Gargoylz Blog » Jessica
13
Aug

Posted by Ben

Max’s Dalek impression with the tin foil and the plunger was really realistic. He knew Jessica is scared of them so he barged into her bedroom in his disguise, chanting ‘exterminate, exterminate’ and hoping she’d run for her life. But it didn’t work like that.  She whacked him over the head with a fairy wand saying that she was Doctor Who and that was her sonic screwdriver.

We had a postcard from Italy today.  It was a bit damp round the edges.  We’d been wondering where Barney had got to as we hadn’t seen him on the church recently and the other gargoylz couldn’t tell us.  Anyway, it was his writing on the card.  It said that last week he saw Mrs Hogsbum packing for her holiday and filling her case with cookies.  He dived straight in, got zipped up and next thing he knew he was in a hotel in Venice and Mrs Hogsbum was unpacking her knickers.  He was so scared he scrambled out of the window and fell straight in a canal.  He didn’t know the roads are all made of water in Venice.

He says he’s having a great time eating pasta and gelato – that’s Italian for ice cream – and he can’t wait until she visits the Leaning Tower of Pizza.  He hopes it’s cheese and tomato!



6
Aug

Posted by Max

Unfortunately Ben wasn’t fast enough hiding from Arabella and her five zillion and three photos of the dolls’ museum even though he hid on the top shelf of the airing cupboard.

Anyway he soon recovered when I told him we were going to spend the whole of the next day in my garden right away from his annoying sister.

However, I’d forgotten that my annoying sister would be around.  When we got outside, ready for a game of superspies, Jessica had taken over the whole lawn with a yucky teddy bears’ picnic and told us to go away and play indoors. 

We were about to spray her with water from the hose when Mum saw us and made us sweep the patio – and she said she was going to keep an eye on us.

We were just thinking that this wasn’t going to be a fun day after all when a pair of stony ears popped up from a pot plant.  It was Zack, and Neb was with him.  We pretended to be polishing the pot and bent down to tell them all about Jesscia taking over the garden.  Zack and Neb grinned at each other so we knew they were going to do something cool.  Zack disappeared and Neb blended with the patio stones.

When Jessica went inside to get more juice, her teddy bears began moving about.  She couldn’t believe her eyes when she came back to see Grumblytum on his head, Sleepytime Ted up a tree and Mr Fuzzyfur with his head through a hole in the fence and the others were all in a heap on the shed roof.  And half the picnic had been eaten.  She let out an ear-splitting scream and told Mum that we’d done it!  Of course Mum knew it wasn’t us as she’d been watching us making a beautiful job of the patio.  Jessica was so cross she started taking her bears inside.  We helped which made her even crosser and then we had a great game of superspies.   It’s extra good when you’ve got two vanishing gargoylz!

Bart has read a teddy bear joke in a book.

Q. What do you get if you cross a skunk with a teddy bear?
A. Winnie the Pooh!

Oh dear he’s just made one up one of his own.

Q. What do you get if you cross a bottom burping gargoyle with a teddy bear?

A. Barney the Pooh!

I’ve thought of another trick I can play on Jessica.  Going off to get tin foil and a plunger!



30
Jul

Posted by Ben

We were so excited about the amusement park.  My mum took me and Max while his mum took our annoying sisters, Arabella and Jessica to a dolls’ museum – glad they didn’t get the tickets mixed up!  Of course the gargoylz sneaked into the car as well.

We’d just arrived and were making for the Cliff Drop Ride when disaster struck.  Barry Price, also known as the Basher, codename: School Bully, came round the corner.

He got in the queue behind us and dropped ice cream down our backs while we waited for our go. (Luckily it was a hot day)  Then he pelted us with peanuts when we were on the airplanes. We got our own back later though – thanks to the gargoylz.

We all climbed aboard the Supersonic Speedcoaster – the one that turns you upside down and has 15 twists. As the ride began, Cyrus sang quietly into Barry’s ear. He fell asleep straight away and missed the whole ride. And it was awesome. We were nearly sick it was so great. When we got to the end Barry woke up and couldn’t understand why the man was telling him to get out. Barry insisted the ride hadn’t started yet and had a tantrum. In the end his mum had to drag him away.

We had a wonderful time after that. The gargoylz’ favourite was the storybook slow river ride. While the boats went round they all hid among the exhibits. We heard lots of happy kids coming out talking about the stony models that squirted their parents with water! Gargoylz’ tricks are awesome!

