Barney’s home and has told us all about his holiday.  It turns out that the Leaning Tower wasn’t made of pizza after all.  It was a proper tower in Pisa that leans.  He didn’t realise until he’d got to the top and took a big bite out of the stone!   It gave him such a fright that he made one of his smells and Mrs Hogsbum got the blame!  All the tourists had to hold their noses and the guide asked Mrs Hogbum to leave.  She shouted outrageous and told them they’d broken holiday rule number 754 – No one tells a head teacher to leave a leaning tower. 

There was an animal fun day at the church yesterday in aid of the donkey sanctuary down the road.  The vicar dressed up as a kangaroo and bounced around giving out sweets from his pouch – until Zack got inside and scoffed the lot.  Ben and I went as a giant cockroach and scared Doris and Aggie, the demon flower arrangers.

Theo turned into a kitten and won first prize for his costume.  The vicar thought he was a small child.  Our new friend Abel had transformed into a tree and was having a snooze when the vicar’s wife pinned a treasure hunt clue to his trunk.  He soon woke up and changed the wording so that all the treasure hunters ended up in the pond!  It was a great day and the donkeys are now going to have new ear warmers for winter.

Mum’s calling me.  She says it’s Ben on the phone and he’s got an awesome surprise for me.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Abel Barney Ben holiday Max Mrs Hogsbum Theo vicar Zack

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Unfortunately Ben wasn’t fast enough hiding from Arabella and her five zillion and three photos of the dolls’ museum even though he hid on the top shelf of the airing cupboard.

Anyway he soon recovered when I told him we were going to spend the whole of the next day in my garden right away from his annoying sister.

However, I’d forgotten that my annoying sister would be around.  When we got outside, ready for a game of superspies, Jessica had taken over the whole lawn with a yucky teddy bears’ picnic and told us to go away and play indoors. 

We were about to spray her with water from the hose when Mum saw us and made us sweep the patio – and she said she was going to keep an eye on us.

We were just thinking that this wasn’t going to be a fun day after all when a pair of stony ears popped up from a pot plant.  It was Zack, and Neb was with him.  We pretended to be polishing the pot and bent down to tell them all about Jesscia taking over the garden.  Zack and Neb grinned at each other so we knew they were going to do something cool.  Zack disappeared and Neb blended with the patio stones.

When Jessica went inside to get more juice, her teddy bears began moving about.  She couldn’t believe her eyes when she came back to see Grumblytum on his head, Sleepytime Ted up a tree and Mr Fuzzyfur with his head through a hole in the fence and the others were all in a heap on the shed roof.  And half the picnic had been eaten.  She let out an ear-splitting scream and told Mum that we’d done it!  Of course Mum knew it wasn’t us as she’d been watching us making a beautiful job of the patio.  Jessica was so cross she started taking her bears inside.  We helped which made her even crosser and then we had a great game of superspies.   It’s extra good when you’ve got two vanishing gargoylz!

Bart has read a teddy bear joke in a book.

Q. What do you get if you cross a skunk with a teddy bear?
A. Winnie the Pooh!

Oh dear he’s just made one up one of his own.

Q. What do you get if you cross a bottom burping gargoyle with a teddy bear?

A. Barney the Pooh!

I’ve thought of another trick I can play on Jessica.  Going off to get tin foil and a plunger!

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Arabella Bart Ben Jessica jokes Max Neb Pranks tricks Zack

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Last day of school! Hurray!

The play was awesome!  There were witches and walking trees and ghosts.  And at the end, the baddie, who was called Macbeth, got his head cut off and someone held it up.  It looked really real and dripped with blood and the Basher burst out crying. We didn’t need Ira to make it rain at all but we forgot to tell him so the whole audience got soaked! 

