We had model disaster – well almost!

By the time the gargoylz had finished helping us, our model of St Mark’s Church was blackened round the edges (Azzan), missing three windows (Neb poked his nose in) and had the top of the spire bitten off (Zack thought it was made of chocolate!)

Luckily it was big enough for Cyrus to hide in. We struggled into the classroom with it because Cyrus is very heavy. Miss Bleet told us we’d have to do it all again even though we told her it was what the church looked like just after the war when it had been bombed. Then we said that if everyone listened carefully they’d hear the choir singing inside. This was Cyrus’s cue. Ben and I just managed to get our fingers in our ears as Cyrus struck up with ‘All things bright and beautiful’ and everyone fell asleep. Ben and I went round hiding their pencils.

When they all woke up, the bell for playtime went and Miss Bleet found she’d written a very nice comment on our reports about our imaginative church – Toby had copied her writing when they were all asleep.

We’re a bit worried about next week. Our mums have said that we’re having a great outing and that it’s going to be educational!  That sounds bad!

We had the worst lesson in the history of worst lessons today at school. Mr Widget took us for country dancing out in the playground. Yuck! If that wasn’t bad enough we had to dance with girls. Double Yuck! And if that wasn’t bad enough, Mr Widget played the tunes on his bagpipes.  We had to stick cotton wool in our ears.  We wondered about asking Zack to use his pin like he did last time and pop the bagpipes but Mr Widget had wrapped them in a sort of pin-proof bag. We sent out an urgent message to the gargoylz (paper aeroplane over the church wall) and along came Jelly.

Jelly was awesome. He glooped into a bouncy ball and bounced across the playground and then shot up the bottom pipe of the bagpipes into the bag. Then Jelly began to jump about inside. Poor Mr Widget could hardly hold on to the bagpipes, they were wriggling so much. He played faster and faster until we all fell over in a heap.  Mrs Hogsbum leant out of her window and said he’d broken school rule number 855– teachers must not play musical instruments that wriggle.

Country dancing was over – result!

Got to go.  Nan’s coming round and she’s promised to bring cakes.  Toby, Neb and Eli have just arrived so I’ve got to make sure there are some left for me!

Then we heard ‘boyz!’ hissed through the letterbox and when we looked, Toby and Abel were peeping out of a bush in the front garden.  They sneaked in and Abel slipped into the lounge. The girls and our mums had just got really gooey about lovely wedding dresses – yuck – when Arabella screamed. She told them that the plant in the corner had winked at her. The others didn’t believe her but then Jessica said it was waving at her and showing its teeth. Max’s mum just turned up the volume but then my mum gave a shriek and said there was a twiggy monster in the pot. Max’s mum looked but Abel had ducked down out of sight.

The mums then came looking for us because they were sure that we’d played a trick on them.  Luckily Max and I had thought about this so we made sure we were helping his dad out in the garden. They had to agree it couldn’t have been us and that they’d all be much happier watching it back at my house so off they all went. Result! Max and I got to watch our film in his lounge in peace!  And his dad made us some popcorn. He was amazed how quickly we ate it but he didn’t realise that we had five hungry gargoylz hiding behind the couch. Once they’d heard how well the trick had gone, Barney, Neb and Theo had come to join Toby and Abel.  It was a bit of a squash.

So it was an awesome Royal Wedding day for us.

Now we’re just off to drop a wet sponge on Arabella’s head from the bedroom window.  She’s been complaining we smell because we don’t wash enough and she says she just loves washing all the time.  So we’re going to give her an extra rinse and see how she likes that.

Anyway, on the way home I had to get new shoes. The most boring shopping in the history of most boring shopping.  Mum picked Max and me up in the car and we went off to this old-fashioned shop where a very cross lady got loads of really horrible shoes out for me to try. I told Mum they all looked like what grandads wear but she wouldn’t listen and the shoes lady kept tutting at me.  Suddenly Max started giggling. One of the pairs of shoes jumped out of the box and started jumping about! Then another pair joined in! Mum and the shoe lady couldn’t believe their eyes! We knew just what had happened. Zack and Neb had stowed away in the car and come in to help. 

Then we heard Toby’s growly voice from under the seats.  “Disgusting! These shoez have got fleaz. That’s why they’re jumping about.”

All the other shoppers screamed and stampeded so fast for the door that they all tried to go through it together and got stuck. The cross lady had to call the fire brigade to get them free! And in the meantime, I chose some really cool shoes and the cross lady and Mum were so upset by everything that they didn’t argue. Result! 