Uh oh! Arabella’s coming. I bet she wants to show me all her photos of the dolls’ museum. Boring. Got to hide! 



25
Jun

Posted by Max

The gargoylz just don’t understand the meaning of NO TRICKS! 

We missed the England match kick off last week because Zack popped invisible and ran off with the remote control.  The next thing we knew, we were watching a shopping channel selling make up!  Then we heard my annoying little sister stomping up the stairs. The gargoylz only just managed to hide when she burst in and wanted to know where the kitten was.  She’d seen it looking out of my bedroom window.  We said there wasn’t one but then we all heard a miaow under the bed. That naughty Theo. He must have been looking out and seen her in the front garden and thought he would scare her by changing into a fierce tiger!  Of course he only managed a sweet little kitten.

Jessica insisted on checking under the bed and the next minute shrieked our ears off and ran away.  We were gob-smacked!  We thought that Theo had finally become a fierce tiger after all.  But then we found out what had happened.  Rufus had turned into a skeleton and scared her!

Trouble is, Jessica’s shrieking brought Mum in and the gargoylz had to dive into the wardrobe.  Mum heard them shuffling about and is now convinced that we’ve got mice!

At last we watched the match while the gargoylz tried on all my football shirts and did action replays on the bed.

Signing off now.  Mum’s dragging me to the hairdressers.  We go past the church so I hope I can get one or two gargoylz to come with me.  That should make it interesting!




Posted by Max Black

Bart’s spiders in the sleeping bags trick was great! Bart burped his spiders and then we all hid nearby and listened. As soon as Arabella and Jessica got into bed they gave a shriek and flapped about so much that the tent collapsed on top of them!

On the way home we stopped for a picnic by a church. When we got the food out half of it had gone and everyone thought Ben and I had eaten it. We said it wasn’t us (which was true), it must have been rats (which wasn’t true but it made Jessica squeal). We knew who’d been at the picnic hamper really – the gargoylz.

 Then we lost Bart and our parents were telling us to hurry up and get in the car. We couldn’t go without him and we guessed that he must be in the old church.  So we told our mums and dads we had to have a quick look around the church.  We said it was for a school project. (That always shuts parents up.)

Time for secret plan – Find Bart.  We took all the gargoylz with us and started searching inside. Then we heard gargoyly chuckling coming from the font. And there was Bart having a bath.  But before we could get him the door at the back opened and the vicar came in! Bart just managed to climb on to the end of a nearby pew and freeze like a statue. We quickly pretended to be admiring him. The vicar was really surprised to see Bart there. He said he didn’t remember an ugly statue like that being in the church yesterday, especially a wet one. Toby whispered from the rafters that it wouldn’t be there tomorrow either and we had to make sure we didn’t giggle till the vicar had gone. Zack wanted to pop invisible and trick the vicar by ringing the church bells but then Arabella shouted that we were going so we had to rush back to the cars and make sure all the gargoylz got in the boot.

We’re looking forward to tonight. Straight after school we’re going to watch the first match of the World Cup!  South Africa v Mexico.  We expect all our readers will be watching too. And tomorrow it’s England’s first match – Goaltastic!




Posted by Ben from Sunnybrook Campsite.

It’s raining this afternoon so we’ve come to an Internet café to catch up with our blog. Our mums and dads are writing postcards and Arabella is teaching Jessica how to make friendship bracelets. (Yuck!)

We’re having a great holiday. This campsite is awesome. There’s an adventure playground and a swimming pool. But best of all, Max and I are sharing a tent.

It’s a bit crowded as the gargoylz have all come with us and they insist on getting in our sleeping bags at night. Gargoylz don’t get cold but Rufus explained that they want to do the whole camping thing properly.

Toby’s just popped up from under the table. He’s reminded me to tell you about the fantastic trick we played on our pesky sisters.

We told them that there was a haunted toilet on the campsite. Of course they didn’t believe us so we dared them to go and look. Neb was already in there, using his special power to blend in with the background. As soon as the girls came along he made ghostly noises, flapped the lid up and down and flushed the chain. They screamed so loudly we had to put our fingers in our ears!

Something completely amazing is happening next Friday.  The World Cup is starting!  Poor old Bart thought that the World Cup must be an enormous cup of tea and we had to explain that it was in fact the best football competition in the history of best football competitions. 

Anyway, it looks like the rain’s stopping so we’re off to have a match in the mud. Off home tomorrow – worst luck, but tonight Bart’s going to burp spiders into the girls’ sleeping bags! Awesome!




