When we got to school on Wednesday the classroom was covered in bits of wool, shiny beads, paper petals, tissue paper and all sorts of smelly girly things. Miss Bleet announced that today was THE BIG DAY – her alternative sports day. Ben and I complained that we should do proper sports as it was good exercise but Miss Bleet said this would be just as good exercise – but for our fingers and brains instead. Groan!
First she said we had to find a partner. Well that was easy. Then she told me and Ben that we’d better behave as she hadn’t forgotten our T-rex model that we made out of Mr Bucket’s best mop, two dictionaries and the class rubbish bin.
We had some really stupid things to do. We had to see who could make the most beautiful paper flower for our mums. It was so boring and we ended up glued together with tissue paper in our ears. Then we had to see who could make the quickest pair of recycled socks. Ben’s were brilliant. He shoved his feet into a couple of cereal boxes and shouted “I’ve won!” but Miss Bleet said it didn’t count as he kept falling over.
Then she gave out some bits of old card and said we had to see who could decorate the most bookmarks in half an hour. Well the girls all got to work with tiny sequins and made nasty flower patterns. Ben and I were just sitting wondering how we could get out of there when we saw a pile of dirty old leaves under the table and Zack’s head poking out from the middle. Bart and Neb were with him. “You need help!” he said. “Got these from the church gutter.” We slapped glue on the bookmarks and stuck the leaves all over them and the gargoylz helped us from under the table. Well, Miss Bleet didn’t say we had to use the things IN the classroom and she definitely didn’t say that gargoylz were not allowed to help. When the half hour was up we’d done the most bookmarks! Miss Bleet wasn’t too pleased about the dirt all over the floor but she couldn’t say anything. Lucinda and Poppy and Tiffany all starting wailing and complaining, but then a line of spiders appeared in the leaves on Ben’s bookmark and marched towards them. Well done Bart! They forgot about complaining – they were so busy running out of the classroom.

We’re having a film next week in school. Ben and I can’t wait. We’re hoping it’s the new Spy-Boy film – Spy-Boy and the Sharkmen from Jupiter.

Categories: News
Tags: Bart Ben Gargoylz Lucinda Max Miss Bleet Mr Bucket Poppy spiders Spy-boy Tiffany

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Half term next week – awesome!

We had model disaster – well almost!

By the time the gargoylz had finished helping us, our model of St Mark’s Church was blackened round the edges (Azzan), missing three windows (Neb poked his nose in) and had the top of the spire bitten off (Zack thought it was made of chocolate!)

Luckily it was big enough for Cyrus to hide in. We struggled into the classroom with it because Cyrus is very heavy. Miss Bleet told us we’d have to do it all again even though we told her it was what the church looked like just after the war when it had been bombed. Then we said that if everyone listened carefully they’d hear the choir singing inside. This was Cyrus’s cue. Ben and I just managed to get our fingers in our ears as Cyrus struck up with ‘All things bright and beautiful’ and everyone fell asleep. Ben and I went round hiding their pencils.

When they all woke up, the bell for playtime went and Miss Bleet found she’d written a very nice comment on our reports about our imaginative church – Toby had copied her writing when they were all asleep.

We’re a bit worried about next week. Our mums have said that we’re having a great outing and that it’s going to be educational!  That sounds bad!

Categories: News
Tags: Azzan Ben church Cyrus Max Miss Bleet Neb singing Toby Zack

7

We have had three days back at school and now it’s the Royal Wedding so we’ve got another day off – awesome. But what is not awesome is that Ben and I have got a cool DVD to watch and the lounge is full of ghastly, shrieking girls. Our mums and Arabella and Jessica are having a Royal Wedding party. But I’m sure Ben and I can think of a trick to play on them, with the help of the gargoylz.

It was awesome on Wednesday. Miss Bleet had been on holiday to Belgium and had come back with a recipe for Belgian Chocolate Cookies and she was going to get us all to make them. But then she told us the bad news. We were making them for the teachers! She had decided that it was ‘Be nice to a teacher day!’

We signalled to the gargoylz that we needed their help. When the cookies were nearly finished and the delicious smell was driving us mad, it suddenly changed to the most awful pong.  We all had to rush out into the playground and when we got back inside the cookies had vanished. Miss Bleet couldn’t work out what had happened because we’d all been with her. But we knew of course – there was no mistaking one of Barney’s bottom burps. The gargoylz were trying to get everyone out so that they could snatch the cookies. The bell rang for playtime and we were about to go over to the church wall to get our share when Miss Bleet said we had to stay in and make some more cookies for the teachers.  Disaster!

