Sorry you didn’t get to hear Bart’s joke. He’s says we must start with it this week so here it is…

Q.  How do you spot a modern spider?

A.  He doesn’t have a web, he has a website!

Bart rolled about on his fat tummy for five minutes after telling us that.

On Wednesday the gargoylz called us into the church after school. They said they had a surprise. We’d just sat down on a pew and Ira started to tell us a long story about when he went to sea on his pirate ship. (Ira has never been to sea in his life!)  

Suddenly Barney came running down the aisle saying it was snowing! He dashed for the door, yelling “Time for a snowball fight.” Max and I were really excited and we charged after him. When we got outside we found there wasn’t any snow – on the ground that is. The gargoylz had played a trick on us.  But there was something even better –  a big plate of round, coconutty, chocolately cakes.  Barney told us they’re called Coconut Snowballs. He got the recipe from one of the vicar’s magazines.

And they were awesome!

I can hear Miss Bleet wittering on to Lucinda Tellingly about how hard she’s worked. Yuck!

Now she’s coming over here. Better switch screens before she sees this.

The teacher snow trap was brilliant…

We arrived at school early on Monday and got Eli and Cyrus to pile up loads of snow on the roof just above the staffroom window. The plan was that we’d throw a snowball at the window and when one of the teachers stuck their head out to see who’d done it, Eli and Cyrus would give them a snow shower.

Brilliant plan, Agent Black, I hear you say.

Well, Ben threw the snowball and we got ready to watch the fun. The window flew open and Mrs Hogsbum stuck her beaky nose out! I don’t know how she knew we’d done it but she went purple and told us it’s against school rule number three hundred and six to knock on the staffroom window with a snowball. She was in the middle of a very loud ‘Outrageous!’ when Eli and Cyrus pushed the whole pile of snow down on top of her head. Awesome avalanche! She looked very funny with icicles sticking out of her hair.

The snow’s all gone now but there’s plenty of other ways to play tricks. I’ve just noticed that Miss Bleet has left her lunchbox open. Ben and I are off to swap her grated cheese for grated soap! Can’t wait to see what happens. We’ll tell you next week!

See you then fellow agents…

NEWS FLASH – OLDACRE PRIMARY SCHOOL CLOSED DUE TO SNOW

That came on the radio on Monday and we haven’t been to school all week. Awesome!

Anyway, I expect you’ve been wondering what happened when Jessica found the Christmas spider in her knicker drawer. We were just making a snow fort at the bottom of the garden when we heard a yell. We ran in to see the fun. Big mistake.

It wasn’t Jessica who’d found the Christmas spider – it was Mrs Black. I don’t know how she knew it was us who’d put it there! When she’d finished telling us off, she noticed the snow prints we’d left on the new carpet in the hall . . . and up the stairs . . . and on the landing. We scarpered – leaving a load more prints on the way down!

Anyway, we were still determined to get Jessica so we asked Bart to come and burp some spiders into her toy box in the lounge. But it wasn’t Jessica who found the spiders – it was Mrs Black again! She doesn’t like spiders, so she’s locked herself in her bedroom and won’t come out, even though Max has promised her there are no spiders anymore – which is true. They’ve all disappeared, of course, like Bart’s burped spiders always do.

School’s open on Monday and we’ve got an idea for a snowtastic trick to play on the teachers. It’s going to be brilliant! We’ll tell you all about it next week. Now we’re off to make plans with the gargoylz . . .

P.S. Bart’s just made up a great joke and he can’t stop laughing.

Q: What do you call a hot snowman?

A: A puddle

I had the most AWESOME Christmas ever. The best bit was the look on my sister Jessica’s face when she saw my giant plastic spider on top of the Christmas tree. I skateboarded straight round to Ben’s house to tell him how loudly she’d screamed. When I got there I skidded on the snow and landed on top of the snowman he’d made in his front garden. It got squashed flat so we called for the gargoylz and Toby, Barney and Azzan came and helped us make another one.

It took a long time because Azzan kept breathing fire and melting it. In the end Toby sat on him and he wasn’t very happy. Then Ben’s mum poked her head out of the window and the gargoylz had to hide in the wheelie bin. She asked us to sweep the snow off the front path and she said if we did it straight away we could have some chocolate chip cookies that she’d just baked. Then she said our snowman looked a bit odd. I suppose she’d never seen one with a dragon’s tail and wings before.

As soon as she’d gone we asked Azzan to breathe all over the path. He cheered up straight away and melted the snow at super speed. Ben’s mum couldn’t believe it! We got extra cookies – and shared them with the gargoylz, of course.

Must stop now. Ben and I are going to put the Christmas spider in Jessica’s knicker drawer. We’ll let you know what happens next week!