniture. Then Barney, Neb and Ira popped out of the wardrobe and yelled ‘surprise’! They thought we’d be pleased. When we complained about the hats, Ira told us that he knew all about olden day pirates and they always looked a bit messy. Then we heard Jelly calling for help. He’d turned into a ball of purple goo and was stuck to the top of Max’s hat. When we’d peeled him off and he’d gone back to normal he explained he wanted to be there when Mrs Hogsbum gave his hat the prize.

We felt really stupid at the party in our hats. I had one of Max’s football socks dangling in my face and he had toilet paper over one eye. We wanted to take our hats off but Mrs Hogsbum said we’d be breaking school rule number 961 – boys must not take party hats off at Christmas parties. And then it was brilliant because we won the prize for the funniest hats!

Then Abel played the most awesome Christmas trick on Mrs Hogsbum. He waited until she was making her rounds of the school at lunchtime and transformed into a Christmas tree, complete with baubles and tinsel. He took up the whole corridor. We were just coming along and saw Mrs Hogsbum going red in the face with steam blowing out of her ears. Unfortunately she spotted us and thought we’d done it. She told us we’d broken school rule number 962 – boys must not block the corridor with Christmas trees. The moment she’d gone, Abel turned back into his normal self, scampered round to overtake her and turned into a tree again. She couldn’t understand how the tree kept moving and in the end she thought she must be going mad and went home. Result!

Now we’ve got two whole weeks off for Christmas!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Abel Barney Ben Christmas Ira Jelly Max Mrs Hogsbum Neb

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Last day of school! Hurray!

The play was awesome!  There were witches and walking trees and ghosts.  And at the end, the baddie, who was called Macbeth, got his head cut off and someone held it up.  It looked really real and dripped with blood and the Basher burst out crying. We didn’t need Ira to make it rain at all but we forgot to tell him so the whole audience got soaked! 

Anyway, the gargoylz really liked it so they invited us to go and watch them put on their version of the play in the churchyard. It was called MacGargoyle. Zack was MacGargoyle and he kept disappearing so it was hard to follow what was going on. Rufus, Eli and Azzan were the walking trees but they only had two leaves and a dandelion between them. We tried not to laugh. MacGargoyle’s head was a balloon with a face drawn on it so when Toby lifted it up, the wind blew it away and it popped on the spire.

Bart has just nudged my elbow.  He wants me to tell you a joke he heard in a school recently.

Q. What do you call an exploding ape?

A. A ba-boom!

We’re off to an amusement park on Monday – hurrah!

Categories: Gargoylz, jokes
Tags: Azzan Barry the Basher Bart Eli Gargoylz Ira jokes Rufus Shakespeare Toby Zack

5

The world cup is over – boo hoo!  Only stupid sisters like Arabella and Jessica are pleased about that.  Never mind, the football season starts soon!

Sports day was wicked. Toby and Eli hid in the sacks and Miss Bleet thought they were haunted.  And then Neb blended in with the sand in the long jump and tickled all the jumpers’ feet!

Next, Max and I won the leapfrog race! Lucinda and Tiffany were in the lead but they kept stopping to make sure that they weren’t showing their pants so we beat them easy peasy – and without the gargoylz help. 

But you can never keep the gargoylz quiet for long and soon they were playing a trick.  Mr Widget was selling his homemade lemonade to the parents. First Theo distracted him by doing his kitten impression. While he was busy shooing him off, Zack popped invisible and stuck a pin in all the plastic cups. Every time Mr Widget went to serve a drink he was showered in lemonade! He was so sweet and sticky he got chased by wasps. He zoomed down the 50m sprint faster than all the year 6 kids and won the race!  (The wasps came second.)

On Monday we’ve got a school trip. We’re going to an open air theatre to see a play by some bloke called Shakespeare.  Mrs Hogsbum says it will be really good so it definitely won’t be.  We’re going to get all the gargoylz to come along. They’ll have fun and Ira can make it rain during the boring bits which will probably be all the time.

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Ben Eli Ira Lucinda Max Miss Bleet Mr Weedy Widget Mrs Hogsbum Neb Shakespeare Sports Day Toby Zack

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Posted by Ben Neal

Max has a very interesting haircut at the moment.  Ira and Neb went with him to the hairdressers.  They had a great time playing hide and seek among the towels and curlers but just as the hairdresser was about to use the battery-powered clippers on Max, Ira got excited and made it rain – indoors!  The clippers fizzed and sparked and ran all round Max’s head.  He looks like a spiky tennis ball!

Max is at my house at this moment and we’re having a footie sleepover. More World Cup tonight so we’re going to watch it together in the lounge with the big TV. Barney, Azzan and Jelly are here too.  The others are going to watch the match on the vicar’s television. Not that the vicar has any idea.

Max and I had our own World Cup match at lunchtime yesterday. I scored the winning goal – thanks to Mrs Hogsbum! It was three-all and it was nearly the end of lunchtime. Mrs Hogsbum was just stomping across the playground to shout at some infants when I did a brilliant kick. The ball sailed in the air, bounced off her nose and zoomed straight into the goal. Mrs Hogsbum staggered about a bit and fell on her bottom in a flowerbed. Just then the bell went for afternoon school which meant I had won! I told Mrs H she’d scored the winning goal for me. I don’t know why she was so cross about it. She said I’d broken school rule 765 – boys must not use their head teacher to score winning goals.