Anyway, the gargoylz really liked it so they invited us to go and watch them put on their version of the play in the churchyard. It was called MacGargoyle. Zack was MacGargoyle and he kept disappearing so it was hard to follow what was going on. Rufus, Eli and Azzan were the walking trees but they only had two leaves and a dandelion between them. We tried not to laugh. MacGargoyle’s head was a balloon with a face drawn on it so when Toby lifted it up, the wind blew it away and it popped on the spire.

Bart has just nudged my elbow.  He wants me to tell you a joke he heard in a school recently.

Q. What do you call an exploding ape?

A. A ba-boom!

We’re off to an amusement park on Monday – hurrah!

Categories: Gargoylz, jokes
Tags: Azzan Barry the Basher Bart Eli Gargoylz Ira jokes Rufus Shakespeare Toby Zack

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The world cup is over – boo hoo!  Only stupid sisters like Arabella and Jessica are pleased about that.  Never mind, the football season starts soon!

Sports day was wicked. Toby and Eli hid in the sacks and Miss Bleet thought they were haunted.  And then Neb blended in with the sand in the long jump and tickled all the jumpers’ feet!

Next, Max and I won the leapfrog race! Lucinda and Tiffany were in the lead but they kept stopping to make sure that they weren’t showing their pants so we beat them easy peasy – and without the gargoylz help. 

But you can never keep the gargoylz quiet for long and soon they were playing a trick.  Mr Widget was selling his homemade lemonade to the parents. First Theo distracted him by doing his kitten impression. While he was busy shooing him off, Zack popped invisible and stuck a pin in all the plastic cups. Every time Mr Widget went to serve a drink he was showered in lemonade! He was so sweet and sticky he got chased by wasps. He zoomed down the 50m sprint faster than all the year 6 kids and won the race!  (The wasps came second.)

On Monday we’ve got a school trip. We’re going to an open air theatre to see a play by some bloke called Shakespeare.  Mrs Hogsbum says it will be really good so it definitely won’t be.  We’re going to get all the gargoylz to come along. They’ll have fun and Ira can make it rain during the boring bits which will probably be all the time.

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Ben Eli Ira Lucinda Max Miss Bleet Mr Weedy Widget Mrs Hogsbum Neb Shakespeare Sports Day Toby Zack

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The trick on Arabella was footballtastic! Zack went invisible and signed her up for the school 5-a-side tournament and she had to play football all day. Mrs Hogsbottom wouldn’t listen when she said it wasn’t her writing, and anyway she’s not called Smelly Arabella. (Zack got over excited when he wrote it!)

Barney has insisted that I give you the recipe for Crackolates.  He says they’re drainpipingly delicious and should be eaten at least once a week.  So here it is.

Crispy Crackolates

Makes 12

Place 12 paper cake cases in muffin tray or on baking tray.

You will need a grown up to help you and -

• 50g butter
• 4 tablespoons golden syrup
• 100g good quality dark/plain chocolate
• 80g cornflakes

1. Put butter, syrup and chocolate in large saucepan.  Warning – syrup is very gloopy!
2. Melt it all very carefully over gentle heat until it’s mixed.
3. Remove from heat and stir the cornflakes in well.
4. Place spoonfuls of the mix in the paper cases. Leave to set in fridge.
5. Eat from the fridge as soon as you come in.  Store in fridge. Crackolates keep for a couple of days – but we bet you won’t have any left. We didn’t.

Azzan says you should eat them four times a week! Jelly says every day!

The gargoylz were very excited yesterday.  They’ve been visiting lots of schools and the children have sent photos of the gargoylz models and pictures they’ve made.  They were amazing.  Toby flew up and decorated the church ceiling with them which really scared the vicar who rushed out in the middle of his sermon shouting ‘monsters!’

We’ve got Sports day on Tuesday.  I bet the gargoylz will do something to make it fun.  Can’t wait to see what.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks, world cup
Tags: Arabella Azzan Barney Gargoylz Jelly Mrs Hogsbum recipe Sports Day Zack

4

Agent Max Black reporting.