But the next lot of cookies were nearly done when suddenly the fire alarm went off and the whole school had to evacuate the building. And of course, when we got back inside, the new cookies had gone too. This time Azzan had breathed fire and set the alarm off.

We had a wonderful cookie feast after school although the gargoylz had managed to eat nearly all of them by the time we got there!

Anyway, Ben’s here with some stony friends so we’ve got a secret plan to make – get the ghastly wedding watchers out of the lounge!

Categories: News
Tags: Azzan Barney Ben cookies Gargoylz Miss Bleet tricks

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Max came round to my house for tea last night as we had to write a story for Miss Bleet about hanging baskets. That was a punishment as she’d found our model of King Henry VIII made out of everyone’s PE bags. We tried to tell her he was a very fat king and that was why we’d needed all the PE bags but she was still cross for some reason and kept muttering that we shouldn’t have used superglue.  Some teachers just don’t understand education!

Anyway, on the way home I had to get new shoes. The most boring shopping in the history of most boring shopping.  Mum picked Max and me up in the car and we went off to this old-fashioned shop where a very cross lady got loads of really horrible shoes out for me to try. I told Mum they all looked like what grandads wear but she wouldn’t listen and the shoes lady kept tutting at me.  Suddenly Max started giggling. One of the pairs of shoes jumped out of the box and started jumping about! Then another pair joined in! Mum and the shoe lady couldn’t believe their eyes! We knew just what had happened. Zack and Neb had stowed away in the car and come in to help. 

Then we heard Toby’s growly voice from under the seats.  “Disgusting! These shoez have got fleaz. That’s why they’re jumping about.”

All the other shoppers screamed and stampeded so fast for the door that they all tried to go through it together and got stuck. The cross lady had to call the fire brigade to get them free! And in the meantime, I chose some really cool shoes and the cross lady and Mum were so upset by everything that they didn’t argue. Result! 

Next Friday is April Fool’s Day. I wonder if the gargoylz have got anything planned?

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: April Fool's Day Ben Gargoylz Max Miss Bleet Neb Pranks Toby Zack

12

We waited outside Arabella’s bedroom to hear her angry shrieks when she found the pink feathers all over her bed but there was absolute silence.  We couldn’t believe it.  Then Mum called us downstairs for tea. We don’t know how Arabella did it but our muffins were stuffed full of pink feathers! 

We weren’t going to let her get the better of us.  We thought we’d wait a few days until she’d forgotten all about it and then yesterday we played a wonderful trick.  Swotty Arabella had worked really hard on a project about barometers.  (They hang on the wall and tell you what the weather’s going to be like – boring!)   On our way to school, she went on and on about how it was the best project ever and she was the brainiest girl in the school and her teacher would be really pleased with her when she whipped it out of her bag.  Little did she know that we had a prank in store for her.

When we got to the playground, she put her bag down and started chatting with her horrible friends.  Barney was hiding in a nearby hedge and he made one of his best smells.  The girls all ran away coughing and spluttering, leaving their bags behind.  Quick as a flash, Toby grabbed the project and flew away with it.  Meanwhile Cyrus quickly shredded some paper with his claws and shoved that in her bag instead so it would look as if she’d torn her project into pieces.  Then we all went into our classes.

Soon there was a humungous shriek from Arabella down the corridor.  I jumped up and told Miss Bleet that my sister needed me.  Max and I dashed out of the door to where Toby was waiting for us with the project. We grabbed it and ran along to Arabella’s classroom.  We peered through the glass door at her.  She was having a tantrum, chucking shredded paper everywhere as she ransacked her bag looking for her project.  Her teacher looked cross.

I knocked at the door and asked in my sweetest voice if Arabella had lost anything.  Then I held up the project.  Arabella went purple and shrieked that I had stolen it.  It was great because her teacher got really cross then and told Arabella she should be grateful to have such a lovely brother. 

Max and I did the biggest high five ever outside! 

It’s Valentine’s day on Monday which is really yucky.  Wonder if we can play a special Valentine’s trick on someone?

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Arabella Barney Ben Cyrus Gargoylz Max Miss Bleet Toby

5

Happy new year, Gargoylz fans!

I’m supposed to be looking up how the Vikings farmed!  I’d much rather find out how they had battles and all that.  But Miss Bleet isn’t looking so I’m writing this blog and looking up Viking battles!