Blog writer: Agent Neal

Max’s dad wasn’t too pleased when he had to change all his clothes because they were covered in milk and cornflakes. I don’t know why Max got into trouble. After all, he only gave his sister the rubber egg.  It was Jessica who hit their dad with it.

Talking of sisters, we played a great trick on my sister, Enemy Agent Arabella: also known as Manic Monitor.  Arabella snitched on Max and me just because we were doing an experiment at school. We wanted to know whether Mrs Hogsbum’s prize cactuses would grow better if they got fed on custard. They didn’t – they went floppy and died.

Mrs Hogsbottom didn’t listen when we said it was an important scientific experiment and she made us water all the plants in the school. It took ages.

So we decided to get our own back on Arabella. We asked Ira to rain on her. Then we hid and watched with Eli and Cyrus. It was awesome! As soon as she stepped out at playtime Ira flapped his wings and a little black cloud sprinkled drops of cold rain on her head. She started screaming. Mrs Plod, one of the dinnerladies, came up to see what all the fuss was about and Arabella complained that it was raining and said everyone should go in. Mrs Plod looked up at the blue sky and told her not to be silly. When she’d gone, Ira flapped his wings again! This time Arabella was soaked. She bellowed for Mrs Plod and got told off for pouring water over herself. Eli and his snakes laughed so loudly I thought we’d get found out.

I’m writing this on the classroom computer at lunchtime. I think I can hear Miss Bleat coming. I’ll hide in the stock cupboard. She’ll never find me there.



9
Apr

Posted by Max

Blog writer: Agent Black

Poor Ben! He nearly didn’t get his hot cross buns! He was hiding in the wardrobe when he noticed an awful smell. For a moment he thought that Barney had sneaked in and made a bottom burp. Then he realised he was sitting on his dirty football socks that he’d stuffed in there instead of in the washing basket. He held his breath but it got too much and he began to choke. His mum found him straight away.

It was a good weekend for tasty food as it was Easter! We got lots of yummy chocolate eggs and Gran’s hot cross buns were scrumptious. We took some to the gargoylz and Rufus ate six! He said that when he uses his secret power he’s nothing but bones so he needed to fatten up! Then on Sunday, Ben and I made an Easter Egg hunt for the gargoylz. We bought lots of mini eggs with our pocket money and hid them all round the bottom of the garden. Then we invited the gargoylz over.

The hunt was going well when we heard Jessica coming. The gargoylz all froze in terror – except for Jelly who got so confused that he hopped backwards and forwards between our legs. Jessica took one look and ran inside, screaming to Mum that there was a bouncing dinosaur in the garden. Which was very silly of her because everyone knows that pterodactyls are lizards and not dinosaurs at all.

We carried on with the hunt and then we had a huge chocolate feast. Bart rubbed his tummy and told us that it was eggscellent, eggsciting and eggstraordinary! Groan! And we’ve still got another week of school holiday so who knows what we can get up to!

Keep reading, Gargoylz fans!



8
Jan

Posted by Ben

Hello, Ben here!

NEWS FLASH – OLDACRE PRIMARY SCHOOL CLOSED DUE TO SNOW

That came on the radio on Monday and we haven’t been to school all week. Awesome!

Anyway, I expect you’ve been wondering what happened when Jessica found the Christmas spider in her knicker drawer. We were just making a snow fort at the bottom of the garden when we heard a yell. We ran in to see the fun. Big mistake.

It wasn’t Jessica who’d found the Christmas spider – it was Mrs Black. I don’t know how she knew it was us who’d put it there! When she’d finished telling us off, she noticed the snow prints we’d left on the new carpet in the hall . . . and up the stairs . . . and on the landing. We scarpered – leaving a load more prints on the way down!

Anyway, we were still determined to get Jessica so we asked Bart to come and burp some spiders into her toy box in the lounge. But it wasn’t Jessica who found the spiders – it was Mrs Black again! She doesn’t like spiders, so she’s locked herself in her bedroom and won’t come out, even though Max has promised her there are no spiders anymore – which is true. They’ve all disappeared, of course, like Bart’s burped spiders always do.

School’s open on Monday and we’ve got an idea for a snowtastic trick to play on the teachers. It’s going to be brilliant! We’ll tell you all about it next week. Now we’re off to make plans with the gargoylz . . .

P.S. Bart’s just made up a great joke and he can’t stop laughing.

Q: What do you call a hot snowman?

A: A puddle



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