Half term next week – awesome!

We had model disaster – well almost!

By the time the gargoylz had finished helping us, our model of St Mark’s Church was blackened round the edges (Azzan), missing three windows (Neb poked his nose in) and had the top of the spire bitten off (Zack thought it was made of chocolate!)

Luckily it was big enough for Cyrus to hide in. We struggled into the classroom with it because Cyrus is very heavy. Miss Bleet told us we’d have to do it all again even though we told her it was what the church looked like just after the war when it had been bombed. Then we said that if everyone listened carefully they’d hear the choir singing inside. This was Cyrus’s cue. Ben and I just managed to get our fingers in our ears as Cyrus struck up with ‘All things bright and beautiful’ and everyone fell asleep. Ben and I went round hiding their pencils.

When they all woke up, the bell for playtime went and Miss Bleet found she’d written a very nice comment on our reports about our imaginative church – Toby had copied her writing when they were all asleep.

We’re a bit worried about next week. Our mums have said that we’re having a great outing and that it’s going to be educational!  That sounds bad!

Categories: News
Tags: Azzan Ben church Cyrus Max Miss Bleet Neb singing Toby Zack

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Well the trick with the wet sponge worked but not exactly as we meant. We got the bucket and the sponge up in the bedroom without Ben’s mum seeing.  Ben stood at the window waiting for Arabella to pass but Toby got really excited and threw the sponge too soon.  Ben hadn’t managed to get the window open and the sponge bounced off the glass and hit him in the face! It was funny!

We had the worst lesson in the history of worst lessons today at school. Mr Widget took us for country dancing out in the playground. Yuck! If that wasn’t bad enough we had to dance with girls. Double Yuck! And if that wasn’t bad enough, Mr Widget played the tunes on his bagpipes.  We had to stick cotton wool in our ears.  We wondered about asking Zack to use his pin like he did last time and pop the bagpipes but Mr Widget had wrapped them in a sort of pin-proof bag. We sent out an urgent message to the gargoylz (paper aeroplane over the church wall) and along came Jelly.

Jelly was awesome. He glooped into a bouncy ball and bounced across the playground and then shot up the bottom pipe of the bagpipes into the bag. Then Jelly began to jump about inside. Poor Mr Widget could hardly hold on to the bagpipes, they were wriggling so much. He played faster and faster until we all fell over in a heap.  Mrs Hogsbum leant out of her window and said he’d broken school rule number 855– teachers must not play musical instruments that wriggle.

Country dancing was over – result!

Got to go.  Nan’s coming round and she’s promised to bring cakes.  Toby, Neb and Eli have just arrived so I’ve got to make sure there are some left for me!

Categories: News
Tags: Arabella bagpipes Ben cakes Mr Weedy Widget Mrs Hogsbum school rule Toby tricks Zack

5

Max came round to my house for tea last night as we had to write a story for Miss Bleet about hanging baskets. That was a punishment as she’d found our model of King Henry VIII made out of everyone’s PE bags. We tried to tell her he was a very fat king and that was why we’d needed all the PE bags but she was still cross for some reason and kept muttering that we shouldn’t have used superglue.  Some teachers just don’t understand education!

Anyway, on the way home I had to get new shoes. The most boring shopping in the history of most boring shopping.  Mum picked Max and me up in the car and we went off to this old-fashioned shop where a very cross lady got loads of really horrible shoes out for me to try. I told Mum they all looked like what grandads wear but she wouldn’t listen and the shoes lady kept tutting at me.  Suddenly Max started giggling. One of the pairs of shoes jumped out of the box and started jumping about! Then another pair joined in! Mum and the shoe lady couldn’t believe their eyes! We knew just what had happened. Zack and Neb had stowed away in the car and come in to help. 

Then we heard Toby’s growly voice from under the seats.  “Disgusting! These shoez have got fleaz. That’s why they’re jumping about.”

All the other shoppers screamed and stampeded so fast for the door that they all tried to go through it together and got stuck. The cross lady had to call the fire brigade to get them free! And in the meantime, I chose some really cool shoes and the cross lady and Mum were so upset by everything that they didn’t argue. Result! 

Next Friday is April Fool’s Day. I wonder if the gargoylz have got anything planned?

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: April Fool's Day Ben Gargoylz Max Miss Bleet Neb Pranks Toby Zack

9

The gargoylz came back today from their World Book Day travels and already they’ve been up to their usual tricks. They sent leaves and water gushing down on the vicar outside the church.  They’ve been to Hertfordshire and Essex this week and Toby said the visits have been awesome. 