Poor Ben. His computer came back from being fixed and his dad took it away for another week. All because Arabella made a silly fuss about him using her laptop without asking.

Half term is about to start!  Ben and I are going camping with our families.  Problem is we’ve got to take Jessica and Arabella.

Today in school, Mr Widget brought in his bagpipes and gave us a concert in the hall for an hour.  It was awful.  It sounded like an elephant with toothache. We had to do something and we knew just who to ask for help – the gargoylz!  We quickly devised a secret plan – Stop the Bagpipes.

We asked to go to the toilet but Miss Bleet insisted on walking us there.  Luckily she didn’t come inside.  We climbed on a toilet and stuck our heads out of the window.  Even there we could hear the bagpipes.  Ben gave a whistle and Toby came flying over.  We asked him to find Zack and told him our secret plan.    

We went back to the hall.  Mr Widget was droning away at ‘the wheels on the bus go round and round.’ Nothing happened for a bit but then Ben and I saw the glint of a pin sailing through the air and heading straight for the bagpipes.  Our secret plan was working. The next second there was a terrible wheezing sound and the bagpipes deflated!  They sounded like one of Barney’s best bottom burps. Mrs Hogsbottom shouted “Outrageous!” and told Mr Widget he’d have to stay behind after school. He had broken school rule number 854 – teachers must not make rude noises when playing musical instruments. 

 Mum’s yelling at me to get packed. Can’t wait for our camping trip.  Ben and I are sharing a tent – with the gargoylz of course.  We’re going to make a secret plan to scare our pesky sisters. Tell you all about it next week.

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Barney Ben camping Max Black Mr Weedy Widget Mrs Hogsbum Toby Zack

6

Blog writer: Agent Black

Mrs Hogsbum is back – worst luck.  She couldn’t wait for a flight so she hired a donkey all the way to Oldacre School.  Don’t know how it managed to swim the Channel!

Up early this morning and I’ve just played a great trick on my annoying little sister, Jessica. Mum’s going to call her for breakfast at any moment and I’ve swapped her boiled egg for rubber egg I got from the joke shop. It looks very realistic. She’s going to get so cross when she can’t break the shell.

Last Friday at computer (boring) club I clicked off the blog just as Mr Widget came up. Unfortunately he caught sight of a picture of Toby on the blog page so I had to pretend that I was researching Gargoyles of the World. Mr Widget said the picture looked nothing like a real gargoyle. He’d have a fit if he knew the truth – which he never will.

Anyway Toby overheard what Mr Widget said about him so he decided to play a trick on him.  He got Zack to pop invisible and go and borrow some green food colouring from the vicar’s kitchen. He put it in Mr Widget’s tea, so when Mr Widget drank it he went green all round his mouth. We went and told Mrs Hogsbum. She didn’t believe us until she came along and saw him. She told him he’d broken school rule number five hundred and thirty-two – teachers must not go green without permission. Computer club finished early – good result!

And then we told Bart all the jokes and he cheered up immediately so double good result.

Oh dear! Dad’s on the warpath. It turns out that Jessica hit the rubber egg so hard it bounced out, hit Dad’s spoon and splattered him with cornflakes and milk. For some reason they think it’s my fault. Got to go!

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks, jokes
Tags: Bart Gargoylz Max Mr Weedy Widget Pranks Toby Zack

9

Max here. I’m on Dad’s laptop so better be quick because I’m not really meant to use it. He made such a fuss when I got crisps stuck in the keyboard. Grown-ups are so silly sometimes.

I’d better explain why Bart looked so worried when he turned up at the classroom window last Friday. We found out when school was over. He was waiting for us in the churchyard. It turned out he couldn’t find any of the gargoylz anywhere so he’d come to ask us to help him look for them.

Agent Black and Agent Neal instantly leapt into action. Secret Plan: Find the Gargoylz.