Next Friday is April Fool’s Day. I wonder if the gargoylz have got anything planned?

Anyway, playtimes haven’t been as much fun without our stony friends. Ben and I tried to play Super special secret agents today but we made a big mistake!  We’d planned an awesome trick on those icky girls, Lucinda, Poppy and Tiffany. All week we’ve been making confetti bombs!  They’re easy peasy. Ben got some of the thin paper bags that his mum puts sandwiches in.  We filled them with all the paper bits from Dad’s paper shredder.  Our plan was to drop them on the girls when they go to have their playtime chat under the honeysuckle. 

So we got in position and when we heard the footsteps we dropped our bombs.  But we didn’t know that the girls had been overtaken at the last minute and our paper bombs splattered all over…. Barry-the Basher-Price!

He was really angry and started rampaging about.  We were sure he was going to find us any minute when all of a sudden it began to rain over his head.  It was Ira using his special power.  Before he could say ‘you’re bashed’ the paper and water turned to papier-mâché and got stuck on his head like a sort of drippy helmet.

It took three dinner ladies and Mr Duster the caretaker to get Barry free.  And then he had to walk round school with pink bits stuck on his stubbly hair because Dad had shredded some pink paper. Mrs Hogsbottom said he’d broken School Rule number 363 – boys must not have shredded pink paper in their hair.

So Ira saved us in the nick of time.

The gargoylz are off again next week to visit more schools but we’re going to spend all weekend with them. We’ve told our mums we’ve got a brass rubbing project at the church. I wonder what we’ll get up to. 

Oh… Toby wants to know if anyone saw them this week? They were in Brighton, Essex and Kent. They hid from the teachers of course!

It was set up like a deserted castle and we all had laser guns in the shape of old fashioned swords.  Max and I were in a team together and we sped off to get away from the girls.  Our aim was to make it all the way from the drawbridge to the battlements without being blasted.  And we had to shoot the enemy teams and collect pretend gold coins on the way. The girls were on a different team and they were such sissies that they made our mums go with them! It was easy to know where they were because they kept screaming really girly shrieks just because it was dark.

We had an awesome time, blasting at monsters and collecting treasure.  But then something really scary happened.   We were creeping round the dark tunnels trying to find the last gold coin when we saw one whizzing along the ground ahead of us.  Every time we got near to it, it whizzed off again.  Then we realised it was being pulled along by a snake.  We thought we had it trapped in an old barrel but when we tipped it up we got covered in spiders! Yuck! It was only when the spiders vanished and we heard some growly chuckles that we realised the gargoylz were there! Eli and Bart had sneaked along for the fun! Eli was the snake of course and Bart had burped up the spiders.  Eli had found the last gold coin and we were able to get our prize – a slap up tea in the cafe.

As we were on our way there, we suddenly remembered that we were going to play a trick on the girls. But before we could think one up we heard a bloodcurdling shriek coming from a dark passageway and Jessica and Arabella came dashing out yelling that a haunted suit of armour was after them! We knew it must be one of the gargoylz.  The girls rushed off into the car park shrieking that they would never go to Lasershoot ever, ever again in their lives. RESULT!  When they’d gone, we saw Rufus – as a skeleton – waving one of his bony arms out of the suit of armour.

When we got our tea we made sure that all three gargoylz got plenty of cookies and doughnuts smuggled to them under the table.  Anyway Lasershoot was cool!

Bart wants me to tell you his favourite joke about Eli.

Q. What is a snake’s favourite food? 

A. Hiss Fingers!

And now Toby wants me to tell you something.  Oh yes!  The gargoylz are part of the World Book Day book.  I don’t think you’d need to be told.  Doesn’t everyone know that?  Anyway he’s insisting so I’m telling you!  And he says I must tell you to look out for the gargoylz next week as they’re going to visit lots of schools all around World Book Day. So if you live in Essex, Kent, Hertfordshire or Sussex you might see a stony paw or tail whizzing out of sight.  But remember, keep it a secret!

When it was first playtime we got Theo to sneak a special homemade Valentine card on to her desk.  Mr Duster, the caretaker, nearly caught him but he turned into a kitten just in time and we didn’t see him for hours as Mr Duster scooped him up, gave him a cushion in his broom cupboard and found some tuna for him.  Toby tried to rescue him but Theo said he didn’t want to be rescued as he was enjoying himself. 