We had great fun last Saturday. We met the gargoylz at the church. We had our paper and charcoal ready to do some brass rubbings in case any grownups came along. We thought we’d have the place to ourselves though as the vicar had gone to a vicar’s paintballing day and there was nothing up on the notice board – like weddings or christenings. We’d forgotten about Doris and Aggie, the demon flower arrangers. Luckily we heard their screeching voices before they saw us so the gargoylz were able to hide and Max and I began doing a rubbing of Sir Oswald Fitzgubbins. He was a knight with a big nose who died in 1456. Doris and Aggie are so old they probably babysat for him when he was young!

Anyway the demon flower arrangers came in with their arms full of daffodils, took one look at us and started moaning.  They said we were making the place untidy and we were putting them off. They needed all their artistic power to decorate the church. We were just about to complain that we were there first when I noticed Barney sitting on a beam above their heads.  We held our noses and just in time. He made a dreadful pong. Doris and Aggie gave a shriek, threw down their daffodils and ran.

Barney felt a bit mean so he put the flowers in the vases for them. Zack tried to help but he put them in all upside-down!

I’m going to Max’s house tomorrow. We’ve got plans to make a Spy-Boy base out of  giant cardboard boxes.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, World Book Day
Tags: Barney Ben Demon Flower Arrangers Gargoylz Max World Book Day Zack

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Our sisters’ dance show was the most hilarious thing in the history of most hilarious things – and all thanks to Neb and Zack.  We told them that we needed help and they came along with us to the hall.  Of course no one else knew they were there because Neb blended against Jessica’s dance bag and Zack popped invisible. 

The show was as bad as we thought – full of dancing pixies and furry animals.  Ben and I got really fidgety.  We had to sit through ten minutes of this and Neb and Zack hadn’t played any pranks at all.  I was just telling Ben that I thought they must have gone to sleep somewhere when Mum poked us in the back.  She told us that if we didn’t keep quiet we’d be banned from playing football for a month!  So we zipped our lips while Jessica and eight other little lambs skipped about.  (They looked more like a herd of hippopotamuses.)  Then Arabella pranced on to the stage to do a dance called the Dying Duck.  She had a stupid pink costume on which was covered in feathers.  Ben and I were just agreeing that we’d never seen a pink duck before when we remembered the footie ban threat and shut up.

Arabella was jumping and twirling to some horrible twinkly music when suddenly the feathers on her dress began to fly off into the air.  We knew what was happening of course.  Invisible paws were plucking the dancing duck!  The feathers were all around Arabella like a pink blizzard.  She tried to dance on, spitting out bits of fluff when suddenly she began to spin like a top across the stage and then disappeared into the wings.  There was an earsplitting crash and that was the end of the show.  She’d bowled into the rest of the farm animals and they were all shrieking so loudly with terror they couldn’t dance.  Result!

I’m at Ben’s house now for tea and we’re going to leave some pink feathers all over her bed! 

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Arabella Ben Gargoylz Jessica Max Neb Pranks tricks Zack

2

Max’s trick on his dad didn’t quite go to plan but it was very funny.  He rubbed lead from a pencil on a pair of glasses but he didn’t realise his mum was going to borrow them for a second to write a note. Then she took them off and set off to fetch Jessica from Brownies and as it was cold she put her furry hat on as well. It’s got two points like ears. Brown Owl thought she’d come dressed as a great horned owl! And Max’s mum never understood why. The lead had rubbed off by the time she got home so she just thinks that Brown Owl is owl-obsessed!

We thought school was going to be really boring today because Mr Widget was leading Year Four on a snowdrop hunt!  We were waiting in the playground to set off for Oldacre Wood when Barry Price, codename: The Basher, barged into us.  He knocked me flying and I dropped my gloves in a puddle which made him really laugh and made my hands really cold. Max lent me one of his and we had to keep swapping to stop our fingers freezing and snapping off!

When we reached the wood, we had to search for snowdrops. The girls all shrieked with delight and ran around poking and prodding in the leaves. Max and I mooched about. I mean, who wants to find flowers in a place full of great trees to climb? But then we heard some gargoyly giggling and Zack and Neb popped up. They’d seen what had happened in the playground and had brought me some of the vicar’s gloves to borrow. They were a bit big but nice and cosy.  Then we got ready to play a trick on Barry Price to pay him back for being so mean. We got Zack to pop invisible and Neb to blend with the wood and take the vicar’s big gloves and sit in the oldest, tallest, spookiest looking tree in the wood. Then we told Barry that no one had ever climbed that tree as it was haunted. Of course the Basher went straight up it. As soon as Barry was up high, and sneering down at us, Zack and Neb put the vicar’s gloves on and waved them in Barry’s face. Zack wailed that he was the Ghastly Glove Ghost and he hoped no one had been nasty or he would scare them till their hair fell out. Barry hasn’t got much hair but he was still terrified. Then Zack said in a really spooky voice that only thing the Basher could do to make up for it, was to pick the biggest snowdrop he could find for teacher. Barry jumped down the tree immediately. It was so funny to see him scampering about trying to find the biggest flower for Mr Widget. And when he did Mr Widget told him off as no one’s was meant to pick the snowdrops. He didn’t listen when Barry said that the Ghastly Glove Ghost had told him to do it. It was awesome!