We’ve been back at school for four days now.  It’s been fun thanks to the gargoylz.  Mrs Hogsbottom was in her usual bad mood and really moaned at everyone in assembly today for coughing. She said we had broken school rule number 422 – children must not have colds during school time. After saying ‘outrageous’ three times in a row, she put her glasses on to read some important messages – well she thought they were important.  Ben and I don’t care about her new sprout garden in the playground! When she took her glasses off to glare at us, everyone started laughing, even the teachers. Mrs Hogsbottom now had black circles around her eyes. She looked like a disgruntled panda! She got crosser and crosser and of course that made us all laugh even more. Eventually Mr Duster, the caretaker, went over and offered her his sponge.  That was the end of assembly – five minutes early.

At playtime we rushed over to the wall next to the churchyard and sure enough there were Toby and Ira waiting to hear what we thought of their trick. We told them it was awesome and asked how they did it. Ira explained that it was an old pirate prank! They rubbed pencil on her glasses frames so that the lead rubbed off on to her face when she put her spectacles on.

I’m going to try it on my dad tonight!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Ben Ira Max Miss Bleet Mr Duster Mrs Hogsbum Toby

11

The Christmas fair was awesome.  There were some cool stalls in the hall – Cracker Tug-of-war, Pudding Rolling and Splat the Christmas Rat.  And of course, the cake stall.  The gargoylz were all hiding under it when Ben and I arrived and Miss Bleet, who was running it, looked very upset as the supplies kept disappearing. We had to buy a whole lot of goodies and lure the gargoylz away in case they got spotted. Then Zack saw Father Christmas and shouted – ‘Hello Santa, how’s Ruben?’

Mrs Hogsbottom thought it was me and told me I’d broken School Rule number 357 – Boys must not shout at Father Christmas! Poor Zack was very disappointed that Santa didn’t seem to recognise his voice. He cheered up when Ben and I told him it wasn’t the real Santa because we’d seen Mr Duster’s wellies under the red trousers – and Santa is far too busy to come to a school fair at this time of year.   

Anyway, the school play was yesterday and Ben was in it after all! And he played the main part – Scrooge. Luckily for him, Gavin, who was supposed to play Scrooge has chickenpox and Duncan, his understudy, came out in spots just before the curtain went up. Anyway, Miss Bleet had to ask Ben to do it instead. As he didn’t have time to learn his lines (and he couldn’t have done no matter how long he had!) he was allowed to use his script. He was very nervous but the gargoylz helped. When the ghosts visited Scrooge they sat above the stage and made wonderful wailing sounds and rattled chains and boxes of pasta.  We weren’t sure why they used pasta until Eli explained that they just liked the noise.

Signing off now. Tomorrow we’ve got to make hats for our school Christmas party next week. There’s a prize for the best one. We’ve promised the gargoylz that they can help. We’re not sure that was a good idea.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz
Tags: Ben Christmas Eli Max Miss Bleet Mrs Hogsbum Santa Zack

2

Mrs Hogsbottom told us we’d broken school rule number 820 – boys must not make working models of fireworks that contaminate the mashed potato.  We had to stay in at break time as a punishment but it was all right as Zack popped in and kept us company.

Talking of Zack – he played a good gargoylz trick on us today!  We were on our way to school and – wait for it – we were practising our spellings!  I know you must be thinking we’d gone soft in the head but there was a good reason.  Our mothers had sat us down and said that if we tried really hard in this test we could go to Max’s grandmother’s on Sunday and she’d bake all our favourite cakes.

So we were almost at the school gates when ‘pop’, Zack appeared.  He wanted us to play with him as the other gargoylz were all having a snooze.  They’d found a huge clump of thistles in the churchyard and were now sleeping off their prickly breakfast.  Well we had to tell Zack that we didn’t have time and we’d see him at playtime.  ‘No you won’t!’ he laughed and disappeared.

We did our test and I was really pleased that I remembered how to spell business and boomerangs – Miss Bleet was having a B day.  She gathered all the papers in and then looked at mine first and stared at me angrily.  ‘I should have known you wouldn’t learn your spellings, Ben,’ she said as crossly as she could.  I was gobsmacked – I was sure I’d got them all right. In my head, I could see Max’s gran taking my cakes away.

Miss Bleet held up my paper and said, ‘you don’t spell business and boomerangs like this!’  Everyone started laughing.  On my paper it now said, businezz and boomerangz. And all the other words had been changed. I knew who’d done it. Zack! 

‘Why can’t you be more like Lucinda?’ demanded Miss Bleet, holding up Lucinda’s test.  The whole class – except Lucinda – began shouting with laughter.  Her test had been changed as well!  When Miss Bleet checked, every word on every test had been changed.  Good one, Zack!