Anyway, we didn’t know that was all happening because Ben, Azzan, Ira and I were hiding under Mrs Hogsbum’s window waiting to see what would happen when she read her card.  Ira had written the verse and it said (in wobbly writing as he had to hold the pencil in his beak)…

Yo ho ho
And a bottle of ink
You’ve got a big nose
And you stink.

When Mrs Hogsbum came into her room and read the card she bellowed ‘Outrageous’ and the whole school heard it. Then she insisted on finding out who had written Ira’s card so she stormed round the school making everyone go into the hall and write out the poem so she could check our writing. Even the teachers! In the end she decided that Mr Widget who had sent it! Well, his writing was very wobbly with her breathing down his neck! She yelled ‘Outrageous’ another hundred and fifty times and told Mr Widget that he’d broken School Rule number 636 – Teachers must not send rude Valentine cards to the head teacher! She said he’d have to stay in at playtime!

It’s half term next week and Ben and I are going to Lasershoot.  Arabella and Jessica are going too so we’ve got to think up a really good trick so they won’t go there ever again.

We weren’t going to let her get the better of us.  We thought we’d wait a few days until she’d forgotten all about it and then yesterday we played a wonderful trick.  Swotty Arabella had worked really hard on a project about barometers.  (They hang on the wall and tell you what the weather’s going to be like – boring!)   On our way to school, she went on and on about how it was the best project ever and she was the brainiest girl in the school and her teacher would be really pleased with her when she whipped it out of her bag.  Little did she know that we had a prank in store for her.

When we got to the playground, she put her bag down and started chatting with her horrible friends.  Barney was hiding in a nearby hedge and he made one of his best smells.  The girls all ran away coughing and spluttering, leaving their bags behind.  Quick as a flash, Toby grabbed the project and flew away with it.  Meanwhile Cyrus quickly shredded some paper with his claws and shoved that in her bag instead so it would look as if she’d torn her project into pieces.  Then we all went into our classes.

Soon there was a humungous shriek from Arabella down the corridor.  I jumped up and told Miss Bleet that my sister needed me.  Max and I dashed out of the door to where Toby was waiting for us with the project. We grabbed it and ran along to Arabella’s classroom.  We peered through the glass door at her.  She was having a tantrum, chucking shredded paper everywhere as she ransacked her bag looking for her project.  Her teacher looked cross.

I knocked at the door and asked in my sweetest voice if Arabella had lost anything.  Then I held up the project.  Arabella went purple and shrieked that I had stolen it.  It was great because her teacher got really cross then and told Arabella she should be grateful to have such a lovely brother. 

Max and I did the biggest high five ever outside! 

It’s Valentine’s day on Monday which is really yucky.  Wonder if we can play a special Valentine’s trick on someone?

The gargoylz said that as we had ten minutes before she opened her eyes, they could help us get everything ready and give her a big surprise. Well, she certainly got a big surprise! We put all the ingredients in a bowl and Neb jumped in and snorkelled round. He said he was mixing it all up but he squirted most of it round the room. By the time Max’s nan woke up there was egg on the ceiling, butter all over the bread bin and flour in the cooker. In the end she made the muffins and we ate them – at least, we ate as many as we could before the gargoylz got their stony paws on them!

This Saturday is going to be soooo boring. Max and I have to go and watch Jessica and Arabella take part in some sort of girly dance show. Hold on – maybe if the gargoylz come along it won’t be so bad…

I’m supposed to be looking up how the Vikings farmed!  I’d much rather find out how they had battles and all that.  But Miss Bleet isn’t looking so I’m writing this blog and looking up Viking battles!

We’ve been back at school for four days now.  It’s been fun thanks to the gargoylz.  Mrs Hogsbottom was in her usual bad mood and really moaned at everyone in assembly today for coughing. She said we had broken school rule number 422 – children must not have colds during school time. After saying ‘outrageous’ three times in a row, she put her glasses on to read some important messages – well she thought they were important.  Ben and I don’t care about her new sprout garden in the playground! When she took her glasses off to glare at us, everyone started laughing, even the teachers. Mrs Hogsbottom now had black circles around her eyes. She looked like a disgruntled panda! She got crosser and crosser and of course that made us all laugh even more. Eventually Mr Duster, the caretaker, went over and offered her his sponge.  That was the end of assembly – five minutes early.

At playtime we rushed over to the wall next to the churchyard and sure enough there were Toby and Ira waiting to hear what we thought of their trick. We told them it was awesome and asked how they did it. Ira explained that it was an old pirate prank! They rubbed pencil on her glasses frames so that the lead rubbed off on to her face when she put her spectacles on.

I’m going to try it on my dad tonight!