We peered up at the steeple, poked round the gravestones and even stuck our heads into the church. Of course we pulled them out again double quick when we saw Aggie and Doris, Demon Flower Arrangers, inside.

There was no sign of the gargoylz anywhere. What had happened to our little stony friends?  Had they fallen down a well or got stuck in Mrs Hogsbottom’s cupboard or been kidnapped by aliens?  

Then Bart said we should look in the trees in the corner of the churchyard. Ben and I zoomed along and – SPLAT! We fell on our faces in a pool of oozy mud. When we’d got the mud out of our ears we heard a lot of gargoyle chuckling. We looked up and saw Toby, Theo, Zack and Ira laughing at us from the trees. They’d made a mud trap and covered it with leaves. It had all been Bart’s idea! We told him it was an awesome trick.

Then Bart said he had something even better – a new joke. How do you spot…—  Whoops! Dad’s coming. Tell you next week!

Categories: Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Bart Demon Flower Arrangers Ira Max mud Theo Toby Zack

7

Ben Neal, superspy, here at the classroom computer.

Miss Bleet couldn’t believe it when she saw the beetle on her desk. She was wittering on about how it must be a homing beetle when Zack popped invisible and dropped it down her back. She had stopped screaming by home time.

Max and I have had an awesome footie competition this week.  It was Superspies v. Gargoylz. Max and I won on Monday night and the gargoylz won on Tuesday night – but that’s only because they cheated. We’d told Zack he couldn’t go invisible but he forgot and scored five goals.  So Wednesday’s match was the decider. But we’d only just got started when the Basher turned up. He’d seen something going on from his bedroom window.

The gargoylz just managed to hide in time but Max and I were too slow. Barry stormed over, snatched the ball and lobbed it up onto the school roof. Then he stood there laughing at us. Of course, getting your ball back from a high place is no problem when you’ve got secret gargoyle friends, but Barry doesn’t know that we have. And we couldn’t ask them to get it with him standing there. But then suddenly he shouted that there was a snake in the grass and he ran away! 

Good old Eli. His secret power is brilliant. Toby flew up and got the ball and we carried on with the match. At ten-all we decided to call the whole thing a draw!

Bart has just appeared at the window. He’s looking worried. I wonder what he wants. We’ll let you know next week . . .

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Barry the Basher Bart Eli football Gargoylz Miss Bleet snake Toby Zack

9

Hi! Agent Black here on the classroom computer.

(Superspy secret note: must not let anyone in class see this blog!)

Our cake for Lucinda was the best surprise fairy cake in the history of best surprise fairy cakes. It was all pink and girly with pretty little icing shapes we found in the cupboard. (Bleurgh!)

 Lucinda didn’t like it! I don’t know why. We got Zack to pop invisible and sneak it onto her desk before school on Monday. Then we made sure we didn’t go into the classroom until Lucinda was already inside so that we couldn’t be accused of anything. Poppy and Tiffany and the others crowded round the cake, going ooh and ahh. We went ooh and ahh too, so it didn’t look suspicious.

Lucinda said she’d love to share it but it was too small so she’d have to eat it all herself. Then she took a big bite.

She didn’t know we’d put a plastic beetle on a spring inside it. As soon as she got her teeth into the cake the beetle popped up and her face got splattered with pink sloppy icing!

We made sure we kept our faces straight. Ben even got a cloth and wiped the icing off her dress. It wasn’t his fault the icing got spread around even further – it was Lucinda’s because she was screeching and flapping her arms about.

We could see Zack, Barney, Bart and Azzan at the window rolling about laughing. They soon ducked when Miss Bleet flung it open to release the toy beetle into the wild. After that, the beetle kept turning up in funny places – thanks to the gargoylz.

In fact I’ve just noticed that it’s now lurking on Miss Bleet’s desk . . .

Uh-oh. She’s coming! Must sign off fast.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Gargoylz Lucinda Miss Bleet tricks Zack

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