Miss Bleet sat down with a thud. She couldn’t understand it. ‘Our pencils must be faulty, Miss,’ piped up Max, with a wink at me.  ‘Perhaps they can’t write the letter ‘s’.’

The bell rang then for break and we left our teacher writing ‘s’ over and over again with the pencils and waiting for them to change into ‘z’.  She had to give us all 10 out of 10 so Sunday cakes here we come!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Ben Lucinda Max Miss Bleet Mrs Hogsbum Zack

9

Miss Bleet nearly saw our blog last week.  Just in time, Max fell off his chair and pretended he’d broken his nose so she forgot all about the tea cosies – whatever they are.

The Harvest Festival was nearly a disaster, thanks to the gargoylz!  When we told them about the food collection, they all rubbed their tummies and said it sounded like a nice feast.  We told them that the food was for the old people and they promised to leave it alone but when Max and I went to add our tins of spaghetti hoops to the pile we found that everything had been opened and scoffed.  We knew it was the gargoylz because there was a trail of custardy claw prints leading to the window.

And then we heard Mrs Hogsbottom coming.  (She was yelling at some infants and the sound was getting louder and louder.)  We quickly wiped away the prints and covered the mess with our new tins just as she came in.  She looked at us suspiciously and went on her way.  We knew we were in big trouble.  The moment she discovered the food had been eaten, she’d blame us because she’d seen us there.

We went to find the gargoylz and gave them a telling off.  They said they were very sorry but the food had looked so nice that they couldn’t resist. They told us they would sort it all out.

And they did!  Barney sneaked into the vicar’s kitchen and made muffins and cookies.  They were strange shapes and a bit burnt because Azzan helped him by breathing fire but he made loads and put them on pretty plates.  Then Abel and Eli carried all the food from the vicar’s larder into the school hall to replace the things that the gargoylz had eaten.  The next time Mrs Hogsbum checked on the display it was bursting with food and Max and I were safe.

We felt a bit sorry for the vicar because Miss Bleet recognised the plates and told him off for burning the cookies!

I can hear Arabella screeching from her bedroom.  I think she might have found the fake dog poo I put on her carpet.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Abel Arabella Azzan Barney Ben Eli Gargoylz Harvest Festival Max Miss Bleet Mrs Hogsbum Pranks vicar

3

I’m on the class computer and I’m supposed to be looking up tea cosies through the ages.   (I don’t even know what tea cosies are but they’re sure to be stupid if Miss Bleet’s interested in them!)

We had an awesome day on Sunday – a whole day of footie training.  It was run by Oldacre Town FC and we actually played on their pitch.  Ben and I had just started dribbling practice when someone else turned up – Barry Price.  And he’d brought his four cousins with him.  They barged about with the Basher, crashing into kids and spoiling everything.

Then we had a five-a-side competition.  Ben and I were in a team with Duncan and two boys we didn’t know.  We won our first match one-nil – Ben scored a dazzler – but then disaster struck.  We had to play Barry’s team with the Basher in goal.  They all flattened us like bulldozers.  They should have been red carded but the ref was scared of them.

Then the gargoylz came to the rescue. It was nearly the end of the match and we were five goals down and we heard a whisper from under the away bench.  It was Zack and Jelly.  They’d come to watch and realised we needed an emergency gargoyle trick.

Before we knew what had happened Jelly had turned into a squashy ball.  Zack popped invisible and suddenly the Jelly ball was sailing towards the goal.  Zack must have thrown him!  Barry thought it was the real ball and dived to save it. It got stuck to his hands and his cousins all rushed up to pull it off him. While they were doing that Ben and I both scored a hat trick and won the match six-five! And the best thing was that Barry and his cousins got told off for playing with a baby’s toy.

We were really helpful at the end of the match. We unstuck the ‘baby’s toy’ and said we’d get rid of it. The Basher and his cousins all scowled at us and we managed not to laugh as we took Jelly away.

Right got to go and find some tins of food.  Mrs Hogsbottom has ordered us to bring things in for the harvest festival next week.  She and Mr Widget are going to make a display and then all the food is going to be given to the old people in the village.  Mrs Hogsbum has told us that anyone who doesn’t do this will be breaking School Rule Number 836 – Children must not forget to bring in food for the Harvest Festival when the head teacher has ordered them to do it.

Whoops!  Here comes Miss Bleet and I haven’t found out what a tea cosy is.

Categories: News
Tags: Barry the Basher Ben football Gargoylz Jelly Max Miss Bleet Mr Weedy Widget Mrs Hogsbum Zack

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