We’re back at school now and I’ve got a few minutes on the class computer. The Basher hasn’t said a word to anyone since we got back. That makes a change. Uh oh! He’s staring at the vicar’s gloves that Zack and Neb scared him with. They’re sticking out of my pocket. I forgot to take them back to the gargoylz so they could take them back to the vicar.

I think he suspects that Max and I had something to do with the Ghastly Glove Ghost. We’re going to be in BIG TROUBLE! HELP!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Barry the Basher Ben Gargoylz Jessica Max Mr Weedy Widget Neb Zack

2

The Christmas fair was awesome.  There were some cool stalls in the hall – Cracker Tug-of-war, Pudding Rolling and Splat the Christmas Rat.  And of course, the cake stall.  The gargoylz were all hiding under it when Ben and I arrived and Miss Bleet, who was running it, looked very upset as the supplies kept disappearing. We had to buy a whole lot of goodies and lure the gargoylz away in case they got spotted. Then Zack saw Father Christmas and shouted – ‘Hello Santa, how’s Ruben?’

Mrs Hogsbottom thought it was me and told me I’d broken School Rule number 357 – Boys must not shout at Father Christmas! Poor Zack was very disappointed that Santa didn’t seem to recognise his voice. He cheered up when Ben and I told him it wasn’t the real Santa because we’d seen Mr Duster’s wellies under the red trousers – and Santa is far too busy to come to a school fair at this time of year.   

Anyway, the school play was yesterday and Ben was in it after all! And he played the main part – Scrooge. Luckily for him, Gavin, who was supposed to play Scrooge has chickenpox and Duncan, his understudy, came out in spots just before the curtain went up. Anyway, Miss Bleet had to ask Ben to do it instead. As he didn’t have time to learn his lines (and he couldn’t have done no matter how long he had!) he was allowed to use his script. He was very nervous but the gargoylz helped. When the ghosts visited Scrooge they sat above the stage and made wonderful wailing sounds and rattled chains and boxes of pasta.  We weren’t sure why they used pasta until Eli explained that they just liked the noise.

Signing off now. Tomorrow we’ve got to make hats for our school Christmas party next week. There’s a prize for the best one. We’ve promised the gargoylz that they can help. We’re not sure that was a good idea.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz
Tags: Ben Christmas Eli Max Miss Bleet Mrs Hogsbum Santa Zack

2

Mrs Hogsbottom told us we’d broken school rule number 820 – boys must not make working models of fireworks that contaminate the mashed potato.  We had to stay in at break time as a punishment but it was all right as Zack popped in and kept us company.

Talking of Zack – he played a good gargoylz trick on us today!  We were on our way to school and – wait for it – we were practising our spellings!  I know you must be thinking we’d gone soft in the head but there was a good reason.  Our mothers had sat us down and said that if we tried really hard in this test we could go to Max’s grandmother’s on Sunday and she’d bake all our favourite cakes.

So we were almost at the school gates when ‘pop’, Zack appeared.  He wanted us to play with him as the other gargoylz were all having a snooze.  They’d found a huge clump of thistles in the churchyard and were now sleeping off their prickly breakfast.  Well we had to tell Zack that we didn’t have time and we’d see him at playtime.  ‘No you won’t!’ he laughed and disappeared.

We did our test and I was really pleased that I remembered how to spell business and boomerangs – Miss Bleet was having a B day.  She gathered all the papers in and then looked at mine first and stared at me angrily.  ‘I should have known you wouldn’t learn your spellings, Ben,’ she said as crossly as she could.  I was gobsmacked – I was sure I’d got them all right. In my head, I could see Max’s gran taking my cakes away.

Miss Bleet held up my paper and said, ‘you don’t spell business and boomerangs like this!’  Everyone started laughing.  On my paper it now said, businezz and boomerangz. And all the other words had been changed. I knew who’d done it. Zack! 

‘Why can’t you be more like Lucinda?’ demanded Miss Bleet, holding up Lucinda’s test.  The whole class – except Lucinda – began shouting with laughter.  Her test had been changed as well!  When Miss Bleet checked, every word on every test had been changed.  Good one, Zack!