We’ve got a special football feast of chocolate crackolates and cola to share with Barney, Azzan and Jelly. And best of all, Arabella’s banned from the lounge. She made a big fuss about it so the gargoylz have promised us they’ll play a trick on her.  And she deserves it. She said that football is silly!

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks, world cup
Tags: Azzan Barney Ben football haircut Ira Jelly Max Mrs Hogsbum Neb world cup

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Blog writer: Agent Neal

Max’s dad wasn’t too pleased when he had to change all his clothes because they were covered in milk and cornflakes. I don’t know why Max got into trouble. After all, he only gave his sister the rubber egg.  It was Jessica who hit their dad with it.

Talking of sisters, we played a great trick on my sister, Enemy Agent Arabella: also known as Manic Monitor.  Arabella snitched on Max and me just because we were doing an experiment at school. We wanted to know whether Mrs Hogsbum’s prize cactuses would grow better if they got fed on custard. They didn’t – they went floppy and died.

Mrs Hogsbottom didn’t listen when we said it was an important scientific experiment and she made us water all the plants in the school. It took ages.

So we decided to get our own back on Arabella. We asked Ira to rain on her. Then we hid and watched with Eli and Cyrus. It was awesome! As soon as she stepped out at playtime Ira flapped his wings and a little black cloud sprinkled drops of cold rain on her head. She started screaming. Mrs Plod, one of the dinnerladies, came up to see what all the fuss was about and Arabella complained that it was raining and said everyone should go in. Mrs Plod looked up at the blue sky and told her not to be silly. When she’d gone, Ira flapped his wings again! This time Arabella was soaked. She bellowed for Mrs Plod and got told off for pouring water over herself. Eli and his snakes laughed so loudly I thought we’d get found out.

I’m writing this on the classroom computer at lunchtime. I think I can hear Miss Bleat coming. I’ll hide in the stock cupboard. She’ll never find me there.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Arabella Ben Cyrus Eli Gargoylz Ira Jessica Max Mrs Hogsbum

6

Agent Neal reporting. I’m on the computer at school and I’m meant to be finding out some boring old stuff about ‘Farming in the Swiss Alps’ but Max and I have got something much more important to do – secret plan: catch up with our blog.

Sorry you didn’t get to hear Bart’s joke. He’s says we must start with it this week so here it is…

Q.  How do you spot a modern spider?

A.  He doesn’t have a web, he has a website!

Bart rolled about on his fat tummy for five minutes after telling us that.

On Wednesday the gargoylz called us into the church after school. They said they had a surprise. We’d just sat down on a pew and Ira started to tell us a long story about when he went to sea on his pirate ship. (Ira has never been to sea in his life!)  

Suddenly Barney came running down the aisle saying it was snowing! He dashed for the door, yelling “Time for a snowball fight.” Max and I were really excited and we charged after him. When we got outside we found there wasn’t any snow – on the ground that is. The gargoylz had played a trick on us.  But there was something even better –  a big plate of round, coconutty, chocolately cakes.  Barney told us they’re called Coconut Snowballs. He got the recipe from one of the vicar’s magazines.

And they were awesome!

I can hear Miss Bleet wittering on to Lucinda Tellingly about how hard she’s worked. Yuck!

Now she’s coming over here. Better switch screens before she sees this.

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Bart Ben Coconut Snowballs Gargoylz Ira Max snow

12

Max here. I’m on Dad’s laptop so better be quick because I’m not really meant to use it. He made such a fuss when I got crisps stuck in the keyboard. Grown-ups are so silly sometimes.

I’d better explain why Bart looked so worried when he turned up at the classroom window last Friday. We found out when school was over. He was waiting for us in the churchyard. It turned out he couldn’t find any of the gargoylz anywhere so he’d come to ask us to help him look for them.

Agent Black and Agent Neal instantly leapt into action. Secret Plan: Find the Gargoylz.

We peered up at the steeple, poked round the gravestones and even stuck our heads into the church. Of course we pulled them out again double quick when we saw Aggie and Doris, Demon Flower Arrangers, inside.

There was no sign of the gargoylz anywhere. What had happened to our little stony friends?  Had they fallen down a well or got stuck in Mrs Hogsbottom’s cupboard or been kidnapped by aliens?  

Then Bart said we should look in the trees in the corner of the churchyard. Ben and I zoomed along and – SPLAT! We fell on our faces in a pool of oozy mud. When we’d got the mud out of our ears we heard a lot of gargoyle chuckling. We looked up and saw Toby, Theo, Zack and Ira laughing at us from the trees. They’d made a mud trap and covered it with leaves. It had all been Bart’s idea! We told him it was an awesome trick.

Then Bart said he had something even better – a new joke. How do you spot…—  Whoops! Dad’s coming. Tell you next week!

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Bart Demon Flower Arrangers Ira Max mud Theo Toby Zack

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