Miss Bleet sat down with a thud. She couldn’t understand it. ‘Our pencils must be faulty, Miss,’ piped up Max, with a wink at me.  ‘Perhaps they can’t write the letter ‘s’.’

The bell rang then for break and we left our teacher writing ‘s’ over and over again with the pencils and waiting for them to change into ‘z’.  She had to give us all 10 out of 10 so Sunday cakes here we come!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Ben Lucinda Max Miss Bleet Mrs Hogsbum Zack

9

The church firework display last Friday was THE BEST EVER, although we thought we were going to miss the whole thing, thanks to Theo.  Ben and I got to the churchyard before anyone else was there and went off to find the gargoylz. We could hear them rustling about in the grass and see them rushing about on the roof but they didn’t seem to notice us.  Suddenly Zack appeared with a pop in front of us. “Can’t find Theo… all looking for him,” he panted. Then he disappeared. Next Toby flew down in a flap and told us that Theo is so scared of fireworks that he hides every year and the gargoylz always miss the display as they’re too busy looking for him. 

We joined in the search. People were starting to arrive in the churchyard now and some of them tutted when they saw us crawling about among the graves. (They soon backed off when we told them we were looking for our pet tarantula!) Just before the display was going to begin we heard a little miaow from Ben’s backpack. Theo had jumped in there. He looked terrified and wanted us to take him away.

Then I had my brainwave. We got Abel to turn into a really bushy tree and got Theo to climb up into his branches. Theo felt safe curled up there with Abel’s leaves all around him in a sort of nest.  The other gargoylz got on the roof for the best view – after they’d eaten all the hot dogs that the vicar had brought out for the children.  (His wife made some more so it was okay.)

The fireworks were great. We oo-ed and ah-ed for ages and the last one lit up the whole sky. After that, all us kids were given sparklers and we wrote our names in the air. All of a sudden someone shouted that there were children on the church roof. We looked up and Ben and I had to stop ourselves laughing.  The whole roof was sparkling with sparklers. Some seemed to be running up and down the spire. Then Lucinda Tellingly gave a shriek and said there was a kitten in a tree, waving a sparkler.  Luckily no one believed her! 

Oh dear. Mrs Hogsbum is coming into the classroom. I think I can guess why. Ben and I made a working model of a Catherine wheel for the hall display. Unfortunately it went off accidentally at lunchtime and sprayed glitter all over the mashed potato. Well, it wasn’t me or Ben that set it off, but I think I know who it might have been!

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Abel Ben fireworks Lucinda Max Mrs Hogsbum Theo Toby Zack

5

For some reason, Ben got into trouble for the fake poo! He swears no one saw him put it there.

Did you know there’s a contest called the World Conker Championship that takes place in October every year?  How cool is that!  Last Saturday we decided to hold our own competition with the gargoylz as there are lots of horse chestnut trees in the churchyard – and that’s where conkers come from.  It was a bit tricky trying to explain to the gargoylz that you have to put your conker on a string and whack someone else’s with it until one of them cracks. They had other ideas. We made a big pile of conkers first, but Toby and Azzan ran off with some of them and rolled them all along the church gutters and down the drainpipes. That made so much noise that the demon flower arrangers, Doris and Aggie, came out to see if the church was falling down! Luckily they didn’t spot us.

Then Zack decided to pop invisible and drop conkers down the vicar’s chimney. Out came the vicar. Luckily he didn’t spot us.

We’d just got all the conkers threaded when The Basher turned up. Unfortunately he did spot us. The gargoylz quickly hid behind the gravestones. The Basher was holding the biggest conker we’d ever seen. He said he was the Oldacre School Champion and challenged us to a conker fight and said if we didn’t fight he’d whack us over the head with his prize conker – The Killer. So we had to agree. Barry put his conker down and did his ‘warming up’ exercises. He looked really stupid wiggling his fingers in the air. Meanwhile Neb blended with the background and swapped the Basher’s conker for another big one. It was a mouldy one we’d found earlier. Barry didn’t notice. He picked it up, swung it round his head and gave Ben’s conker a massive whack before Ben was even ready. Barry’s conker burst and splattered him with mouldy bits.  It was awesome!  Barry ran off yelling that we’d cheated and we’d killed The Killer.

After that we had a great time with our Grand Gargoylz World Conker Championship – before Azzan got over excited and set fire to all the conkers!

Can’t wait for next weekend. We are going to a fantastic climbing course called ‘Be a Chimp’.

Categories: Enemy agents, Gargoylz, Pranks
Tags: Azzan Barry the Basher Ben Conker Championship Demon Flower Arrangers Max Neb Toby Zack

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